have been feeling somewhat down the past few days for no good reason... despite efforts to be positive, i suppose i get a relapse once in a blue moon (maybe a lil more frequently lah). and somehow dun hav appetite for dinner. and little things at work and in life in general get blown up out of proportions when i'm feeling :( however i find that it helps to do brainless numbing things cos when one's upset trying to concentrate just makes things worse.

for some strange reason, i have been addicted to Music to Watch Girls By by Andy Williams ever since i heard it in That CD Shop last weekend... think it was some ad jingle some time back but had no idea what the title was then. wo lao3 le...? but it's a cool song.

work can be quite stifling sometimes... of course there are 'rules' too when you study, but there's a lot more freedom to 'swim' around within the boundaries set for you... whereas for work, feel like it's less so. like you have to use rather strange language to get clearance from boss; everything's kinda interconnected and so one mistake can result in unintended 'turbulence' elsewhere; even when doing up powerpoint slides ppl advise you to do things a certain way (i really appreciate that colleagues are kind, but dislike how individuality somewhat suffers... but i mean i suppose i understand how sometimes standardization is necessary for organization and clarity/consistency) let's hope certain little uncomfortable things dun get to me too much and too soon.

today i finally asked a colleague what the acronym MSCP stands for (keeps reminding me of MCP- male chauvinist pig) and felt extremely silly when she told me... Multi Storey Car Park! but hey... it should be MCP instead since it's more correct to say Multi-storey Car Park... or Multi-storey Carpark (MC).... no? but whatever lah, just being boliao ;P

i just finished Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time this past week :) it was certainly an enjoyable and refreshing read. i also liked how the author managed to weave in the bit about how difficult it can be for parents to take care of an autistic child. how much patience and love it takes... and it did remind me of some of the things the staff used to tell us at CHAI.... i'm newly inspired to read up more on Autism for fun. one thing that bothers me a lot is how autistic people don't really naturally acquire social skills... like they find it extremely hard to interpret social behavior/cues... even perfectly able human beings find it difficult to figure out what others are thinking sometimes, so i can imagine how frustrating it must be for them! :(
nonetheless, some parts are really quite innocently funny. like...

29. I find people confusing.
This is for two main reasons.
The first main reason is that people do a lot of talking without using any words. Siobhan says that if you raise one eye-brow it can mean lots of different things. It can mean "I want to do sex with you" and it can also mean "I think that what you just said was very stupid."

Siobhan also says that if you close your mouth and breathe out loudly through your nose, it can mean that you are relaxed, or that you are bored, or that you are angry, and it all depends on how much air comes out of your nose and how fast and what shape your mouth is when you do it and how you are sitting and what you said just before and hundreds of other things which are too complicated to work out in a few seconds......

anyway, me thinks that it makes for some good light reading for ppl who want to gain some insight into an autistic mind :)

PS: if you want your smile to be among those greeting international delegates arriving in Sept (for the IMF/WB annual meetings), find out more HERE. can win prize some more leh, if you upload by 2nd Aug! ;P

am finally starting to recover from cough, but progress is excrutiatingly slow... and soon i will be unable to resist the temptation of snacks and succumb to cookies and rubbishy stuff... i suppose only consoling thing about not snacking is illusion that abstaining from snacks has a tummy-flattening effect ;P yest took an unprecedented initiative to ask boss if he minded sharing some of his own experiences as a HDB scholar... which led to lunch today and a pretty easy conversation... perhaps it's cos boss is young and not going to be boss in a month's time or so that i feel like i can talk to him just like a friend... he did dispense some good advice, and though i cannot really tell for sure yet, he does feel like someone i can really look up to and emulate... in terms of work attitude and how he treats ppl. in meantime, will try hard to keep positive attitude and not get too worried over other ppl's expectations... i suppose what's most impt at the end of the day is that i put in my very best.

life is fine, except that i'm suffering from the most irritating cough. i've never had terrible coughing fits like the ones i've been having the past few days...something just triggers the cough, then i 'erupt' into this violent coughing fit for 2 or 3 minutes... sometimes finding it even difficult to take in a few deep breaths to bring coughing situation under control.... i have no idea why this is happening to me... and neither the cough medicine nor the a-lozenge-an-hour 'act' seem to be helping... i dun even have a sore throat (the kind usually arising from an infection)... but throat is getting sore from coughing too much. help! what's happening to me! :( am i being punished for taking in too much fried and heaty food some 1.5 weeks ago??

ever since i got back from the US, i have been trying to refrain from getting hooked to any drama serial on TV... cos it would veer me away from this self-improvement drive i believe i ought to be on... ie. do more constructive things like read newspapers/books (haha yeah, am boring and nerdy) but alas!! i have fallen prey to one particular HK drama serial that is currently showing on Channel 8: Xi1 guan1 da4 shao4, 7pm M-F.... the irritating thing is i never get to enjoy the episodes entirely, since the long journey home from work usually means that i end up at home around 7.10pm or so even if i try to leave work punctually at 6pm... i guess i could make my family tape it, but then also means that i'll have to eat into time for other things on weekdays.... so i just watch the show in bits and pieces... wonder if this show was done a long time ago though cos Julian Cheung looks very young... and if i'm not mistaken, he's no longer a young 'chap' in real life?

was struck with a sore throat two days ago and am now suffering from a most irritating and itchy dry cough :( and will soon get a splitting headache if dad doesn't stop nagging at me to go see a doctor :P but prob will hav to tmr.... :(

pace is starting to pick up at work; though i can still pack up and go quite promptly at 6pm everyday... i guess i'm trying to do so while i can... sadly waking up so early in the morning everyday is still quite a pain, and plans to read a book on the MRT haven't been too successful. i can feel the fatigue setting in even though i haven't exactly been working hard at all and it beats me how ppl can work >10 hr days. perhaps the answer is you'll do it when you HAVE to... and perhaps i'll gradually get used to it. there's so much to learn and figure out! i'm excited also because i'm finally going to witness how ppl/organizations really operate... and i wonder when i'll be able to start feeling more useful than troublesome :P

having been surrounded by many peers (esp since sec sch) born with silver spoons in their mouths, it would be a blatant lie if i never once experienced feelings of envy... i suppose it's natural to make superficial comparisons and ask, why XXX can have all these things without working for them while i can't?? backgrounds aside, i believe i've also questioned why XXX is so smart while i am not?? OR... why is XXX so lucky to get this this and that but not me?? and when one is feeling sore about what one doesn't have, he/she neglects everything else that he/she does have. while on bad days i might try to deny that my life is good, in general i have to admit that i am a very fortunate girl with a loving family, great friends, and a beneficiary of a "fortuitous" education at Berkeley... reflecting on experiences in the past year or so; drawing on various recent articles i've read on ppl who have succeeded in accomplishing their goals and learning from the actions pf ppl i know who have inspired me, i'm repeatedly reminded of how impt it is to WORK hard, stragetically, for the things that you want... while 'windfalls' do happen, if you really want something to happen, you have to keep working for/on it... such a simple fact but sometimes really hard to put into action.

today's the second time it struck me that something was 'amiss' in Singapore--when i needed a nice cafe to sit down and do some reading. there is a sore lack of places where you can sit down with a book and have some peace and quiet to yourself to do some afternoon reading... while there are cafes around, it's sometimes even difficult to secure a table... i suppose it being the weekend makes it a lot worse. i miss the Berkeley cafes... like Brewed Awakening... where ppl around you actually inspire you... haha. imagine having loads of ppl reading at 8am at a cafe... and i remb more than one occasion whereby i unintentionally "eavesdropped" on ppl's intellectual and cheem discussions... i suppose the best alternative is to hide at home, but home's ultimately not the best place to be if i want some peace and quiet to myself :P sometimes i really wished i could make half the Singaporean population disappear... hehe being evil.

day 2 of tagging along with colleagues to see how they explain to respective residents compensations they are entitled to etc etc... and got to do a couple under supervision of experienced colleague! i'm RATHER lousy :( have to learn to think on feet, practise bilingual capabilities and perhaps learn to be more proficient in dialect! (though i'll prob be too embarrassed to speak in broken Hokkien) wun be doing such things that frequently though. haha and uttered first sentence in teochew in a very long time. i said something like i am Teochew but i don't really know how to speak teochew (in weirdly-accented teochew), while feeling a little guilty and useless... ha. i hope to become a good 'explainer' in future. seriously, all these calculations, regulations, rules and conditions are so confusing! if i were an old illiterate lady i'll be downright lost... while generally standard of living is rising; technology improving... yet somehow feel like lives are also getting more complicated by the day.

though most of my new colleagues are young mothers/newly-weds and so there is a tiny age gap... for once i feel young! haha. and INEXPERIENCED, of course. but as a former scholar who worked in the unit told me, "the aunties will take care of you".... they are far from aunties, in my opinion! some of them look so young i couldn't believe them when they told me they were married with kids! i on the other hand, despite being a decade younger than some of them, probably didn't look THAT much younger.... :P
it also appears that many of them have been working at HDB for quite some time.... and were happy with their jobs. it's certainly comforting for a newbie to be told that :) of course, i will slowly find out why.

first day of work was expectedly pretty uneventful, but at least everything went smoothly. HDB hardly gets new faces and so i couldn't help but feel extremely new and inexperienced :P tmr however seems to be a day to look forward to-- i start work at around 1 something in the afternoon... and day ends at 930pm! will tag along with colleagues visiting residents eligible for SERS (Selective En bloc Redevelopment Scheme) and good thing is... i actually get to go out in jeans and sneakers! :P

numbers...

3 namecards received at mini Berk gathering on Friday.
4 unexpected sightings of old sec/jc frens at NUS commencement today.
11 hrs or so to first 'official meeting' with sis's bf.
12 hrs to sis's commencement.
1.5 days to starting work! (kinda look forward to it... but sometimes wonder if bumming in bliss is better state to be in? guess i'll find out...)

The good old pavilion

if a tourist only visits the Botanical Gardens while in Singapore, he/she might actually be misleaded into thinking that Singapore had a Caucasian population of around 30-40%... least from what i saw today. i suppose that's also largely due to the location of the gardens... it's been ages since i last visited, but it's really a pretty pleasant place to jog, take nice long walks or walk your dog :P

much as i feel that i am fine with doing everything alone, little sweet gestures and little incidents also remind me that one's experiences also become less memorable and meaningful if one does not have close ones with whom he/she can share both joys and woes.

another rail-related entry... but this time it's the LRT :P

though i risk sounding like a super suaku Singaporean, but today marks my inaugural ride on the LRT! haha, well yeah, it's nothing as spectacular as the railway that has been grabbing headlines everywhere of late, but still a small wonder on its own. least it gave me a very pleasant short ride today... it seems like a very efficient and versatile of transporting ppl 'deeper' into HDB estates. reminded me a little of the MUNI actually, with its upward/downward sloping tracks at certain points. of course, i am totally unaware of possible cost/schedule issues that regular commuters might have been/be concerned about.... :)

and so the world's highest Qinghai-Tibet railway opens today (Sat). i think CCTV has been covering the 'historic event' rather extensively.... this morning while dad was watching special mini documentary of railway... i stopped in front of the TV and casually remarked that i wanted to go, only to be instantly, mildly 'rebuked' for wanting to travel everywhere (it has actually been one of my frivolous fantasy destinations for a while... you know, places you dream about visiting some day but don't know if you ever will) THEN, at night, Dad was watching coverage on the railway again. this time round, he encouraged me to watch the program and told me that "the scenery on TV was breathtaking, even better and clearer than if you were to go on your own".... sigh. a not-so-subtle hint there.... :P actually....a 48-hour train ride (Beijing to Lhasa) doesn't sound that appealing though! but that's if you do a non-stop thing. there's a lot of controversy about the railway in the papers, one fear being that easier access might dilute the unique Tibetan culture... though i have no idea how "culturally intact" Tibet is right now, i certainly hope that it wun be too 'culturally diluted' as feared, in the years to come...

touring is such a dilemma sometimes- i quite dislike over-touristy places; yet sometimes only when a place becomes touristy is it easier for ppl to visit... :( and perhaps i'm being hypocritical -- i too contribute to the touristification of these places...

Clarke Quay at night

managed to capture this while walking along the river yesterday night... too bad hands were still a little shaky :P