was struck with a sore throat two days ago and am now suffering from a most irritating and itchy dry cough :( and will soon get a splitting headache if dad doesn't stop nagging at me to go see a doctor :P but prob will hav to tmr.... :(

pace is starting to pick up at work; though i can still pack up and go quite promptly at 6pm everyday... i guess i'm trying to do so while i can... sadly waking up so early in the morning everyday is still quite a pain, and plans to read a book on the MRT haven't been too successful. i can feel the fatigue setting in even though i haven't exactly been working hard at all and it beats me how ppl can work >10 hr days. perhaps the answer is you'll do it when you HAVE to... and perhaps i'll gradually get used to it. there's so much to learn and figure out! i'm excited also because i'm finally going to witness how ppl/organizations really operate... and i wonder when i'll be able to start feeling more useful than troublesome :P

having been surrounded by many peers (esp since sec sch) born with silver spoons in their mouths, it would be a blatant lie if i never once experienced feelings of envy... i suppose it's natural to make superficial comparisons and ask, why XXX can have all these things without working for them while i can't?? backgrounds aside, i believe i've also questioned why XXX is so smart while i am not?? OR... why is XXX so lucky to get this this and that but not me?? and when one is feeling sore about what one doesn't have, he/she neglects everything else that he/she does have. while on bad days i might try to deny that my life is good, in general i have to admit that i am a very fortunate girl with a loving family, great friends, and a beneficiary of a "fortuitous" education at Berkeley... reflecting on experiences in the past year or so; drawing on various recent articles i've read on ppl who have succeeded in accomplishing their goals and learning from the actions pf ppl i know who have inspired me, i'm repeatedly reminded of how impt it is to WORK hard, stragetically, for the things that you want... while 'windfalls' do happen, if you really want something to happen, you have to keep working for/on it... such a simple fact but sometimes really hard to put into action.

today's the second time it struck me that something was 'amiss' in Singapore--when i needed a nice cafe to sit down and do some reading. there is a sore lack of places where you can sit down with a book and have some peace and quiet to yourself to do some afternoon reading... while there are cafes around, it's sometimes even difficult to secure a table... i suppose it being the weekend makes it a lot worse. i miss the Berkeley cafes... like Brewed Awakening... where ppl around you actually inspire you... haha. imagine having loads of ppl reading at 8am at a cafe... and i remb more than one occasion whereby i unintentionally "eavesdropped" on ppl's intellectual and cheem discussions... i suppose the best alternative is to hide at home, but home's ultimately not the best place to be if i want some peace and quiet to myself :P sometimes i really wished i could make half the Singaporean population disappear... hehe being evil.

day 2 of tagging along with colleagues to see how they explain to respective residents compensations they are entitled to etc etc... and got to do a couple under supervision of experienced colleague! i'm RATHER lousy :( have to learn to think on feet, practise bilingual capabilities and perhaps learn to be more proficient in dialect! (though i'll prob be too embarrassed to speak in broken Hokkien) wun be doing such things that frequently though. haha and uttered first sentence in teochew in a very long time. i said something like i am Teochew but i don't really know how to speak teochew (in weirdly-accented teochew), while feeling a little guilty and useless... ha. i hope to become a good 'explainer' in future. seriously, all these calculations, regulations, rules and conditions are so confusing! if i were an old illiterate lady i'll be downright lost... while generally standard of living is rising; technology improving... yet somehow feel like lives are also getting more complicated by the day.

though most of my new colleagues are young mothers/newly-weds and so there is a tiny age gap... for once i feel young! haha. and INEXPERIENCED, of course. but as a former scholar who worked in the unit told me, "the aunties will take care of you".... they are far from aunties, in my opinion! some of them look so young i couldn't believe them when they told me they were married with kids! i on the other hand, despite being a decade younger than some of them, probably didn't look THAT much younger.... :P
it also appears that many of them have been working at HDB for quite some time.... and were happy with their jobs. it's certainly comforting for a newbie to be told that :) of course, i will slowly find out why.

first day of work was expectedly pretty uneventful, but at least everything went smoothly. HDB hardly gets new faces and so i couldn't help but feel extremely new and inexperienced :P tmr however seems to be a day to look forward to-- i start work at around 1 something in the afternoon... and day ends at 930pm! will tag along with colleagues visiting residents eligible for SERS (Selective En bloc Redevelopment Scheme) and good thing is... i actually get to go out in jeans and sneakers! :P

numbers...

3 namecards received at mini Berk gathering on Friday.
4 unexpected sightings of old sec/jc frens at NUS commencement today.
11 hrs or so to first 'official meeting' with sis's bf.
12 hrs to sis's commencement.
1.5 days to starting work! (kinda look forward to it... but sometimes wonder if bumming in bliss is better state to be in? guess i'll find out...)

The good old pavilion

if a tourist only visits the Botanical Gardens while in Singapore, he/she might actually be misleaded into thinking that Singapore had a Caucasian population of around 30-40%... least from what i saw today. i suppose that's also largely due to the location of the gardens... it's been ages since i last visited, but it's really a pretty pleasant place to jog, take nice long walks or walk your dog :P

much as i feel that i am fine with doing everything alone, little sweet gestures and little incidents also remind me that one's experiences also become less memorable and meaningful if one does not have close ones with whom he/she can share both joys and woes.

another rail-related entry... but this time it's the LRT :P

though i risk sounding like a super suaku Singaporean, but today marks my inaugural ride on the LRT! haha, well yeah, it's nothing as spectacular as the railway that has been grabbing headlines everywhere of late, but still a small wonder on its own. least it gave me a very pleasant short ride today... it seems like a very efficient and versatile of transporting ppl 'deeper' into HDB estates. reminded me a little of the MUNI actually, with its upward/downward sloping tracks at certain points. of course, i am totally unaware of possible cost/schedule issues that regular commuters might have been/be concerned about.... :)

and so the world's highest Qinghai-Tibet railway opens today (Sat). i think CCTV has been covering the 'historic event' rather extensively.... this morning while dad was watching special mini documentary of railway... i stopped in front of the TV and casually remarked that i wanted to go, only to be instantly, mildly 'rebuked' for wanting to travel everywhere (it has actually been one of my frivolous fantasy destinations for a while... you know, places you dream about visiting some day but don't know if you ever will) THEN, at night, Dad was watching coverage on the railway again. this time round, he encouraged me to watch the program and told me that "the scenery on TV was breathtaking, even better and clearer than if you were to go on your own".... sigh. a not-so-subtle hint there.... :P actually....a 48-hour train ride (Beijing to Lhasa) doesn't sound that appealing though! but that's if you do a non-stop thing. there's a lot of controversy about the railway in the papers, one fear being that easier access might dilute the unique Tibetan culture... though i have no idea how "culturally intact" Tibet is right now, i certainly hope that it wun be too 'culturally diluted' as feared, in the years to come...

touring is such a dilemma sometimes- i quite dislike over-touristy places; yet sometimes only when a place becomes touristy is it easier for ppl to visit... :( and perhaps i'm being hypocritical -- i too contribute to the touristification of these places...

Clarke Quay at night

managed to capture this while walking along the river yesterday night... too bad hands were still a little shaky :P

resolve to break out of vicious cycle of going to the same eating places all the time brought me to the newly renovated (perhaps by my standards, since the last time i went there was prob few years ago) hawker center at East Coast Park... and a delicious (but oil-drenched) spread of satay, sambal sting ray, roti john, fried hokkien mee etc. (things i haven't had for ages!) left me extremely satisfied with dinner. though couldn't help feeling worried that a single meal probably just wrecked my plans to keep trim and fit :P maybe... and hopefully.... work will stress me out and whet my appetite in 2 weeks' time!

recent events have also made me somehow very aware that change takes time, and serious action. and commitment. it might be a silly and duh thing to say, but i dunno, i feel like i always yearn (sometimes unrealistically) for these desired outcomes/perfect scenarios without devising practical steps to bring myself closer to these lofty goals...

was clearing away another pile of old cards/notes and noticed two most common things that ppl said to me- 1) that i was 'nice' and 2) that i had 'nice' handwriting; and a few even apologized to me for writing messily in the greeting cards! (i was very amused but a little upset). these made me think about what i used to be like-- for one, it was quite true that i had EXTREMELY neat handwriting back then. sometimes when i look back at my secondary sch notes i wonder how i managed to produce those almost evenly-spaced, font-like characters... my handwriting is nowhere near that kinda 'perfect neatness'; but somehow i quite like it the way it is now :) as for the 'niceness' bit... i wonder if a shy, smiley, quiet and agreeable me gave ppl the impression that i was 'nice'... because a lot of these friends i really didn't know that well! and talking about being shy, one letter my primary sch friend wrote me made me a little horrified, but highly inquisitive as to what happened back then. apparently, she wrote something like "i noticed that you were shy and uninterested at my birthday party. i would like an explanation from you" (in my head, i was thinking and laughing to myself... what on earth did i do! :P) regretfully, some of these interesting people you want to contact, you have no idea where/what they are doing right now... on hindsight, (and after reading through some old pieces of lil notes) there are also some individuals you wished you got to know better. clearing old stuff might be REALLY tedious, but it does bring back some good old memories... :) and i hope that maybe ten years from now, when i pull out some old emails (ah... times have changed) to read, i will find that people dun just remember me for being just another quiet girl... for that to happen, i have a long way to go! but a goal worth working for :)

"dessert overload"

shared the above espresso chocolate cake, a delicious brownie with friends at Far East Square; and had a generous free scoop of gelato (milk tea flavor!) at just-opened Japanese Gelato place Haato at Wheelock place, all in one afternoon! help! btw, it appears that gelato places can be found in every other corner in town now. a day out zipping in and out of food courts also alerted me to the tissue-choping phenomenon that i somehow never noticed previously...

shoe-hunting has officially begun for me, though i've had little luck the past few days. things that catch my eye also happen to be highly unsuitable, since they are potentially life-threatening for a sneakers-wearer like me. perhaps will have to wait till i become a more seasoned high-heels 'wearer' before attempting those treacherously high heels... alas! why are prettier designs also more unwearable/uncomfortable?! sigh. perhaps should also pity feet and take into consideration pain and potential damage high heels can do to poor feet.

soft shell crab trivia (you probably didn't want to know)

if you're ignorant like me, you probably thought the soft-shell crab was some special species that happened to have soft shells :P well, now that i think about it... it's kinda illogical if shells were meant to be protective huh... and if such crabs really did exist they prob would have been such easy preys that we wun even see them today? and so after i wikipediaed for soft shell crab 15 min ago after an interesting soft shell crab meal this afternoon, i realized that they are crabs that get cooked in the vulnerable few days after they molt their hard shells and before a new one is rebuilt! was rather dismayed upon discovering that's how they came about... sigh, i have to admit that i really like soft shell crabs... but now i'll feel guilty whenever i feel a craving and order some... i'll always be reminded of the devious tactics we humans can resort to in creating delicacies :( some things you rather you didn't know..... oh, and why i wikipediaed soft shell crabs today was cos being adventurous, i ordered a soft shell crab burger at this cafe in Changi today... and i was literally served a deep-fried-bread-crusted soft shell crab in a burger... (novelty soon disappeared; as soon as i realized that there are things in the main body i can eat, since shell is soft, but which i probably WUN want to) i dunno, i'm so used to seeing a 'disembodied' (i mean without the main body+shell) soft shell crabs in sushi that i forget these are full-bodied creatures, too. same goes for many things we eat, actually.

another 5.30 am entry ;P

rather expectedly, with my moving home after a long 4 years comes some sibling tension...particularly when decision made when you were 10 yrs old to share your personal space continues to dictate the way you're going to live (pretty much) for the next few years, at least... ah. reminds me of my econ 115's path dependency... haha. not that it's a big problem at all, but somehow after having a room to yourself for 3 years makes sharing seem rather deprived :P plus sis is suddenly robbed of having 2 beds and the whole wardrobe to herself... i guess i would feel a little :( if i were her too. and certainly doesn't help that old cupboards/wardrobes and desks are an unfortunate legacy of stupid decisions to hav furniture 'fixated' permanently to the wall! which reduces space management flexibility to nought... but best is still to make do with whatever you have. :)

also rediscovered my 10-yr-old/15-yr-old etc selves when FINALLY clearing out some old stationery/used-to-be-treasures collectibles such as keychains, erasers, bookmarks and such. it was both sad and revealing that i retained little affinity for many things that i used to do! plus all the friendship bands and little funny crafty thingies that i used to make... while on one hand i certainly felt more 'grown-up' but on the other, i wondered if i had turned into this unfeeling creature with little appreciation for cute little pleasures like these... but i figured i perhaps show my appreciation for my friends in different ways now. another sad thing was how i discovered pieces of Chinese creative writing i used to do in RGS... and feeling that my Chinese could never ever return to that kinda level... hai. i guess you gain some and lose some...

it's a pretty unearthly 7am in Singapore now and i have been up for about 2 hours, having yet to adjust to proper sleeping hours here :) visited favorite family hangout place (Tampines Mall...) to activate cell phone and was greeted by ever-teeming-with-life (and FOOD!) basement... with a record number of food places! maximum utlization of space it seems. hmm.

anyway, before work life starts to lock me into some kinda monotonous/busy 8.30-6.30? work schedule, i have decided in the past 2 hours or so to embark on a number of new 'projects' to make sure that i don't lapse into a boring/un-enriching life here :P so... if i actually get down to doing them, i shall 1) attempt to learn how to drive a manual-right-seat-driver car (haha sorry my English is too pok to come up with the proper term) 2) exercise! found quite a few STEP classes online and shall call to ask about them in the next week or so, hopefully 3) explore more food places/learn more about my own country-- have 2 motivations for this! to make sure that i will be an adequate tour guide when my few but dear American friends do come to visit me... hehe and perhaps break out of a my-life-mainly-revolves-around-the-Eastern-part-of-island cycle that has pretty much characterized past 19-22 years of residence... i am also hoping that my job will bring me to diff HDB estates all over the island... :) so that's 3 relative big plans i have for time being in the year ahead... hope they get done!