It was a mistake...
(frivolous entry about great (?) leaders' regrets after reading about two in a row)

just discovered (online) and added this Deng Xiaoping quote into my thesis cos i was somehow awed by his admitting his mistake (though it probably wasn't that serious a mistake anyways) but so anyway in his famous South China tour in 1992, Deng apparently said,

"Shanghai has apparent economic advantages in terms of personnel, technology, and management. Looking back, one of my mistakes is that when I began the special economic zone program, I missed out Shanghai [emphasis mine]. If I had included the city, development in the Yangtze River Delta, the entire Yangtze River Valley, or even the entire country would be different."

dun ask me why i (instinctively) felt so strongly for this statement... haha. perhaps when i first read it i put myself in his shoes and tried to really imagine how he must have felt...

along the same lines, but perhaps not even 1/100 as significant, (i read on the Straits Times somewhere) that Lee Kuan Yew apparently said it was a mistake that he rejected Formula One's bid to hold the event in Singapore in the 1960s or something....

alright. haha i'm not trying to make any point here. just taking a break. better get back to typing.

i've been seeing a lot of weather-related news these couple of days; the recent (unwelcome) wet weather in Berkeley has also made me think more about the weather--it appears that while we humans have been able to pretty much tame (or should i say meddle with?) many 'forces of nature'... (i guess i'm thinking more along lines of medical advances, like cloning, organ reproduction and such) we still aren't that successful with the weather. i dun even mean natural disasters like earthquakes and volcano eruptions and such... just normal weather conditions... we still pretty much have to live with whatever happens every single day... it certainly isn't fun to wake up one day to find your house/car/whatever covered with sand! (like Beijing residents did yesterday?) or to have floods destroy your entire home... but then again, i guess i would still very much prefer to have no control over the weather, but instead live with it (at least we're lucky enough to have pretty reliable weather forecasts these days!) life would be increasingly unexciting if we manage to have everything at our beck and call? i would feel cheated if say every sunny day were due to human requests for sunny days (if that is ever possible...) or if we know for sure that there will be snow every Christmas....

The last stretch

came home yesterday evening after a tiring long day at sch to find a small parcel sitting at my door... it was filled with Easter goodies, including a candy cane with this bunny perched right on top of the colorful cane... feel like i have a fairy godmother somewhere in LA haha. ;P so that sweet gesture really made my day. came home feeling like there's still a lot of work to be done in the remaining 10 days or so, but somehow i failed to do any work yesterday. but i think i deserved a tiny break, after a crazy week... anyway, time for work soon!

for the first time ever..... i overslept and missed my jap class! aargh. this is the second time this week; on tues i intentionally skipped Jap to study for midterm; today i actually woke up at 430 am to try to read the thesis drafts i have to read by Friday, but unfortunately got so tired by around 6am that i decided to take a nap.... sigh. haven't been managing work very well this week. doesn't help that i will still have to finish reading all these thesis drafts and study for Jap quiz all by tmr. but when i put things in perspective, i have no reason at all to complain. i say this cos i watched this really depressing short documentary on undocumented Mexican workers for my Geog section this morning... millions risk their lives crossing borders and navigating through deserts just to get better jobs in the US so that they can support their families back home... (and so this documentary was on how one guy died in the process and they interviewed his family members etc) while i'm really touched how simple desires for their loved ones to have better lives can motivate these individuals to undertake such dangerous tasks; at the same time i feel extremely saddened that terrible economic circumstances forced many to have to express their love for their families in such a way.

That is a lego plane Kai gave me on Sunday morning for 'flying back to sg'. Though he didn't make it (his dad made it for him) it was pretty generous of him to give it to me! (maybe for the time being though. but still...) ya. i guess occasionally we re-establish ties. sometimes i wish i interacted more with my housemates... these days i've been out so much doing work that i dun see them that much anymore. =(
the past few days have been extremely distressing for me. not just cos bad things/deadlines/midterm all come at one go, but also cos good things come at the worst of times. and that makes me pretty upset. sometimes i get so pissed with myself for being unable to shut off emotions when the need arises =(

Fun with photoshop

i am still getting cheap thrills out of turning my picture from this.....

to this!!!
i seriously LOVE this effect. last week after i lamented how Spring is nowhere to be found in Berkeley, flowers like these started blooming at certain spots on campus. i believe they are some kind of cherry blossoms... so... armed with my digicam days later i set off to record their transient bloom... hehe. traces of the week-long rain can be seen on the petals.... :)

my 'cute cute meimei' (that's what she calls herself!) asked if i wanted to be her piano accompanist (if there's such a word) for her violin exam this September.... i felt so touched that i was asked! (considering how lan4 i prob am now) i am SO rusty now that i fear i might wreck her exam.... hehe. perhaps it will motivate me to pick up piano all over again when i get home. =)

decided to take walk home today since weather was unusually good. finally one sunny day after weeks of rain! and i was rewarded with an Epicurean discovery- this new gourmet take-out place along Shattuck. i had the most delicious eggplant socca from Socca Oven, even though i dun particularly fancy eggplants =P (i learnt this when deciding whether or not to try a socca- it's a Provencal chickpea flour flat bread cooked in a very hot oven and the place i got it from sells a variety of soccas with toppings like cod, chicken, lamb and even scallops!) will definitely be back to try other non-vegetarian flavors.... but i'll have to spend a couple more bucks. it feels like a very yuppie kinda place... there's also gelato, tea, sushi and gourmet choc! i'm adding it to the list of food places i can bring my parents to =)

Japanese classes are getting more and more interesting-- mainly because conversations we read deal a lot more with Japanese culture. this week's conversations talk about unequal gender treatment in Japan; how many women get stuck in OL-type (office lady) clerical jobs... how it's very common for husbands to not come home for dinner after work... how male students get more opportunities to voice their own opinions.... Senseis remind us that our textbook was written in 1994 and so things are probably different today but it appears that Japan is still pretty patriachal... the OL issue reminds me of all the Jap dramas... Aki in Pride was an OL; i remb the funny GA 2 show about gung-ho office ladies... i really want to see for myself what it's really like!

sent off my Japanese homestay application yesterday.... i really hope i get it! then i'll be able to judge for myself. but Shibahara sensei also says that homestay families are usually more progressive (having received many foreigners in their homes) and so they are prob diff from the more conservative ppl in the countryside... hmm. sigh. the horrible weather makes me want to stay under my comforter all day... but Japanese is enjoyable enough to make me get out of bed. i wished i could spend more time on it though =(

Where is Spring?

i guess ppl can interpret this in any way they want... i feel like i'm asking this question wrt a variety of contexts also... more literally, browsing through my DC pictures (i was just being random) made me feel somewhat nostalgic. i do miss those pretty cherry blossoms. (so picked one and ran funny photoshop effect on it, and ta-da... you get the pic on the left. i love how they aren't individual flowers anymore, but diff shades of pretty pink. you can click on it to enlarge it! =P) daylight savings has just deprived me an hour of sleep without giving me the clear blue skies that Spring is supposed to bring. horrible rainy weather at Berkeley seems to be perpetual...

Green tea obsession

this probably marks the 'height' of my "love affair" with green tea and so i decided to document my green tea posessions at the moment. hehe i believe it shall wear off soon and i shall get tired of eating all things green tea. but who knows? =P anyway, from the right foreground (in anticlockwise direction) i have green tea powder for baking from shu; the green tea pocky box; Maeda-En Green Tea Ice Cream from Yaoya San Jap Supermart; green tea milk candies i got from Ranch; and sticks of pocky biscuits coated with green tea mousse... hehe.

shi min has been a pretty good girl all week. i REALLY tried my best to do work. amidst haircuts, jap dramas, jap homestay application essays, dinner meetings and falling asleep. and i mean i accomplished quite a bit, but there's still SO MUCH more to be done for thesis. that makes me somewhat sad. =(

hair woes

yes-- still cannot get over recent haircut and so will blog about all my bad haircut experiences... hehe. i mean this one isn't that bad... but it really could have been better... =P

sad to say, my thick black hair seems to be some kinda nemesis for most hairdressers.... usually, as soon as i sit down, hairdresser will go.... "you're hair's very thick" (sigh, i also know, but what can i really do about it? unfortunately no one really realizes how detrimental such comments can be for my tiny, easily-bruised ego) plus, as soon as they get their hands on my hair, they'll usually shred.... and shred..... and shred.... till i become concerned and say, "erm... i dun think i want it too short here.. it will stick out..." but my concerns usually dun hav much weight and at the end of it all i'll usually feel like i have no hair.. =( second most common thing they will say is... your hair's kinda wavy.... do you want to straighten it? (actually sometimes i do, but then... i really prefer my natural curls to those potentially hideous straight long locks and so sadly for the hairdressers, they dun get to earn my money)... that day and one other time, hairdresser said to me.... "i think your hair is too black, do you want some highlights?" erm but how can hair be "too black"... black is just black what. hmph. =(

what's going on!

just came across this pic on Straits Times Interactive, which showed Genting International's artist impression of the Marina Integrated Resort... with "two towers shaped to look like double helixes"... i remb reading not too long ago about how they are gonna try to build this world-class bridge at the Marina, also with some double-helix exterior or something.... so weird. what's with having all these life-size double helix structures... is there a recent architectural obsession with it or something? or has it always been popular and i've just not been aware of it? or am i being too impressionistic and hav just 'extrapolated' a single urban devt project in sg to the entire world? =P

i wish spring break wun ever end... not having to wake up at 7am every single weekday morning is such a luxury =P
it seems like from time to time i'll end up with one of those haircuts that makes me look somewhat like i'm still in sec two. oh well.
discovered green tea Pocky at Ranch today!!!

last Spring Break

and so my last Spring Break officially started on Friday. and though i resolved to work hard on thesis, i guess i've been kinda chilling out and doing a lil work here and there... prob hav to get serious starting tomorrow. at this point, i think i've somewhat convinced that i can prob never be an academic kinda person =P i think about issues, i like to learn about the world, but my brain just doesn't seem to be too good at organizing everything that i encounter/ read... i'm really not good at digging out all those details needed to really flesh out a thesis. that said, i never regretted writing up that pok prospectus that got me into the class!
that aside, i'm also beginning to think a little more seriously about what comes next. mum nags at me everytime she calls to remb to put my car up for sale-- i would so miss my dear Honda. i shall be once again relegated to a MRT passenger in about 2 to 3 months' time. hehe but not like i want to drive anyway-- public transport in sg is efficient enough.. plus save the earth... plus... i'll prob get lost everywhere and end up being late for everything =P and... no more running around in comfy skechers sneakers... it's a little funny it's prob things you do that sometimes define your "mental age"... i'm still gonna be 23 but like i will have to start acting like a proper adult kinda =P how stressful. =(

down but not out

after a pretty gruelling session this evening, i half felt like my world was falling apart and that my next 4 weeks would be pure hell. but at the same time, i also felt like i probably can't find a better bunch of classmates (and prof) anywhere else. i feel like there's so much i can learn from other ppl... at this point in time, i feel sorry for having made all these inaccurate preliminary judgements about my classmates. on the contrary, they are probably some of the smartest and worldly ppl i've come across. and i dunno why this is the case, but i feel so slow-witted in comparison. like SERIOUSLY. i wonder if it's just me, or if it's cos i still can't break away from the way of learning that i was brought up on, or if my character has something to do with it.... and i should be totally ashamed to confess this, but it was probably only about 4 hours ago that it finally dawned on me what it really takes to write a good, proper thesis. and if tragedy really befalls mine, i can at least console myself that there were all these other things that i took away from the class...but of course i hope i can avert that tragedy. and it's really up to me how i want it to turn out eventually. but right now, i'm so exhausted and brain dead that i need to conk out soon.
(this was written last night but server was down and so i couldn't publish it then)

Fraud alert

discovered an hour ago that i fell victim to an online credit card fraud some time last week without even realizing it!! relieved that i wun be liable for the fraudulent charges but it suddenly made me VERY aware that i should always be EXTREMELY cautious with divulging personal info over the internet... so how did i get tricked? remb i mentioned those pok emails that try to make ppl enter into business partnerships that were obviously fake? so this trap came in the form of an email too, (ironically and i guess cleverly) warning me that there has been fraudulent activity on my account and telling me that i should log into my acct to verify my info etc... can't remb exact wording. and fraudsters did an excellent job imitating the Chase interface that i didn't even suspect that it was fake... and stupidly clicked on link and entered info. now that i think about it, that link prob led to the fraudsters' victim database (which also looked totally authentic)... i'm actually also reminded of this similar Citibank email that was circulating prob a year ago.. this is the prob the very first fake Chase email i've gotten... oh well. i was really careless too. certainly a nasty shock, but definitely alerted me to the lurking possibilities of online credit card fraud!

just watched a Three Gorges documentary at Wheeler. i'm probably repeating myself, but just really appreciate how documentaries often bring the lives of ppl in obscure places to the outside world... i went for this 2.5 hr-long screening mainly cos i'm doing a case study on Chongqing now and recently found out that one of the government's big challenge was to relocate the residents living around the dam area... and i came across provincial publications that said things like... this year we successfully relocated this many folks.... but in reality, as the documentary shows, there's so much more to it. when HUGE national construction projects like this get implemented, yeah, it's good for the economy, it provides hydroelectric power... but at the same time so many ppl are literally FORCED out of their homes... so many lives get disrupted... notices with seemingly arbitrary deadlines for evacuation are just put up on doors, walls etc and residents are expected to be able to relocate themselves (there's also like compensations etc but like everything seems rather confusing and poorly managed and many ppl get left out etc). to force ppl to evacuate by a certain date, electricity and water supplies eventually get cut off and the film shows these probably dangerous and unprofessional ways of doing it- ppl literally sawing off pipes and sticking pieces of wood into them to stop the flow; after demolition of buildings workers try to get some cash for scrap metal/ bricks or something and the ways they went about doing it just made me really fear for their safety...

i dunno, actually seeing what it might be like for myself kinda puts everything into perspective. 'extrapolating' this to my own research topic--i can read all the academic papers in the world, look at all my primary sources; but not having witnessed things actually going on at the ground level just impairs my overall understanding... it made me rethink what i've been doing. i wonder what all the statistics i have for urban-rural income inequality translates into in reality... what does it mean to have an annual income of 2500 yuan? sadly i wun hav the time nor opportunity to find out before i turn in my thesis. but it made me realize what REAL research really entails.

i probably just wrecked my eyesight-- watching the remaining 6 episodes of PRIDE late last night and this morning, after half a night of thesis typing and almost a week of staring at thesis on computer screens.... but it was seriously addictive. even though plot isn't that unpredictable; i fell for all the soppy stuff all the same and prob cried away 1/4 of my tissue box... haha! not only that, there's just the friendship, the 'brotherhood' stuff and good sideplots that made me really love this show... =P and now the instrumental pieces are just ringing in my head.... haha. aiyah, i think sometiems you just cannot be too cynical if you want to enjoy these dramas... not that i really believe that such things happen in real life, but all the same i really admire ppl who can produce things that really touch ppl's hearts.

the "backstage crew"

just like how the backstage crew is often overlooked, librarians in my opinion face the same 'occupation hazard'... i think ppl always think about researchers themselves who write brilliant papers without thinking so much about ppl who help in the process of locating sources... the 2 librarians at the Center for Chinese Studies Library have been so kind and helpful and i've been wanting to blog about how professional and nice they are. but to date i haven't written about them, so it shall be the topic for today=P I was especially touched today, cos when i stepped in this afternoon, the head librarian came up to me with a bunch of books containing possible documents related to this 1982 document i was hunting for yesterday... and i was just really touched cos i just asked them a question and they went all out to look for the materials for me... and this is not the first time! plus ever since i became a regular at the library, the other librarian reserved this mini table in an obscure corner of the library just for me to put all the books i need but never finish looking through whenever i visit... well sometimes they are a little overenthu and 'shower' me with irrelevant info, but they are really well-intentioned and i just feel so thankful to have them around in the library.... i definitely have to remb to send some baked goods their way when everything is finally completed! =)

this week will be spent mostly on piecing together my submission 2 (due on Friday) and though i have quite a lot of time this week to work on it, i'm still deeply worried-- mainly cos am working with case studies that i knew NOTHING about till like 1.5 weeks ago... and hav to try to come up with convincing and coherent argument by sieving out all the info i found... i dunno. just feel so risky and insecure. perhaps i'm starting to suffer the consequences of turning in some chapalang prospectus at the end of last semester....

i started watching my new Jap drama last night and watched two episodes over dinner just now.... but i find myself starting to get hooked! =P help. thought it's good for 'unwinding' after working on thesis.... now it seems like it's substituting work time hehe =P though the Japanese still speak too fast for me and i still dun get a lot of what they say, it's somehow "music to my ears" =P
and i had the tastiest instant jap yakisoba for dinner just now! it even comes with a tiny packet of mayo! shall hunt for other flavors at Ranch tmr =P

SIGH. parking enforcement officer must be thinking... this girl must be too rich- fined her twice for street sweeping her big fat car still parked there this time round... yes- I FORGOT to shift my car again! aargh. i have nothing to say... 100% my fault. i feel like strangling myself. just woke up from a good nap; it's raining outside and laptop weatherbug reports temp of around 4C... Kai and friend are occasionally popping up at my door telling me about the monsters they have been shooting in the living room...

the past three days have been packed- i worked hard and played hard so had absolutely no time to blog =P finally have a teeny bit of time now though. just ended thesis seminar- i have so much catching up to do but at least i feel kinda motivated! random things i learnt in past 3 days-
1) forget about driving to downtown SF in the day. we couldn't find any parking meter that allowed us to park for more than 30 min-- found a faulty meter but apparently you can use this SF card to pay so didn't know whether the meter was really faulty or not so after like 15 min of indecision and scrutiny of adjacent parking meters we finally drove off to a private parking garage and ended up forking out $10 for parking.... =(
2) that i am a highly forgetful girl--for the very first time, i forgot to screw on fuel cap tightly after refueling gas tank, which resulted in malfunction indicator lamp coming on-- which freaked me out and made me think i had to send in car for diagnosis-- got upset that evil mechanics charge exorbitant prices just to see what's wrong..... in the end lamp went off itself, confirming that it was untight fuel cap problem.... so no worries now =) then this afternoon, cos of rush to finish reading classmates' thesis drafts... totally forgot i signed up for Prof's office hours and so had to send email to apologize... sigh hope prof doesn't think too badly of me now...
3) went shopping but realized that there are so many things i want to buy. but too poor to afford them. plus had to take into consideration practical issues like bringing these things HOME...

A hiragana stamp set!

a REALLY cute present from shu... (due to space constraints i only managed to take the top half of the entire stamp set)

muddled thoughts before bed

shu's visiting tmr! wanted to get a lot of work done today, but was sadly too ambitious. and had to battle the cold in living room (landlords are away and told me how to operate heater, but i was unsure how much i could use it and so ended up using it somewhat sparingly) so not very conducive for doing work. plus got somewhat bored reading about women's movements in Mexico plus terrified how some ppl can write like 30 pages of thesis in a breeze. haha not really making sense. but was convinced that it's really time for me to rescue my nonexistent thesis. though circumstances aren't really permitting me to really do so next week... but i WILL! late next week.... (i sound somewhat slack huh but really am not. quite stressed how i hav no idea what direction thesis is heading plus WISH i had someone to translate those confusing Chinese technical terms for me...)

i just shamelessly tried to persuade Courtney to visit me one last time within the next couple of months, cos it recently struck me how i'm gonna be leaving here for good in about 3 months' time... =( in a way it's certainly not as bad for me as for some ppl, since i only have like 3 good American friends here i'll really miss... and i dun even get to see them all that often... and not that i don't want to go home, but i really can't imagine what it will be like. in past 4 years, i've never been home for more than 2.5 months continuously and i dunno, the uncertainty and fear that i'll never be allowed out of the country for an extended period of time again also deeply worries me...and i'm gonna start WORK! i can't be AS and whole day do my own thing anymore haha... oh well. shouldn't be doing all this premature worrying =P i've got more 'immediate' things to worry bout...

Spit not.....

In view of the 2008 Olympic games, the Beijing government has apparently declared war on spitting... so how's the government's gonna ensure that this campaign meets its goals? according to this article, Police have been ordered out on to the streets to track down offenders. Closed circuit television cameras will be used to catch them in the act. erm... that seems pretty scary to me, esp given that spitting might have 'developed' into some kinda involuntary/reflex action for some folks. In addition, Hundreds of uniformed "mucus monitors" will patrol the streets handing out free spitting bags. Now, this seems funny... I do wonder how successful this campaign will be, having witnessed this 'rampant' spitting myself =P Oh well, i shouldn't read too much into this report; maybe reporter has intentionally/unintentionally sensationalized this piece of news...

feeling poor

it's been such a long time since i last splurged on an expensive meal and so when i spent $27 for dinner on Sunday i actually felt rather xintong... was also just a teeny bit surprised that my dinner mates appear to treat $30 or so for dinner as no big deal... but oh well if i actually remember to move my car to the opposite side of the road during street sweepings, nasty fines paid to the City of Berkeley can buy me at least one or two good meals =(

and so i sleepily turned 23...

i clearly would have slept through 12am if not for the knocks on my window, from two dear girls who brought me a matcha green tea cheesecake! though according to chief baker cake isn't supposed to be as flattened nor as lemony as it turned out to be (baker too critical of product though), nothing at all mars the sweet gesture itself. =)

Treasure what we have...

thanks to Jacqui, i was sent an attachment full of thought-provoking pictures taken in China. Some touched me more than others, but nothing speaks to me more than this:

this was titled "Ku1 qi4 de4 lao3 ren2" and cos i can't type Chinese on this i'm just gonna paste the accompanying caption-
The old man sells roast yam for a living. Because he doesn’t have a license, his tools were confiscated and his tricycle was smashed, its chain cut. All the old man can do is to sit there and cry. Tomorrow…

it really hit me how poverty can make one totally helpless and hopeless... if he were a beggar, I would feel a lot less for him, but this man was trying so hard to make a living...

There were two other powerful images in the attachment, but cos one was merely titled "Mu3 Ai4" it was impossible to google for it; the other merely had a caption. The one on mother love depicts two pairs of mother and child; the poor woman had her child bundled up on her back while she polished her client's (a child) shoe. This kid (i presume) is from a relatively well-off family (as suggested by the woman in fur coat standing behind him). The photographer's clever juxtaposition of these two pairs immediately sent a clear and powerful message....

The other picture showed this couple trying to push a bicycle cart together (i think)... The lady in the picture only had one leg and she hobbled along with one hand on the cart and the other on her crutch... the guy's face can't be seen, but from his movements one can tell he is exerting a lot of strength to get the cart to move. think they are transporting something but i can't tell what. the lady, despite a 'disability' many would deem devastating, had this radiant smile on her face... i guess it's really difficult to guess what the real story is from ONE snapshot, but it appears that she's happy.... and the caption that went along with this picture was "No rose, no diamond ring, but if this is not love, what is love?"

Well it might be true that sometimes pictures are 'exploited' to draw sympathy from people, but i'm sure that there are so many sad stories out there that we haven't seen or heard. hmm what's my point of this entry. i dunno... i guess it really does remind me how fortunate i am. yet whole day complain about little things.

Mardi Gras: Made in China was one of the films featured in the Humans Rights Watch International Film Fest at the Pacific Film Archive. it was certainly a very interesting and good documentary that raises several difficult/controversial questions... not that i'm sadistic or something, but in my opinion, the main question should be about globalization... rather than human rights issues; technically speaking, viewing it from US standards, yes, the living conditions aren't great.... but from what i've seen in China so far, the living conditions really aren't that bad. yes, they work really long hours, but as the documentary shows, these girls really do get more money working at the factories.... so i think sometimes it really boils down to whether those individuals themselves think it's really that intolerable.... sometimes i just feel... who are we to say what's good or what's bad for them?

a really cool thing the director did was this mini cultural exchange thingy. so he went to streets of New Orleans to interview partying ppl if they knew where the beads came from- many of them didn't know and didn't care; in China, many of the girls didn't even know what the beads/ Mardi Gras paraphernalia were used for, how much they could be sold for etc...and when shown pictures of American girls stripping for beads these Chinese girls felt totally embarrassed for them... i just thought it was interesting that alongside themes on globalization, stark differences in cultures were also highlighted...

was researching Hayao Miyazaki for my Jap essay and i came across this interview excerpt from Jan 2006:

YS - You have received a number of prizes, including the Golden Bear Award at the Berlin Film Festival in 2002 and an Oscar for best animated feature film in 2003 for Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi (Spirited Away), which first came out in 2001. Hauru no Ugoku Shiro also was awarded the Osella prize for outstanding technical contribution at the Venice International Film Festival.

MIYAZAKI - Prizes do not mean anything to me. I think it is more important to make a child aware of the existence of a weird creature like a water spider that breathes through its backside.

In Yadosagashi, the leading character, a girl, encounters a lot of bugs when she spends a night at an empty house. The insects stop approaching her after she draws a line between herself and them.

That kind of thing would never happen in real life. But children like to play with these kinds of rules that stop you from crossing some kind of boundary. I think it is important to hold on to that kind of sensitivity. It also is important to have the feeling that everything in the world has a life. That is why the girl observes civilities [toward bugs, trees and shrines].

His first statement, that prizes dun mean anything, and the example of what is more impt to him... just made me really impressed. well, perhaps one can say that he can afford to say such things since he's so accomplished, widely-acclaimed and all, but still, i would give him a benefit of the doubt and believe that he really thinks these little things are important... such an attitude is just very admirable in my opinion.

also, in the last paragraph where he says "it is important to hold on to that kinda of sensitivity. It also is important to have the feeling that everything in the world has a life..." i just feel like the world would be so much better if more ppl think this way. you know, just have some basic respect for all the living things around you... ok not to be extreme lah, not like let all the mosquitoes suck your blood as much as they want kinda thing u know.... but like if some bug is just crawling along a window ledge, just let it be... like dun try to kill it or something?? (the difficult thing though for me is i sometimes dunno where to draw the line...eg. sometimes i get really scared and just want it to go away and in the process might unintentionally murder it)

along these lines, i once was very impressed with my landlord. i think Kai once wanted to kill a bug. then he got a scolding from his dad (and started crying...) but my landlord didn't really care that much about his wailing and made it a point to drill it into his little mind that it is NOT ok to try to harm any living thing.... haha this 'poor' little kid also got another scolding once when he tried to scare a pet bird our neighbor (who went away for a few days) brought over... i was just really impressed how he tried to teach the kid about the world, and how he really tries to instill this sense of respect for living things into Kai...

I borrowed the documentary War Photographer from Elephant Pharmacy yesterday...this film follows renowned photojournalist James Nachtwey through some of his assignments in Kosovo, Indonesia and the West Bank (among others) and answered one question that frequently came to mind-- how are these photographers able to take close-ups of grieving people, corpses, riots, conflicts and what not? you just really have to be there. and not only do you take shots; you also experience the smells, the sounds, the dirt, the horror yourself... while some choose to take pictures from a distance, some really go close up and go all out... and it can be a really dangerous profession at times...

i have also always wondered why people would allow photographers to capture them in their very worst moments... but as James Nachtwey put it in the film, because they also realize that it's a way of letting the world know about the injustice that's happening to them, that these pictures are perhaps the only way (and a very powerful one too) they can reach out for help....(i'm not quoting him, just rephrasing what i think he said) i just think it's so cool, to have individuals like him willing to take on that responsibility...

to see some of James Nachtwey's work, you can go to his gallery

i had the luxury of chatting online with 'old friends' this morning and ended up chatting for almost 4 hours! with ppl coming on and going off one after another. and so i got to talk to huining, ting, sumei, crys, jeannice, jun all in one morning! certainly made me very happy =) and post-first draft submission, i decided to finally download the newest version of MSN... cos ppl hav been telling me (for a year or so!!) how 'behind the times' i am haha. realized that the add-ons and animated stuff can be rather cute. cept for someone's animated 'OK' hehe... (sorry, crys)

it's been especially cold this week...

i figured i do have 2 min to blog about this. Gmail chat automatically turns your horizontal smilies the right side up!!! just a tiny feature, but extremely cute.

the above is a total rip-off from a Carlton card i saw at Target. but I was too cheap to actually buy it... sorry i'm 'cheating' but i absolutely have no time to do anything for anyone really so drew it to wish everyone who visits this blog a Happy Valentine's! (hehe not wasting it too and giving original to Courtney for being really sweet to me when i visited) i thought it was kinda cute. i'm stuck on every one of you in a friendly kinda way you know =) thanks for bothering to find out what's going on with me... i might not be in frequent contact with each and every one of you but all of you occupy some spot in my heart! =)
prob wun hear from me for rest of week though cos i am unfortunately in quite a dire state for research... so ya.

(V-day) commercialism

i couldn't resist blogging about this. hmmm i really dun get how looking alike makes couples bond... apparently some Shanghai couples don't think so... Imagine this... hey why dun we get matching eyes or noses for V-day?
i like how the report ends with this subtle line: The China Consumers Association has warned that there are an average of 20,000 complaints of disfigurement from plastic surgery each year.

sometimes heart attacks can come at the most unexpected and inappropriate of times... but fortunately my heart isn't as faint as it used to be and i'm happy that i can at least deal with issues with sufficient maturity to emerge a better and also happier person... unfortunately this week heart shall be subject to other attacks such as panicking over deadlines. the most worrying thing in mind right now is first draft for thesis due on Friday. (nothing has been written so far!) doesn't help that i hav major problem set due on Thursday... technically can burn midnite oil on Thursday night, but i don't want to end up all lethargic for Fri afternoon session at CHAI and ruin another opportunity to build up a good relationship with my new kid... so lotsa time juggling to do here...

the little guy

ppl who read my blog last sem would probably hav read about Kai and one or two CHAI kids... so today a new little guy entered my life... and totally swept me away =P it was the first time working alone (for the most part) with little N (for client confidentiality we aren't really allowed to disclose names) and he's so affectionate it makes me want to melt... little N was shy initially but after a slightly painful game (for me!!!) of pulling and releasing the rubber band on my wrist he kinda decided... ok this person doesn't seem that scary after all... and should be reliable and can cosy up to her... and so from time to time after playing for a lil bit he will just come up to me and just like totally fall into my arms... CONTRARY to what many ppl have been telling me (those who joke accuse me of being a paedophile; others say i have maternal instincts) I think it's just a very natural human instinct to want to reciprocate such a pure/innocent desire to want to feel loved (on the part of the kid) with affection.
well sad to say this, but i think him being so cute intensifies this instinct.... (i dunno who told me this, unfortunate as it may sound, apparently studies have shown that babies do have higher tendency to cry or something when they see an uglier face) but even though we are somewhat predisposed to liking ppl who look better, it is so so impt to always bear in mind that it's getting to know a person's character that really counts... that behind each and every ugly or pretty face it's a person with feelings.... makes me think about pets too; and an old SPCA poster that used to to hang on my side of the bedroom wall- it pictured an extremely cute terrier, with a caption which went something like... To you he's just a pet, but to him you're the world.... i just hope for the sake of all these living creatures that their owners are aware of the fact that they are dealing with precious lives here, not just thingies they can just discard and cast aside when they are bored with them.... alright sorry for sounding so preachy but i mean these are really important things in life what. hmm. and i have digressed quite a bit from original topic. =P

tickled by other ppl's V-day blues

now that it's drawing closer to Valentine's Day, are individuals panicking about what to give that special someone?? (i do acknowledge that V-Day is not just about romance but it still is dominantly portrayed and perceived that way right) and it also appears that this fretting seems to be a lot more severe among the male population? well perhaps i'm wrong but just an hour ago i was consulted by a panicky guy friend who didn't know what to do for his gf on V-day... wanted to be original and sincere but then so lazy some more.... tsk tsk. my deepest sympathies goes out to all those guys wishing to please their girlfriends.... if V-day is for lovers, why is it so heavily biased against the poor guys...(however in Japan guys get chocs from women on V-day! though they have to like return the favor a month later on White Day) like to a large extent, guys are still somewhat expected to take the initiative... foot dinner bills etc? no? perhaps i'm guilty of thinking this way too but suddenly i'm just like... why should this be the case? sometimes i find myself holding some expectations of things, yet I never really thought critically about where these expectations came from and whether they are still relevant... sometimes certain (dated) social norms are so hard-wired into our brains that we dun even think about whether they actually make sense or not.

oh well... anwyay, in some ways, i'm somewhat happy to be out of the game... and to be able to laugh and poke fun at ppl like *ahem* =P

it's very interesting to take small classes such as thesis classes where you get to read other ppl's work and talk about them.... and some pretty amusing (but perhaps not that surprising) things i observed today-- that ppl seem pretty good at pointing out ways forward/ things to look up for their peers, but can sometimes be more directionless when it comes to their own... sometimes it's really a case of pang2 guan1 zhe3 qing1. and even when other ppl point out flaws/weaknesses; some individuals can unabashedly declare 'i dunno'... without displaying slightest sign of embarrassment... i mean I'm totally capable of breaking down or something! oh well. i'm talking about Americans here. but not bad lah; i mean at least i dun feel that inferior... though i can never match up to their eloquence... but at least i feel like ppl dun seem to be able to write as well as they can argue.... =P on the other hand, i have to say though ppl have pretty good ideas and suggestions, so it's definitely a very good way to learn =) still stressed though about my own research...
on a VERY random and boliao note, the new batch of Meiji Yan Yan snacks have messages on them... but they are prob the most inconsistent messages i've ever seen! eg. i mean the Meiji Animal crackers have animals that come with respective labels; so do the vehicle crackers (ok i think you get the point) but these Yan Yan ones are just so random. so for Frog.... it says amphibian; Seal? Loves to sun tan.... Fox: Beware of Lies; Chick? lucky color is yellow...... i'm like ???!! (if i'm a kid who loves Yan Yan my world would be pretty warped if i'm constantly fed (no pun intended) these messages...)

i was sorely mistaken when i assumed that my parents were 'immune' to my travelling whims... but perhaps volunteering alone in a foreign country was different. (so they argue...) but to minimize shock, i proposed a nearby country-- Thailand. (but apparently it's prone to bird flu and recently two girls just went missing there or something; goodness knows what other even more valid reasons would have come up had i expressed even a slight intent to go to Africa....) so the initial joy from having gotten permission from HDB to not return immediately for work has turned into disappointment... well i know parents mean well but i just feel so held back that i can't help saying nasty things about incident... =( maybe i should be a 'good' girl for once huh.

How many sunsets ( here) left?

the evening skies here have been pretty amazing the past few days. this picture was randomly taken while walking down Hearst Ave... yet none of my pictures does justice to these beautiful sunsets... it's just somewhat soothing to be walking alone, while 'in the company' of skies beautifully suffused with deep yellows, pink and blue.

with submissions from other thesis class students coming in, semester is starting to get busy... attempted to read a classmate's draft this afternoon... and it certainly isn't easy trying to get into the inner workings of a "fellow muddled brain" =P but makes me feel like i'm not alone... sigh. perhaps when my draft is due two fridays from now, i'll have fellow classmates thinking the same thing about me. wonder if the other drafts are a lot more organized than the very first one i read though. i guess i'll find out over the next couple of days...
and i feel like i'm kinda settling in nicely into my semester... even though it sucks to have to get up at 8am every single day, sometimes enjoyable Jap classes really make the one/two hours loss of sleep daily worthwhile... and i'm also starting to believe strongly that no matter how busy i get, certain activities remain essential... filling in the small pockets of free time with meaningful activities like trying to prevent fat accummulation and volunteering really do 'soak up' time previously spent thinking negative or random thoughts... just hope i can keep up with this for rest of sem... =)

I walked into a beautiful sunset on my way home...

sometimes i really wonder if my ability to make judgments about issues/encounters becomes severely impaired by my emotional side. today i found myself getting really upset after some comments from a professor regarding my research approach... i'm wondering if i'm now feeling more discouraged than i really ought to because I took things personally too? probably because of the fact that i resolved last week to work hard on thesis and care less about trivial emotional stuff... only to find that even so, 'purely academic' things can make me upset too. And I dunno how i should really assess situation; did professor say what he did because of personal biases? i mean to certain extent what he said was his opinion and i am entitled to my own.... yet you have to concede that professors are probably more well-informed and familiar with their own fields of interest and probably have good reasons for being disapproving of certain things...

i guess one thing that really bothered me though was that I could tell he seemed pretty reluctant to discuss stuff with me (though at least was still pretty professional, but gave rather curt replies; i mean i am not totally insensitive so i kinda got the point...) and i dunno if it was because i was being very bothersome or was it just cos he disliked my research approach? The horrible thing is though is that I do enjoy his lectures (i've just been sitting in cos i'm interested) and for a moment i thought of just not going anymore. but then again, that's rather immature cos seriously I do learn things from his lectures lah; and i would be penalizing myself from learning new and useful things... so i have to be less childish and still go. ok. so long-winded. in short, I just thought he seemed negative about what I had to ask and me being overly sensitive to negative attitudes in other ppl got (unnecessarily?) upset...

what did i learn? 1) perhaps self-regulate and get less upset when other ppl dun seem to hold very positive views of me/what I want to do 2) try not to be discouraged, cos maybe i can prove that my way isn't that bad after all? 3) be more accepting of different POVs.... you know, I acknowledge at the back of my mind that diversity of opinions can be good. yet i can get unwittingly upset when ppl disagree... i think i tend to take disagreement too personally sometimes. how to change that... i dunno. slowly i guess.

I finally watched Ang Lee's widely acclaimed Brokeback Mountain last Friday and found it extremely saddening... and one line just lingered on in my head (and perhaps in many other ppl's heads too)... "I wish i knew how to quit you"--such a simple statement but says so much... it was a good movie. unfortunately i watched it when i was extremely tired... and sometimes i couldn't catch their accents. but.... even then you can get a lot out of it... and so i was just randomly surfing and realized that Heath Ledger (one of lead actors) starred as the romantic guy in 10 things I Hate About You too! and i remember really liking that movie (and his character in a very 'infatuated' kind of way)... but it's those kind of romantic teen movies...but a decent sort in this genre...haha. i shall hunt it down and watch it again when i have time... =P

Newly inspired

maybe Starbucks had this going for some time already, but it was only this morning while reading at Starbucks did i notice a quote printed on one side of my paper cup... and it said The Way I See it #61. It was a quote from Bill Brummel (a documentary film maker interested in human rights issues)

Imagine we are all the same. Imagine we agree about politics, religion and
morality. Imagine we like the same types of music, art, food and coffee. Imagine
we all look alike. Sound boring? Differences need not divide us. Embrace
diversity. Dignity is everyone's human right.

i thought it was such a cool idea... and i happened to get a very cool quote too. and so i've decided to rename my blog after this thingy.... =P so the next time you go to Starbucks, take a min or two to see what quote you get!

i also decided to check out the website to look for more quotes, and i chanced upon this other quote (under my new title) which means a lot to me ... given that i've actually been pondering over some of my own actions directly related to what the author was saying. Here are some bits from an interview... "it struck me that most of life is a series of reciprocal trade agreements: I give you this. You give me that. Teaching and parenting are the only exception. A teacher or parent gives, and what they get is the unparalleled experience of giving without expectation – the soul-gratifying experience of planting a tree from which you will never pluck the fruit." Later he continues, "Whether in the schoolroom, the living room, the bedroom, or the boardroom, loving forward is life’s most noble adventure. Love is a ladder; it allows us to climb out of ourselves." I think much as i try not to, i am still guilty of wanting some form of reciprocation from ppl i like... and sometimes it unwittingly gets into your head so much that, you know, you become upset when ppl dun seem to care... perhaps the way forward (to becoming a better person) is to just be more da4 liang4... and be less 'petty'.... (it's different from being bochap and indifferent, btw) easy to say but hard to do i guess. but it's really a worthwhile goal to work towards. =)

Happy New Year!

though it's still officially New Year's Eve on my side... it's New Year for the Sg/UK ppl and so... xin nian kuai le to all my dear friends. =) not doing anything special for New Year... perhaps just going for some Singaporean dinner at one of junior's houses. went with Jacqui to Chinatown this morning to look at some CNY fair... but it disappeared.. so ended up buying food from Oakland Chinatown. there were snaking lines of ppl queueing up for shao1 la4 and stuff... just for fun, i bought some char siew for my housemates to try... the funniest comments (but it's perfectly understandable for him to ask the questions he did) were from Kai-- why is it red? I think it's blood... which part of the pig is this from? but despite the doubtful comments he just popped pieces into his mouth anyways and actually found it pretty yummy... =)

the fresh start day didn't really begin too smoothly cos it saw me borrowing pencil from neighbor during jap class (cos forgot all stationery) and later rummaging through backpack for wallet when attempting to buy a notebook in the bookstore (to realize that i forgot my wallet, too) so had to take bus all the way home to get wallet.... but still bent on fresh start plan.... and one concrete attempt to do this was forcing myself to go for an aerobics class at the gym! but to my surprise, i found that i really quite like STEP (i went for step basics, since i've never done STEP before)... i mean i couldnt' really follow the rest of the class at times... but it's pretty fun. and not super crowded, unlike the more popular classes (such as kickboxing...) and i certainly prefer step over kickboxing... so... i shall make that a regular 'item' on schedule... (and hopefully dun get lazier as semester goes by) as of NOW, at least i feel like i'm one step closer to making my life more chong1 shi2..... =)

i think i spend so much time mulling over the silliest things when i can be a lot more productive and happy appreciating the last semester i have here... esp given it's the last 'official' chance for some time to come to really learn all there is to learn... the lectures i've sat in thus far are both good and very informative... and i really like them... but haven't been paying full attention. nor have i been conscientiously doing the readings i ought to have been doing... and instead of feeling so upset over the way some things are, i just need to "wake up"...

and some days ago i was also mulling over how i can sometimes be rather isolated, without realizing that it was also at times (actually frequently) self-imposed... and then what position am i really in to complain? and i realized today that i have yet to really learn what it means to be a really good and decent person. hopefully tmr will mark a fresh start.

it's rather irritating how i can't help myself from getting really upset over little things sometimes. and to have to lift your own spirits by ignoring them AMAP or by distracting yourself with other things.
also quite aware how i will have a sore lack of good company this sem and one task at hand is inevitably to find some things (other than sch work) to occupy myself else i shall be quite a miserable creature. i wonder why i'm not even thinking about people.

why do ppl cry when they are sad. it certainly doesn't make one less sad.

Last of all..... the Prague metro stations

after declaring my affinity for Prague's metro stations cannot leave everyone wondering what they really looked like right? =P last hour in Prague was actually spent hopping on and off the train to take pictures of nice stations....and diff lines had diff styles too. actually didn't have that much time either, and there were some disappointments too... but here are a handful i think are nice. =)

Namesti Miru and Namesti Republiky are my favorite ones...

Close up of Staromestka

Namesti Miru zoomed out

Nadrazi Holesovice

Muzeum (this isn't that nice, but just to show the variety...)

Pretty things and curious sights

was quite disappointed this morning cos didn't get into the photography class; but the thesis class in afternoon made me totally intimidated and stressed and in some sense it was a small consolation cos i realize i need to spend so much time on my research, esp given a class of seemingly very competent classmates.... sigh... one goal this sem is to try to read more widely and try to be less unknowledgeable... sigh. and right now life seems to be in a mini mess...
oh well. anyway, here's today's share of pictures. enjoy.

Pretty gate near Palais de Papes, Avignon

Lovely benches, Bratislava castle

ah. Time for a ham and cheese sandwich....

Candles in tinted jars, street stall in Ljubljana

no idea what this is; but they tried to sell it to me... (in a friendly way; unfortunately i didn't understand what they were trying to tell me) (Zagreb)

Beggar in streets, Prague

HEAPS of bread, supermarket in Bratislava

Flowers!

now for the non-tourist attraction pictures.... somehow the pics i hav below all show roses; i really don't fancy roses that much; it's just coincidental... (more to come next time! sorry i'm sounding as if ppl are keen to see my pics... =P)

a day at sch made me realize how much i'll miss this place after i graduate... and discovered that i could still undertand about 70% of what my sensei was talking about and felt really happy! but i have so much catching up to do. =( seems like watching anime did help a little though. and i hope i get into my Visual Studies 181... if so i will end up at the end of a semester with a mini portfolio of ("self-developed") black and white pictures... how cool is that =P

Rose potpourri (i think) in shop along street, Nice

Cute bunches of roses at flower market, Nice

Roses at flower market, Nice (actually the artificially-dyed ones are rather ugly...)

FAKE roses near market square, Zagreb. (ok i dun like fake flowers, but somehow they just 'popped out' at me when i was scaling the steps and so it was pleasantly surprising....)

Trip Highlights

La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona (Gaudi never managed to finish his project)

Park Guell (another of Gaudi's creations), Barcelona

Palais de Papes, Avignon, France

Beach at Nice, France

On the way up to Casino, Monaco

University of Ljubljana, Slovenia

Skofja Loka (oldest town in Slovenia but very picturesque)

unknown structure, Zagreb, Croatia

Statue on Charles Bridge, Prague, Czech Republic

Glimpse of the Danube River and bridge from the Bratislava Castle, Slovakia

Home!
am finally home and somewhat jetlagging and thus blogging at an unearthly 4.45 am. United's Europe flights always seems to have ice cream and better food than its Asia-Pacific flights and i wonder why that is the case. strangely enough, it really feels like coming home though this is not really 'home'... i realized that i took a whopping 600 or so pictures (many of which are lousy though) and it's certainly not possible to upload everything so will thematically upload some over the next few entries.

after spending a night in Bratislava, in a noisy and slightly scary dorm room with seven (or six; if i assume that zy was not guilty) snoring males, i was really relieved that the rest of my hostel stays were certainly nowhere near the somewhat unpleasant experience last night. not that it was REALLY unbearable, but just somewhat unpleasant =P the best (and best value for money, too) hostel was perhaps the one in Prague, which had a most comfortable bed... and an extremely warm and soft down comforter!!! tonight´s room is alright; but certainly not worth the 30 Euros i had to fork out... oh well. no choice; this was the only one i could find online. anyway, am flying back tmr afternoon! excited to start a new semester again, but extremely unprepared for school =P

i realized how easily misunderstandings can arise when ppl dun really speak their minds and how often guessing what's on other ppl's minds can be unexpectedly difficult and very misleading... how true can my Charles Dickens quote (above) be??
am into the last 3 days of my Europe trip; am now in a very cold and gloomy Prague; hopefully weather's sunnier tmr =) the best thing i've noticed about Prague thus far (after walking around for about 3 hours or so) are some of their metro stations-- some stations have really cool and stylish 'walls'/facades or whatever you call it.... mmm.. i am referring to the 'wall' opposite the platform. certain stations have really simple but very cool designs; not things like murals/ famous pieces of art and what not; but just simple tiles/patterns that look really good. with simple silver letters spelling out the names of the station.... hmm. difficult to describe here but will post pics when i get back =)
and last of all, a piece of good and unexpected news to share- i got admitted into my PEIS thesis class! overjoyed but will have lots to worry about in time to come... =P

i seriously seriously miss Chinese food. i hate bread but no choice else i will starve. missed train to Vienna and am in some random Slovenian city. spent the past 3 nights in Ljubjlana, Slovenia and took a train to Zagreb, Croatia, yesterday--it was another of my wandering-around-city alone thingies and i was actually really happy to be just roaming around with no agenda... the feeling of being lost in a crowd with no familiar faces around... it just felt really foreign cos i didnt even see a single Asian face around but i felt perfectly happy to be immersed in a totally diff culture... hai. but i am starting to miss Berkeley hehe.

embarked on mini adventure today and life is both terribly random and "exciting". hopped on 2-hr train to Geneva from Lyon, and it was rather therapeutic being alone on a train watching snow-covered landscape file past... mini nightmare came when i arrived to realize that last min-accommodation booked at Lyon is inaccessible via public transport and so have been wandering streets of Geneva lugging rolling duffel all around cos i refuse to pay 8 Swiss Francs for a locker... and in about 2 hours or so i shall hope very hard that i will manage to catch zy at train station, esp cos we didnt plan to meet there at all... now shall head back to train station and camp there for next couple of hours, with Swiss chocs i bought from the supermart to binge on... hmm what if no one turns up..... uh... guess the "fun" will begin then...

it's time to criticize myself instead; while some ppl HAVE to go to supermarkets; I never fail to slip into the Zaras and H&Ms whenever i spot them; i dun even buy stuff half the time but just can't resist myself from going in... and there was a sale at the Monaco Zara today! very rare. and i bought an impractical long coat =P sigh. it's good that i'm leaving land of outdoor carousels, tartlettes and baguettes for Central Europe tmr morning... no more Zaras for me (i think....)

am off to Cannes/Monaco today... just a very quick note on daily itineraries... the supermarket has been an attraction in every single city... the bigger the better.. cos higher chance of finding roast chicken. though i'm not exactly a supermart fan i have been highly influenced to be thrifty... but supermarts are however places to hunt down interesting french cookies for me =P i just hope i wun get sick of them soon... not to be evil; but am really amused how persistent companion is on finding cheap food when i'm undoubtedly the poorer person...

am in Nice but stuck with extremely slow connection and non-qwerty keyboard so feel very disabled... prob can't write a proper entry till like 2 or 3 days later...

i really had no clue how famous a team FC Barcelona was so when i said i didn´t want to pay 10 Euros to go into the stadium and museum think zy was a little shocked =P so instead decided to return to the Picasso museum as it was closed yesterday (New Year´s Day) but unfortunately it was closed today too cos they are closed on Mondays! aargh so very sad didn´t get to go in. but i chanced upon my KUKUSUMUSU store!! (where i bought my "stranger´s favorite" lil-monkeys- stack-up-to-kiss-giraffe-tee first summer in France) Consolation also came in the form of a free attraction that gave me breathtaking aerial views of the entire city... decided to just visit Park Guell (also by famous architect Antoni Gaudi) for a relaxing afternoon stroll and this totally random choice has turned out to be my favorite destination... Click here for pictures if you just want to have an idea of some of the highlights of the park.

just one last comment about Spanish dressing.... the most popular colors are undoubtedly black, brown; diff shades of olive/army green; deep orange and khaki... all very "earthy" colors... dunno perhaps cos it´s winter and coats generally dun come in other colors? but scarves also follow similar color tones... i was surprised that even many children dun wear very pastely or bright colors... i like how they dress... and the color combis... very cool. =P ya and so as a result i really couldn´t blend into the crowd lah. what with a light purple backpack and light blue skechers shoes... too ai4 yan3 le. and so high-sch kid-ish... haha. but i mean travelling mah.. cannot wear too nice things. get dirty or spoilt will xintong one... hmm.. i shall attempt a very gradual wardrobe revamp after this...

just spent most of the evening and night roaming the streets..... and i found two Zaras!!! within like few blocks of each other. unfortunately it´s not that cheap... but still cheaper. hehe and i bought one tiny thing just now... =P chanced upon this street with vendors selling really cute arty necklaces, earrings and bracelets... wanted to buy EVERYTHING... but obviously cannot. so just took pics... even though i´ve only spent like 3-4 hours or so walking around... can totally imagine this place being shopping paradise for ppl who can afford it... the poor me shall be contented with just a few cheap Zara steals... also look forward to seeing the famous architecture and museums in the day! am now waiting for bathroom to clear up and for travel companion to turn up... hope tmr wun be spent searching for a missing zy. j/k.

will be flying to Barcelona tmr afternoon and i'm reading reports of snowstorms and "wintry weather" on BBC. flights cancelled lah, snow everywhere... hmm. am actually trying to just bring one coat but now i have second thoughts. but nevermind lah; hope i can find cheap Zara in Barcelona! though i ought to refrain from getting any more long coats.... =(
long flight tmr; but it will give me plenty of time to figure out more camera functions; as I am really tempted to execute a particular plan of documenting someone's reaction to piece of news I am going to "break"... =P

Memoirs of a Geisha (spoiler alert; but not really also lah)

this movie certainly didn't do justice to the book; in fact it's rather disappointing. contrary to reviews i've read; i didn't think Zhang Ziyi was particularly impressive; Michelle Yeoh was ok.. and though i didn't think i would be bothered by the non-Japanese lead actresses....during the movie i did get somewhat irked by how un-Japanese Zhang Ziyi and Michelle Yeoh both looked...i mean not that it's their fault; but ya choice of cast is just like inappropriate. Gong Li can at least pass off a little in the movie... but if anything was good about the movie; it was probably Gong Li's performance... she was so good as the 'evil' Hatsumomo and i was quite impressed =P and there was some funny plot twist towards the end.. some American occupation of Japan or something that i didn't recall reading in the book and it was just so odd. but maybe my memory's just failing me. and last of all, i thought their accents were all really weird. it sounded a little like Japanese-accented English, but not really also. I read somewhere that they had to hire some linguistic expert to try to make the pan-Asian cast speak in a similar accent... what accent this is i really hav no clue... of course i am in no position to criticize their individual accents; but i mean for the purposes of the movie; it just didn't work out too well....
alright i'm complained enough about the movie =P i just had to complain how i didn't get my money's worth =P but nonetheless the beautiful kimono costumes were definitely eye candy for me =)

felt somewhat discouraged yesterday afternoon after spending the whole afternoon in vain trying to write prospectus.... but after giving it some thought last night and complaining about it to someone, i feel newly inspired! i shall try really hard this couple of days and make sure i churn out something before i leave for Europe on Friday. nevermind if it's not good enough; i have to try to make sure that i get admitted into the class at the very least.... and shall reward myself with Memoirs of a Geisha if i manage to finish it by midday tmr. i had better.... now for a nerdy afternoon of work!

feel somewhat xintong that i might have done something bad to my car by bringing it on the road trip and causing a mini glitch near the end... but at least that's repairable... am so thankful that nothing REALLY BAD happened... will however be pretty reluctant to drive own car for road trips again =P

much as i like to get upset sometimes over my lack of many friends, i however feel really fortunate that i happen to know some really wonderful and decent individuals.

it really feels very comfortable road-tripping with 'old frens'; and once again i got verbally abused by the two guys, for various reasons. well i guess it wasn't totally unreasonble to be picked on those things that i was picked on for, but i'm totally defenceless when these two join forces. i get mad; but it's a kind of will-forget-about-it-after-15min kind of mad; cos i wonder when we would ever do road trips again; or just be all together in the same place again; considering how each of us would prob be doing his/her own thing after we graduate...

these past two days i was also reminded of various things i ought to bear in mind; particular areas i'm so inadequate in and certainly should seek to make improvements to; how weak-willed i am; how when it comes to academic learning i almost always experience some kind of memory loss; how i'm so inferior in so many many aspects. and i'm also reminded of how i am really nowhere near what i might want to do in the distant future; nor am making any real effort to move towards that direction... also dun exactly know how being aware of these will really help. but hopefully i'll feel lousy enough to work on these problem areas and make the most of my last sem.

PS: i can finally eat normal food! and face is no longer very bloated =P but i have patches of blue black on both sides of my jawline.....

will be driving my Honda down to LA tonight (poor car...) and will be spending Christmas in San Diego... doubt will be able to blog till i come back from this roadtrip; so Merry Christmas to all my dear friends =) i'll return on the 26th.

Thanks to Netflix, i managed to watch Promises from the comforts of my bed; without even going to the video store to rent the dvd... i know Netflix has been around for some time, but i've never really bothered signing up....no time to watch videos during semester! but last week i was both free and boliao after finals and so decided to sign up for the 2-week trial subscription and be cheapo and watch say 3 or 4 shows i've always wanted to watch, for free... =P
the children in the documentary left a really deep impression; though they are only 11-13, they seem to be pretty mature for their age... and hold pretty individualistic views on the Israel-Palestinian conflict... but it's rather saddening too how because of this conflict many also hold grudges against children from 'the other side'. whom they might not have even met before...

i think i look like a hippo today. sumei says i look 'cute'; like those actors/actresses who intentionally put on weight for their roles.. sigh. how flattering =P but whatever lah; decided i had to run errands and couldn't hide in house forever so i went out. =P

so even though i can't really eat solid foods; diet hasn't really been compromised. if anything, i'm afraid i might have packed on more calories.... i made a blueberry smoothie for dinner yest; finished more than half a pint of Haagen Dazs this afternoon... ate two Yoplait yogurt whips within these two days- choc mousse and lemon meringue; and nibbled on two blueberry muffins i made this afternoon... in between i did have porridge twice but i think i ate far more unhealthy stuff! bad Shi Min. i had better be careful those swollen cheeks dun become permanent ones by the time real swelling has subsided.

AARGH. i look like a total goldfish/hamster that likes to tuck food in its cheek pockets now!!!! totally disfigured and mei2 lian3 jian4 ren2 now... sob. =( and cheeks are so swelled up i can hardly move my mouth. good news is though that bleeding is starting to stop...

i'm actually not as goldfish-faced as i expected myself to be (so i'm relieved) but there's still some swelling (which hopefully wun get worse over next few days...). So the whole surgery was actually surprisingly short; in slightly less than an hour all my 4 wisdom teeth were taken out. it's actually not as painful as i thought it might be lah, but it was still a pretty nasty experience. i HATED the grinding sounds... and unfortunately, as "she has a tiny mouth" the oral surgeon had some problems reaching in.... dun think my mouth is that small but perhaps it's not too 'stretchable' and i can't open it very wide... =P other than that i think it went fine.
am just feeling =( cos wounds refuse to stop bleeding and jaw feels really kinda sore and weak from biting on gauze all day. and of course, got mini 'scolding' from mum upon hearing that i took all 4 out... and should have known better than to have told her that wounds have been bleeding ever since the extraction... oh well. in the end i decided on the spot that i'd rather listen to the doctor (and NEVER have to go through this again) than to listen to mum... =P i hope it wun turn out to be a bad decision....

i'm scared.... IT will take place in about 2 hours. i think the reason i'm getting so nervous is cos i keep thinking about how the surgeon will go about extracting it. cos the tooth is under the gum and i keep wondering how they will cut up the gum to yank the cosily-lodged tooth out.... and it conjures up some random horrifying images in my mind.... pain shouldn't be that bad; i just can't take the "goriness"... Dentists ought to have TVs in the surgery room; or other wildly distracting things to distract patients with vivid imaginations from inducing undue fear in themselves......

though i have a stiff neck; and ache all over right now, i'm so thankful everything's over... shall postpone all the worrying till next week. but another big 'worry' is gonna come up in a day-- am going to take out my wisdom teeth on Saturday! aargh. now i have ONE day to eat whatever i want before being 'reduced' to a semi-liquid diet on Saturday.... mum has been telling me to just take two out at a go... was also regularly warned how dreadful and horrifying taking all 4 out might be...to much amusement. hmmm maybe i'll just take 2 out... cos i fear the pain but above all i'm also vain and greedy and wun want to hav a swollen face and to have go hungry over this festive season.....

am rather upset that i'm about to turn in a crappy history paper, esp cos i really enjoyed this class and cos i really invested so much time into all the readings. and i'm so gonna screw up both my econ finals and i only have myself to blame. =(

i hate myself for always doing things that will screw up my finals during the finals period... and i hate how there's never allowance for 'emotional regulation'.... life goes on, whether you are upset, sick, unlucky or not. stop and cry and risk getting a double, or even triple, whammy.

i turned all rabbit-ish since last evening, almost devouring the whole packet of baby carrots (which i normally wouldn't even finish in a week) within one day... the reason being that i decided to copy my Thanksgiving hosts by making myself some fresh ranch dip using sour cream and the dip mix.... and it turned out to be quite addictive so even though i dun usually have any particular affinity for RAW carrots, i quickly depleted my supply of carrots.... haha. well at least they aren't chips this time round. (though i hav to admit the dip isn't exactly very healthy =P)

while on the issue of animals (somewhat) i had a close encounter with a squirrel today! was eating a sandwich outside Gianini before my review session when a squirrel came into close proximity (eyeing my food i guess).... and so i pinched a piece of bread and held it out, staying as still as possible.... and waited for a min or so (in attempt to convince it i wasn't an evil person) and it actually came forward and picked the bread out of my hand! so cute... but haha i guess squirrels dun like turkey and cheese so it sniffed at it for a lil while before discarding its 'find' and bouncing away....

finally up after a long sweet slumber and sleeping never felt so good... haha. =P well so everything's turned in but certainly somewhat "substandard".... ended up with only 16/17 pgs or so of prospectus; wonder if prof would take that as sign of incompetence or sloppiness? but of course i myself also realize that it certainly wasn't a very well put-together one... and seriously..... i don' t think he'll even get a good sense of what i intend to do... i'll be rather surprised if i get in. but whatever lah, i will toss it out of my head for time being =P while i really do like writing, it now pains me that i have yet another 10 pgs of a history paper to turn in next week.... tog with finals, of course; but after next Thurs, i'll be DONE! =)

decided since i'm gonna embark on paper-writing marathon from about now till 4pm tmr... what's 200 words or so about a random blog-worthy incident this morning? =P

today's the last day of class... was in 142 lect when a fair-skinned jap/korean-looking lady stepped in and started shooting Ken Chay lecturing, with her digicam... didn't even notice her till KC announced, "oh, that's my wife".... then for like 1 min or so after he seemed a little nervous and couldn't really continue lecturing (with her standing there silently taking his pics....) haha. thought quite sweet though like quite weird too... well she left after 3 min or so but it was funny witnessing KC's "weak moment" after getting so used to him being always all-confident.... he's one lecturer who doesn't even get the least bit uneasy when bad-mouthing some of the most accomplished individuals around (good-humoredly, of course)

i think it takes some skill to be a good GSI and my 142 GSI is pretty cool-- cos he really tries to be 'fair' to be everyone.. he ensures that everyone who turns up gets to ask his/her question and lets ppl take turns... and what made me pretty impressed was that he could read my cues.. like he could tell when i didn't seem to understand and then double-checked to make sure i did... =P (not just this time round; at previous office hours too...) oh well, unless whenever i am confused it's so obvious that he picks it up straight away? haha. alright, back to studying for midterm in evening.