despite being in a new foreign place, i feel really loved.... for many reasons. everyone's sweet gestures really made my day... woke up this morning to be greeted by a whole table of tiny chocolate cupcakes with candles on them, baked by roommate and suitemate... had dinner with a visiting friend and had the best food i've ever had in the past month; fresh and aesthetically pleasing sushi at this sushi place at Dupont Circle, and yummy italian dessert at Al Tiramisu
an unexpected birthday greeting from a p sch fren, a birthday 'voucher' from sg fren, cards, icq messages and phone calls... just want to say a big 'thank you' to my dear friends, cos i really really appreciate it. =) yes, and i realized that good things come in small packages!
yes, and so i turn 22 today. it actually feels like a transition into adulthood now, more so than last year. perhaps it's cos i matured a lot over the past year? ok i guess i am still dense, still blur, still insensitive and overly emotional at times, but i think i have at least grown up quite a bit and i'm not what i used to be... of course certain traits can never be 'erased' totally. but ya, i hope i'll continue to mature into a 'good person' and make the best of my semester in dc. =)

22 cupcakes, hugs and kisses for a 22-yr-old girl  

free birthday ice cream in the cutest pan ever! 

there was an erratum in my blog entry yesterday. haha i talk as if i published a news article. anyway, the erratum was in my peasant figures; while translating today i found out the tax burden wasn't 6 times but 4, but then i also found out that that's given that an urban dweller earns on average 4 times as much as a peasant. even worse now huh. ok not that i thought anyone frequenting this blog would really care about that figure, but just wanted to correct it. i learnt today that one 'yi4' is actually 100 million. so silly; i've always heard it on tv, radio etc but i never really thought about its actual quantity. ashamed of myself. it's interesting though how the Chinese and the English have different 'conceptions' of quantity. ok i dunno how to put it. but ya.
it snowed all day today and it's still snowing. so am cooped up at home, as usual =P and at home, tensions run high... and the dense me, as usual, didn't really sense what was going on exactly and then ended up upsetting ppl a little... but nothing serious, I'll just keep these things in mind and hopefully i'll recognize and do the right things at the right times. i'm baffled though that even when ppl are assertive usually, they choose not to address issues upfront and complain to other ppl instead. seems like such things happen everywhere pretty often.....

today i was very drawn into the book i'm supposed to translate because I started reading a chapter examining why despite the central govt's 'decrees' to reduce peasants' tax burdens, numerous peasants are still overburdened... I was horrified by how corrupt the local governments can be, how heartless officials can get, the kinds of ridiculous taxes they invent to extort money from the peasants... and according to the book, the tax burden of peasants in some villages in Anhui can be as bad as six times that of an urban dweller.... as an 'outside audience', we witness numerous instances of how developed Beijing is getting, how more and more Chinese can afford luxury goods, but perhaps that's like 30% of the population... many many ppl in the rural areas are still extremely poor and i don't think there has been sufficient attention given to these problems. i feel more inspired to do research on this now. it would be cool to play a tiny role in raising awareness. or finding out how what ppl are actually doing to help. =)
trooped down to the food court today to get Chinese food and while sitting there having lunch, to my horror, i saw three persons consecutively emptying whole packets of soy sauce into their fried rice. just seems like a really weird thing to do to your fried rice. hmm i know i should not generalize, but is this the way many Americans eat their Chinese food? I've never really bothered to observe...

i think i've grown AS and have stopped trying to hav lunch in the lunchroom and instead will alwyas sit by the sofas and eat my sandwich and try to read soemthing to look occupied when in fact it's just to prevent awkwardness with ppl u kinda know but dunno what to say to. pathetic me huh. there are rare occasions when i get to talk comfortably with ppl, but I just find it a little discouraging how most ppl aren't that keen to really befriend you. guess circumstances are such that we're all just interns happening to be working on various projects in the intern room.
also tried very hard to come up wiht a research statement today, thinking hard about what i really want to write about but i have a disappointing research statement that done'st look very interesting and i wonder if it's feasible. but nmind, will try to refine it in the days to come =)
and strangely i was offered a second chance to buy my Naruto dvds and i did... =) i hope the quality is decent...

Site makeover!
i tried... but of course, the new look didnt turn out the way i wanted... the tag board has two funny black lines that i can't rid of. i dun like the font of my title but i dunno how to change it... and my lovely quote says 'About'... aargh. shall figure out slowly. one day.
went to the Pentagon City mall today; it's only about 4 metro stations away and has all the big chain stores (again!) somehow US malls are rather predictable... even on the East Coast, you see the same retail stores... well u see some new stores, but it then turns out that they are East Coast chains... why are there so few independent stores?
i finally experienced for myself the addictive power of Naruto. watched 4 episodes today and then left with one for an entire lifetime (for now) since the bidder who was supposed to sell me 117 episodes got his account suspended. =( and the jingle at the end of episode has started to ring in my head... cannot believe that i actually getting hooked to anime and crazy ninja stunts haha. instead of doing work.

i finally succumbed to my cravings and bought a pint of mango-flavored haagen daaz ice cream yesterday cos it was on sale, after abstaining from supermart ice-cream for a month... cos i knew once i had it in my fridge i would finish it... and i guess i was right. i finished 1/3 of it after dinner at one go... =( ravioli with portabello mushrooms and cheese filling was on sale at safeway yesterday too and so i bought a packet... hav been having home-made pasta at least once a week nowadays... strange how pasta is part of my staple diet these days...
am feeling a little upset now cos my roommate before going to sleep decided to ask me what the names of her sis, mum and dad were and what was her address and i coudlnt' remb what her sis's name was and neither could i remb her neighborhood even though she had told me some point in time in the past month.... and then upon hearing that i couldn't answer just went silent and went to sleep. leaving me with a feeling of unease on whether she was offended or just wanted to make me feel bad or just asked me for fun? sigh. i wonder if it reflects that i dun really care? i get the sense that she tries to impress upon me how i treat her more as a companion than as a friend and i don't think i do, but i wonder if i subconciously do. and if i do, i don't know why. and if i do, i really don't mean to...i wonder if she doesn't really like how i offer less information about myself... but it's just the way i am i suppose and i find it really difficult to be significantly more enthu towards just one person just because i feel that he/she isn't comfortable with me being the way i am... yet not doing anything about it is a sign of indifference/bo-chapness towards our friendship? sigh... this is not a very nice feeling.

it was freeeezing yesterday =( did a touristy thingy today, went to Richmond and Fredericksburg in Virginia with a tour bus... our center organizes these tours for us on Saturdays sometimes, but of course have to pay... and it was one of the worst things i have done here so far haha. cos firstly had to wake up at 7am... then had a whole morning of 'history lessons' on the Civil War, which wasn't exactly very appealing when u are sleepy and starving.. haha we only had lunch at like 3pm... i guess it was partly my fault cos was rushing a tiny paper yest night so slept at 2am, then i was dozing off when the tour guide was going on and on about diff statues along this Monument Ave and my roommate and i were just like when are we going to get lunch?! haha. though i knew it was going to be a 'historic tour' it was less interesting than i thought it would be...
felt slightly accomplished that i tried speaking up in class yesterday when we had a mini debate in class.... but then i was very nervous and was rattling off like a train i doubt anyone really heard what i said. haha a bit wasted. but then felt like it's a small step forward and i hope to try to continue, since if i cannot even contribute in a tiny class of 25, when will i get a chance to? am also excited to work with our program director, cos its about the only chance i'll get to work more closely with a professor at Berkeley, (though technically in DC).... hope i can write a decent research paper in the next 2.5 months or so!

my eyes kinda hurt sometimes from reading stuff or staring at the comp all day. on some days i feel like my life is really monotonous cos all i have to do is read stuff and try to translate them and summarize them. well, i guess my language skills are benefiting... but sometimes i do wish i had an internship with more interaction. where i can follow ppl around to see what they do. but this is good too lah, cos my flexible schedule allows me to do pretty much what i want whenever i want. as long as i get my job done. and so i have been surfing a lot on the internet too.... =P
have been looking at ppl's blogs... cos was reading this chinese political blog. and then came across this interesting one - plum blossoms i like the pic of the plum blossoms... and he had interesting comments on valentine's day haha. there are actually many many individuals out there who blog regularly, who read so much, who know so much. i'm impressed.
finished watching my first 5 episodes of naruto and i have another 5 to go. but am just debating over whether i should get the dvd for 117 episodes going on Ebay for C$12, excluding shipping, cos downloading takes so long. it's a pretty good price really. esp if the quality is good. but then am trying to save money so maybe i wun. i will be the 'brokest' this sem. am angry how it's so cold today and will likely be cold the next few days; i hav to take metro cos the cold wind just makes walking in the streets really unbearable...

just finished my response paper which was on circumstances which can serve as catalyst to electoral reform... aaargh. dunno what to write so had a whole hypothetical argument... oh well. dun care. i finally finished it and i just sent it. =P
tou lan today and went off work early and went to the Georgetown library to look for books that can potentially be useful for my own research. have to come up with some statement by next week and i have no idea what i want to work on. i have these really vague ideas and that's about it. so i borrowed this good reference book on international aid and another book on NGOs and rural poverty alleviation. well. hope they wun be just sitting on the floor collecting dust the next few weeks.... quite happy i figured out how to get to Georgetown... there's a free shuttle so quite happy. went to a dentist here for the first time on Monday cos my wisdom tooth was a little achey and it got me all paranoid. and the slow me realized that Metlife subsidizes 100% of ur normal visits (max 2) and technically we can go for 2 free check-ups per year! quite funny, after my checkup i got a 'goodie' bag with a free toothbush, tiny tube of toothpaste and like some dental floss. and i dun need to extract my teeth for the time being, unless it really bothers me... phew. was having horrifying thoughts of having to go for surgery and then starving for days after, with swollen mouth etc....
anyone wants to do com service in rural village in China with me? but then again, according to the contact person, u only get 'towel baths' and i am actually rather grossed up imagining how bad i would smell if i dun bathe for 2 weeks.... maybe i will chicken out and decide not to do it in the end....

baked cookies for Valentine's day just now to eat =P Happy Valentine's to all my dear friends, but sorry u can only imagine eating my virtual cookies. but no regrets whatsoever i'm sure, since i cheated and used instant mix =P 

My first drinking experience
it all started with one of the ppl in our program having a party for her birthday in her suite yest night. my apartment mates decided not to be rude so we went down to wish her happy birthday and ppl were drinking and all and i decided to try some funny vodka coke thingy. but left like 10 min after cos was feeling uncomfortable. my roommate happened to have ingested 2 shots and decided to go for more and since i have never drunk anything before i thought just try... but have to clarify, neither of us are into drinking. but so we headed for the bar across the street and ordered drinks. i ordered some lemon drop margarita which tasted pretty nice actually, and had a pretty sugar rim on the glass, which i thought was very cool. but after finishing it i felt somewhat normal still and so asked what effect it was supposed to have on me. i was just very curious cos i didn't feel anything significantly different other than that my heart was beating faster.... then ended up sharing a second one, some orange flavored grey goose vodka which didn't taste very nice but i think cos it was more alcoholic... and i think i was sipping very fast, experimenting on myself.. then i think i felt a little nauseous and that senses weren't very 'sharp' and ended up puking in the bathroom... and so i got an inkling of what it might be like to get drunk... at a somewhat unpleasant price. and so this concludes my first episode of drinking.... somewhat silly huh , but at least i can say i've 'been there, done that' to myself and at least i know that it's definitely not something i'll like to do... and at least now i understand why it might be dangerous to be drunk... ok. finding excuses to exonerate myself.

Arlington Cemetery... 

having gotten sick of museum-hopping and for lack of better places close enough to go to, my roommate and i went to the dc zoo today haha. which wasn't very impressive; there are very few animals and half the place looks like it's under construction.. but it's free so i guess i cannot complain. but learnt interesting facts about certain creatures. watched otters swim and do back flips in the water and that was cool. i like how gracefully they swim in the water... but somehow it also made me wonder what it's like to live like an animal, when u are mainly occupied by eating, sleeping, moving around and perhaps mating?
then went to the Arlington Cemetery, where many of the nation's war heroes are buried... John F Kennedy's grave is there too... i've never been to a cemetery with so many tombstones before... strange as it sounds, the rows and rows of tombstones are actually very pretty... and neatly arranged, following the terrain of the ground...

i find it scary how everyone seems fine with one another on the surface but can be totally pissed with certain ppl deep down... the scary part is that you can't tell. it's scary how certain people can get so good at it... and i'm not good at telling... but it's also interesting how ppl u thought were best friends totally cannot stand each other... just listening to some ppl bitch about some ppl in the program just reminded me once again how fake we all can be...
today i felt an urge to volunteer in some village in rural China for a month or so, to understand how these ppl live... do com service and learn. but i wonder if the need-to-blog everyday, will-die-without-hot-shower-water me is up to it... i think sometimes i really need to remind myself how fortunate i actually am. i feel like I am always complaining about trivial things that bother me... tsk tsk.

i feel schizo again. suddenly feel very depressed and xian for no reason today. actually i suspect i know the reason but just feels eeky. i think when u are in ur little world with no one to compare to or no one to upset your 'equilibrium' you can get on forever feeling fine. and so in class today i felt really upset with nothing to contribute to the class discussion and the fact that the class only had like 12 ppl or so exacerbated it. and wrote a not so good paper for class today. and have another response paper due tmr morning. dunno what to write. feel like i can't write well enough. cannot analyse things properly. am getting paranoid that i have no topic for my research paper... thinking about old problems... imagining new probs...

i think i have gotten into a habit of blogging so frequently that it just feels weird if i dun pen down my thoughts when i have things i want to say. i wanted to wish everyone who frequents this blog a Happy Chinese New Year. and to a particulr individual who has been taunting me with insensitive questions of whether i was having steamboat for dinner, no i didn't have steamboat but had an enjoyable dinner... albeit at a totally non-Chinese restaurant... Cheesescake factory! haha. but it was one of the most pleasant dinners i have ever had since i came here, as well as one of the most 'international' ones, in that there was one Scottish girl, one German guy, two Americans, two HongKongers and one Singaporean girl...me! two Hong Kong girls staying across the hall just happened to ask if i wanted to have Chinese New Year dinner with them and their roommates and a few others and so i readily agreed, for i didn't really want to eat yucky food for new year's eve... and it turned out to be pretty fun and informative, for all these ppl were really nice and open.... quite unlike people in my own program, rather unfortunately, who aren't as friendly and are generally more cliquish. maybe for the first time in my life here, i truly felt how great it is to be able to meet ppl from everywhere when u study in the US.. doubt i would really get to know them that well and they would be leaving prob end March, but still glad to have hung out with them briefly for the evening... sadly at the expense of completing my mini paper due tmr. which i haven't done yet and ti's 118 am and i am veyr tired and i am going to sleep.... and i shall tou lan at work tmr to try to complete it.....

the weather has grown considerably warmer and so i walked to work today! and back too. and saved $2.70 on metro. takes about 25 min each way and allows me to exercise.. so why not? just that i think i will prob be too lazy on some days to walk home after a whole day of work. but i shall attempt to start a 'walking regime' if the weather permits. it's like the coldest berk weather now, but it feels warm... after freezing these past few weeks.. can save like $10 a week... $40 a month... $120 for the next 3 months! haha but knowing me i think i wun be so consistent...
am getting a sore throat cos have been stuffing myself with tortilla chips and have been attempting to finish my devil's food choc cake and hav been suffering from the twix syndrome. all of which culminated in a very bad throat. i will distance myself from these items hopefully in the next few days. record of the month: i only spent $3.50 for the whole of today, on lunch... =P

i started watching naruto.. downloaded like 5 episodes to entertain myself since on weekends i dun hav anywhere to go or anyone to really go out with. feel veyr happy to be re-associated with jap and glad that i still undrstand certain words but i have problem understanding without the eng subtitles though. sad. but will prob stop watching. takes ages to download one episode and i'm lazy. =P baked a cake for the first time this morning, but used a cake mix, so that's cheating... cos it's such convenient finger food, more than half the cake has disappeared.... went grocery shopping this morning and coincidentally bumped into a singaporean mum... i just heard someone saying a certain kind of asparagus is fresher in a Singaporean accent and upon slight probing found out that she was the mum of some guy studying in Georgetown. random. and made linguine with pasta sauce, button mushrooms, spinach and cherry tomatoes, after trying a similar dish in the Woodrow Wilson cafeteria. didn't turn out exactly the same, but somewhat like the original. i will be having that at least once again this week, since i couldn't hav cooked everything at one go. maybe that will be my sad new year's eve dinner on tues. =P

i had an oreo milkshake today! at Potbelly Sandwich Works, a reasonably-priced sandwich place near home. think it's the first time in a few weeks that i'm eating ice cream... a remarkable feat for me considering how i've always had ice cream in my fridge in Albany. but it's good. can save money and not get fat. unfortunately..... i bought a packet of Twix minis from Safeway cos it was on offer and i have eaten ten of them today...
haven't touched any work since Friday. have been eating tons of sandwiches over the past few days... wished i had D&A here. and an asian food fan, then can share and go to Penang. oh well. visited two more musuems today but they weren't as good. but was still amazed by the mineral collection at the natural history museum.... i can't help but marvel at the variety of minerals and the diff shapes, forms, colors..... and the beauty of it all is that it's natural beauty. my roommate and i are somewhat isolated from the rest of the ppl in the program... but we tried. just that the ppl dun really seem very receptive. oh well. at least i hav someone to do things with still... i just hope we wun get sick of each other from hanging out rather frequently =P

after tidying up my room a little (still lil messy) i decided to take a picture of it =P nothing fancy, but furniture and facilities are pretty new, so satisfactory lah.
writing a book seems like a very long and tedious process i wonder how all these authors do it. my prof has to go to her office everyday to work on whatever she has....and she has so much info, everywhere... it just seems impossible to even organize everything. she admits that sometimes when she reads what she has written last time, she is amazed that she actually managed to put such a book together. i think i'll never be able to do that, considering how i have problems writing even a 20 page paper haha. and i guess i'm not that brainy either. and to think that there are like so many scholars in the woodrow wilson center working on their respective books. lotsa brilliant brains out there.

my side of the room... erm... it's usually not this neat haha.  

visited the Library of Congress today to check out if there's any stuff relevant to my internship and research....it claims to be the largest library in the world... took 10 min to make a reader registration card which allows u to enter the reading rooms...it's free! once again very pleased by how this city is so research-friendly...books can't be borrowed out by the public though. the librarian at the Asian Reading room was nice and i discovered they hav two online databases on China, with up-to-date periodicals and stuff. wonder if i will end up using the resources there, but it's good to know what's out there =) then walked down Pennsylvania Ave to hunt for lunch and found this eatery with the new york style pay according to how heavy ur food is thingy. finally some place with cheap sushi. can eat there next time when i go to the library. though not that cheap also lah. DC has so many nice sandwich shops and coffee joints for working folks... if only i were richer =P
everyone is out at instructor's apartment watching state-of-the-union address but dunno why everyone is not home yet. feel blissful to have the whole apartment to myself haha... and fickle me decided not to drop my politics and ethics class after all.

feel a little left out that i can't celebrate the two birthdays in berkeley and am stuck here with a paper to write. on why there was such a high voter turnout in the 2004 elections and reason it out according to how the two authors we have read will assess this. sigh. i guess i can do something decent if i had the motivation but then i just dun really hav the motivation and am like being =( about it. bad attitude. after this, i shall go and write..... aiyah but i am fine lah. dun feel depressed or anything, just that it would hav been nice to hav been able to join in the birthday celebrations!
decided to drop my politics and ethics class today and i wanted to go under units but then realized it's a huge hassle. have to call up L and S and financial aid and tell scholarship ppl etc etc... sigh. so i'll probably switch to the otehr class, which is not that heavy-going. and hopefully that will be interesting... not that i am super busy, but like stuck with things i am not like highly interested in. i iwould rather devote all my time to doing work for my professor...

read about the slashing of the Chinese syllabus from P1 to Sec4.... that's sad. what would kids learn in future if this goes on. maybe they wun even be able to converse properly in Chinese anymore. well ok not that i can, but things seem to be going down the drain. and am somewhat disappointed by those parents they interviewed.... "so will the chapters that aren't going to be taught going to come out in exams"... sigh. quite sad. i guess i feel a little strongly cos i quite enjoy what i am reading. though it's dense and like kinda tiring to plough through, if i am in a good mood and eyes not tired, i really enjoy reading what i read. =) but am turning into a couch potato, sitting either at the computer or table all day doing translation or reading. and get quite tired when i get home. yet hav to do readings for my class. =( wish i didn't hav to take the elective class on wed nights.

was sorely disappointed with my dinner. went to daobao from malaysia kopitiam, expecting yummy authentic yellow and white hokkien mee... =( unfortunately it turned out to be some highly soya-saucy udon like noodles which tasted fine but not at all like the hokkien mee i wanted to eat. and paid $10 for it. =(
continued visiting some museums at the mall today. still like the holocaust one best. visited the air and space musuem, which was not that interesting. had a preview of the national gallery of art and the national archives. bought a really cool Monet magnet set from the museum shop. it has so much cool arty stuff but of course not very affordable. wanted to visit the natural history museum but there wasn't time. guess i'll go back next time. lost a glove. =( i wish it would stop snowing. and that the temperatures would go up. i'm rather sick of having to dress warmly every time i go out. i wish it were just above 0 degrees. then it would be at least more comfortably cold... and then my skin wouldn't get so dry and itch. a new york times article i read today had some tips from experts. apparently to prevent your skin from itching u can put oatmeal in your bath (which sounds gross) or baking soda (which sounds gross too) and alas! i don't have a bath, only a lousy shower that 'leaks' cos it only has a shower curtain...

nice reflections but not spectacular =P it's a little hard to imagine how the work that goes on inside this building impacts millions in the developing world huh....  

went out after class to explore my surroundings and discovered many sandwich places all around.. seems like washingtonians really like hanging out in these cool cafes.... unfortunately they aren't cheap though. also discovered the World Bank Infoshop yesterday online while at work... so i walked down to the store and it's amazing... the collection they hav there.. there are so many publications on development.... i was really excited looking at their selection, nerdy as it sounds. attempted to enter the world bank and IMF too but non-employees aren't allowed inside and security is really tight. so i'll hav to wait till april to do their monthly tour, to get a glimpse of what's inside....

i'm so schizo. today was much better than yesterday. or rather, i was just feeling more cheerful, so that's good. but it was an interesting day too. well had to ruch a response paper last night for my politics and ethics class yesterday night, which partially explains my bad mood i suppose. sat in a video screening "God Sleeps in Rwanda" during lunch hour and got to learn about the key roles women played in Rwanda in rebuilding a country ravaged by genocide. These women went through so much, but everyone's still emotionally strong and living with so much hope. puts me to shame really. i like how my center always has events, such as talks, book launches and stuff that i can go to. =) then i got to talk to my prof today and got to know a little more about her research.... i quite enjoy working for her and i hope i can really help her with her book. my translation thus far has been satisfactory and though i am not the fastest nor most accurate translator around, i guess i roughly fulfill her expectations, so that's good. and i am enjoying myself, learning about the ideas of this Chinese intellectual, Kang Xiaoguang. haha. that is quite random. and on the way back to my dorm room i met the black janitor who came to our room to clean up last week, whom my roommate very politely thanked. and so i said hi to him and to my surprise he was very pleased maybe and passed me this hiphop cd with 3 songs. haha. that was really random; i only regret how i dun really know how to appreciate hiphop...
and my roommate somehow pointed out that i was a little discriminatory, that i only liked to talk to my Singaporean frens online. hmm i was quite upset for a while, but i guess it was good that she was frank enough to tell me that... i guess i do things so subconsciously and i dun really know how ppl feel about me doing what i do, or what i don't do. but i'll try to talk more to her i guess and be more open and try to be more receptive towards new ppl i meet. in fact, it was actually a good reminder for me. why did i come here? did i come here to be sticky and AS just like i was in my own room or did i come here to accomplish something else and learn? i guess these are some things for me to think about. haha but i do miss my nice cosy full bed and comforter in my Albany room. and my nice toilet, and the good shower.

guess the initial excitement of being in a new place is wearing out and i'm beginning to think about what my next 15 or so weeks here will be like... nothing is bad at this moment but i'm just thinking i might get tired of having to read in the library everyday... or having to be around people you have to be cordial to consciously everytime.... i guess it will be kinda tiring. but oh well... i guess my worryey self has returned to haunt me today... and worried i will end up not writing a good research paper, that i will feel very lonely when everyone else is happening and i'm just hanging around at home... that i might get too clingey messaging ppl who come online to ask them how they are when they are going about their own lives... but i guess one good thing is that i have so much work that i cannot possibly spend a lot of time worrying. so that's good. if i can actually focus and concentrate on what i have to do that is....
well perhaps i can be consoled that i discovered two malaysian restaurants two blocks away from home on my way back from work today... i suppose i can treat myself to some yummy dishes when i'm feeling homesick =P

read about one chapter of my chinese book today in the Woodrow Wilson Library. bumped into my internship officer at the lunchroom and some other scholar from UK joined us and i was feeling all weird trying to fit into the conversation.... but it was fine i suppose. just a little intimidating how during lunch all the scholars working there go for lunch there and i'm like hmm... i'll just hide in one corner haha. but no lah didn't intentionally do that...set in a talk in the auditorium but got bored listening to them debating about republicans taking over congress... then went back to lib and finished up my chapter then went home. met two interns from Georgetown Uni in the intern room and they were pretty nice. hope i get to see them again =) and came home and did laundry.... and so ends my proper work day... lots of reading to do for my research seminar on friday... and the politics and ethics elective i chose to take... which is due on wed evening. but i havne't even collected the thick stack of notes yet. and hav to do a memo due on wed night... aargh. hope my eyesight doesnt worsen significantly by the end of the semester cos i foresee myself doing a lot of reading... in the library...
also tried to iron my shirts but i am quite bad at it. =( and bought starch to spray on the shirts, cos according to my roommate they make shirts 'crisper'... erm but they dun seem to work. and i feel grossed out how blotches of starch fall on my nice shirts and leave faint stains when i iron over them.... wun my shirts get starchier and starchier by the end of the semester?!

just came up after freezing for 10 min or so in pajamas under extreme cold after a false fire alarm... aaargh... after receiving news that it would snow today, my roommate and i went out so that we could experience the snow and take some nice pics. unfortunately the forgetful me forgot to charge my cam battery so didn't end up with many pics...
visited the D.C. Holocaust Memorial Museum this afternoon and it was a very educational but depressing experience. all the smithsonian museums in d.c. have free admission, so i might as well visit most of them during my stay here =) unfortunately the american art one will only be reopening in July 2006.
it is just so apalling how fellow members of the human race can be so cruel and cold-hearted. to use jews for medical expts... hitler carried out a clandestine operation to wipe out many disabled ppl, to 'purify' the Aryan race... it is so horrible to make ppl believe that they are going for a shower when in reality everyone is just going to be gassed. and it is chilling to imagine the extent of devastation and desperation the few ppl in power can create...
on the other hand, i'm heartened and thankful for those compassionate souls out there who went all out to help Jews escaping their fate. total strangers yet bound by a moral duty to rescue these innocent souls. i wonder, had i been faced with a similar situation, would i have had the courage to do such a thing?

a short excerpt from a postcard at the gift store, intended for a display showing a mountain of shoes left over by millions of Jews who perished during the Holocaust:

"We are the shoes, We are the last witnesses. We are shoes from grandchildren and grandfathers, from Prague, Paris and Amsterdam, And because we are only made of fabric and leather, And not of blood and flesh, Each one of us avoided the hellfire"
Moses Schulstein, Yiddish Poet

out in the snow in the vicinity of the National Mall... 

thought i wouldn't be able to get in today cos we were stuck in a human jam for at least an hour and a half before ppl started moving forward. there were loads of ppl today.... quite revealing how many of the ppl who attended were whites? having been here for a week... i dun think the racial makeup here in dc is that homogeneously white....
i still haven't gotten over the snow! today on the way home my roommate and i passed by a little park covered with fresh snow... and she xin xue lai chao and made a tiny snowman... and so we tried to take pictures. but i was careless and so the head dropped off. and when i picked it up it had a distorted head and somehow i coudn't shape it back... but it was fun... i want to make more snowmen =P but dun hav appropriate gear for it... i dunno why i am so drawn to snow even though i have seen snow before like at Tahoe.. maybe in the middle of a city with all the buildings and other structures, the natural beauty of snow just stands out more? and i love how snow kinda 'records' traces of everything... like i saw squirrel footprints. human footprints... fresh snow is just so pristine and beautiful.... =)

on my way to my designated standing area for inauguration.... 

SNOW!
and so it snowed today... on my way to work, when i got out of the Metro Station i saw tiny flakes and when the wind blew the snow was just like white sand.. very fine and light. and then when i came down for lunch i was pleasantly surprised cos the whole ground was covered with snow. snow on the roof. on the statues... on the benches. on the top parts of branches.... it was so beautiful. so i couldn't resist it. had to take a picture though when i went out snow was blowing in my face... i guess cos it's my first time experiencing snow.. like real snow... that time in japan was like almost no snow kindof... but when it was time to go home, the snow had stopped and the roads were covered with gross sludgy snow on the streets... good thing i wore boots else i would have gotten gross dirty snow on my pants =P then on my way home i saw snow on the trees and it was just so pretty and i couldn't resist again and took more pictures. though i must have been laughed at by passers-by for being so suaku and mad taking pictures of random things in the cold.... but i just felt for a moment that washington dc was like a giant 3d coloring book and then snow just filled up all the gaps....tiny crevices in buildings... everywhere imaginable... =)

the pretty 'aftermath' of the snow...

had an eventful but extremely cold day today. lips are cracking, ears are freezing off and vain me didn't want to put on ear muffs... but guess i will try to get a pair or something soon. else i will definitely freeze on thursday cos might have to stand for hours at the inauguration ceremony... tmr roads are goign to start getting closed off in preparation for the inauguration. i feel a little uneasy that every single day i never fail to hear police sirens when walking on the street...
went to the Woodrow Wilson Center today and it seems like a nice place to work at. but i dun get a designated workplace.. so prob will camp at lib most of time... met my prof too and she seems pretty nice and i got a few books on NGOs in Chinese! feel excited to start on them, yet totally inadequate to absorb its contents i believe. but will start slow. also visited Brookings Institution for a talk today... and felt veyr thrilled to be amongst so many intellectuals and like just soaking in the intellectual atmosphere was kinda exciting for me.. haha. i hope i will get to attend more lectures in future, cos my schedule is pretty flexible i think, so i can alwyas take time off to listen to talks at my own place as well as other places like Brookings... =)
also went to Georgetown Uni area to look... and they have so much shopping!!! they have H&M, Zara, Banana Republic, A&F, GAP, blah blah... but of course didn't stay long lah cos have to work tmr... but yay. preview. next time can go Zara and H&M... =P
also getting to know my roommate a little better and i find it amusing she has familiar traits... i guess we all know who goes to talks for free food?? well she has that kinda mentality too haha.

i finally understand how it can be totally torturous to be cold!!! it was SO cold today i think my nose practically froze... scarves are totally necessary and now i am really thankful i brought like at least 3 of them. i bet the wind was like around 0C today and it is really horrible. horrible horrible. so when we were walking from the Metro to the Capitol Building this morning and the wind just kept blewing and i felt like my lips were going to crack.. .i'm so lousy. then got laughed at by ppl who are used to East Coast weather. i thought Berkeley was cold... now i know... attending my orientation at the Woodrow Wilson center tmr morning... hope i get some really interesting stuff to do. =)

i walked past the World Bank, The White House and the Ronald Reagan Building yesterday before getting a free ride to Chinatown for dinner... all alone yet felt somewhat carefree. maybe it's cos nothing has started and i have nothing really to worry about yet. I think i will be working at the Ronald Reagan building and though it was closed yesterday, it seems like a pretty cool place. high security though.. there are security checkpoints at like every entrance... i was thinking of walking to work, to save money since every trip costs $1.35 and it isn't exactly that far... maybe 2 miles or so from my center?? but judging from how cold it is (for me!) i think i will prob freeze if i attempt to walk to work every morning. but i'll see how.
went grocery shopping with my roommate this morning and i was somehow re-acquainted with frozen foods, pasta and stuff again... ended up not buying much groceries and can't figure if i am going to cook or eat out. cos i really dun want to eat frozen food everyday. but which means i have to go and find a rice cooker. and like sauces. and all the cooking stuff... dilemma.
sat in, with shu, some mini RI re-union this afternoon, again at Chinatown. i guess it's quite impossible to not meet any Singaporean here... even though i didn't even mean to. After everyone left i managed to find a chinese supermart! haha i was secretly amazed how relieved i was to find a chinese supermarket. but unfortunately its standards are far from Ranch... they have hardly any fresh vegs or poultry and seafood and stuff... but at least they have most of the other stuff. dry stuff or whatever u call it. and when walking out of the supermart this old man suddenly came to talk to me cos i asked about an ATM machine and it so happened that he was from Malaysia.. what a small world. but somewhat interesting to have strangers wishing you well... haven't really met anyone esle on the program except my suitemates, who are pretty fine... guess i will at my residential and academic orientation later...

am sitting in the 3rd flr comp lab of the UC Washington Center, really sleepy after only 1 hr of sleep on the plane and another hour on my new bed and waiting to go out to explore a bit and look for lunch. can't use my own laptop till maybe monday till i get some network key. have no idea where everything is but i'm just going to go walk around, but i hesitate to even step out of this building cos it's just so so cold outside. when attempting to unload my luggage from the super shuttle van just now this cold gust of wind just blew straight in my face and i was like half shivering when i walked in.... but all seems to be good thus far! my apartment is really nice and clean and the kitchen, though small, is nice. i also got this tiny cool grey gadget called a sonitrol or something that gives me access into the building and the ability to use the elevators.... i had better STOP leaving my wallet, phone and keys behind everywhere cos there wun be anyone to 'pick up' after me or look out for me anymore...
am very happy though that shu and guoming decided last min to suddenly come visit me today!!! so i'll have some company for a few days... after which i'll be all on my own. but everything seems pretty exciting so far and i hope i will grow to really enjoy my stay here. =)

i find it amusing how i always end up having big 'farewell' parties. not that i don't appreciate what people are doing for me, but i just feel somewhat odd and paiseh. am finally 99% packed now; managed to squeeze everything into 2 bags but both are on the verge of exploding... in the end, i did not do any reading for my classes, nor much preparation for dc... dunno what i have been doing...sigh. the sense of directionless and leaving broken ends is coming back to me. maybe that's why i feel like i am not as keen as i should be? but it should be fun lah =)

i am finally almost done and have moved most of my stuff over to the kearney garage. i just wonder how i am going to move everything when i come back in summer... my walls are all bare now and even though i still hav a lot of luggage in the room the whole room just feels empty...
somehow over the past few days a few people have coincidentally shared with me how they have had very good memories with certain people under certain circumstances and even though they haven't exactly kept in touch with these friends, those moments of fun and joy were pure bliss... i suppose i should try to have such a mindset and then i'll be happier wherever i am and let things take their natural course?

these few days this song keeps ringing in my head....
" Cause it’s all in my head
I think about it over and over again......" well haha perhaps it sounds so me.

sometimes happy things make you sadder because they give you ephemeral moments of joy that you yearn for when u look back at some point in time in the future, when often circumstances have changed and things wun happen again.
was clearing up and i discovered my old burned cd and a nice song by Lighthouse Family titled "Run" =) esp like the intro part with the guitars and a jazzy saxophone feeling even though i dun think i know how to appreciate jazz.

have been going out so much that hardly any packing has been done! but i feel happy going out doing things here and enjoying the last few days in a place i have grown quite attached to over the past 2.5 years. and met jing and minglee at Stanford yesterday and it was nice just chatting the whole afternoon away and hanging out with 'old' frens... =) and good thing it didn't rain, which made driving a lot easier for me. i think craigs list is cool.... now my economist mags wun go to waste cos i think some ppl want them. and ppl have emailed me about my rugs! =) but then my books are unlikely to find new homes in the next few days. went to SF and got more stuff cos there were pretty good sales. I've decided that this shall be the last of my shopping here and i shall attempt to devote the next few days to really packing.... help. none of readings for next sem done at all.... i rediscovered the joy of understanding and reading Chinese today... in a way i am glad that I will be working for a prof specializing in China! i hope to immerse myself in chinese texts next sem and re-aquaint myself with his lovely language... i miss the days when i used to be able to write somewhat well in Chinese, with all those flowery cheng yus and phrases.... received a cute jigsaw puzzle note from my housemate =) it is really comforting sometimes, to know that you actually mean something to ppl around you, whether or not you are really deserving of that attention.

i have been trying to pack but not much progress thus far. i just somehow cannot organize which task to do first. what to pack into boxes. whether to throw away some things or not. whether to sell certain books or not. have to make all these many trivial decisions and it's getting me somewhat bothered. coupled with other things on my mind.... feelings that i have to sort out. pre-arrival readings to do. worrying about what to bring and what not. sometimes i really wish i weren't moving anywhere. but such inertia would get me nowhere and i think this program should do me good. sigh. why can't i be more shuang3 kuai4. forget easily and adapt easily. dun think so much about every single thing. but i just can't... in a way my room is like my life... there seems to be random things everywhere distracting me. and broken ends here and there. not much order. i dun seem to be able to really 'tie' everything together... i have goals in life, but i dun even know if i am really working towards them... like this lost girl in the middle of an ocean... trying to swim in all directions not knowing where the shore really is. and giving up quickly after each time and trying another direction. actually i will probably eventually drown cos i can't even swim half a lap in a normal swimming pool.

the cute green bear is watching silly shimin telling her not to cry cos shimin also doesn't know what she is upset over 

I received a really special gift from two dear friends- a ‘debut’ album with “ ba shou qiang li zhu da”, including solos and duets from the self-proclaimed ‘rarely sing for ppl’ laogong and the musically-inclined baking buddy. Haha. Now I have made them seem so surreal and out of this world. But ya, I am really touched. and thankful that I have such sweet friends. And I know that when I am feeling cold and lonely and upset in Washington D.C…. I can always pull out this special album and listen to the familiar voices, relive the happy moments we have shared together =) I guess I will actually miss a certain individual who intentionally keks me sometimes by making insensitive comments about my figure. And someone who almost always sides with me or pseudo-scolds me for shopping too much. Was also really touched by my aunt, who took the trouble to take bus all the way to the airport to send me off, who in her own way showed me much affection, who over the past week or two made yummy fruit cakes and Chinese new year cookies specially for me to savor… and just before I made my way towards the departure gates stuffed me two packets of preserved peach pulp for me to snack on on the airplane… though I dun exactly like preserved stuff, I’ll definitely finish both of them.. =)

i finally got down to developing some pictures taken last summer on my boston/canada trip a few days ago and realized that the lomo pics are actually pretty cool! perhaps i should go experiment with it again... =)
am going back tomorrow.... am quite pleased that i managed to meet up with almost every single person i wanted to meet up with. hope the new semester will be a good opportunity to move on, to enrich myself and grow more confident. haha but knowing me, i will probably be bothered and get stressed by new ppl, new tasks...

pic from my lomo camera!  

it was quite coincidental how while watching phantom of the opera, right after spooky things started happening in the opera house (in the show) there was suddenly a blackout in the movie theatre, leading ppl to shout "phantom" etc... and it turns out that there was a power failure. how unlucky... but the power returned after 10 min or so =) really love the songs even though i dind't enjoy the movie as much as i thought i would. i dunno. oh but i quite liked the masquerade scene where all the actors and actresses, despite being only clad in black and white, looked really spectacular together because of the qian bian wan hua designs of the costumes...the show made me really miss the phantom musical i watched in new york, though it is just but a faint memory now... but perhaps cos it was the first proper musical i caught and cos it was at Broadway... =P i hope i can go back to new york and catch more musicals during my stay at d.c. =)

was greeted by an unexpected visitor when i entered my grandma's place this afternoon.... a peach-faced lovebird named "Baby". it so turns out that someone gave my cousins this cute pet bird and they brought it to my grandma's place.... after some initial squeamishness i managed to get it to mount my jeans pocket.... after which it got kinda comfortable and started making its way up my t-shirt by clinging on to the folds of my t-shirt... and when Baby started moving up to my neck i started screaming and jumping cos it was really ticklish... (after the picture was taken) haha but felt like a kid for one whole afternoon, making cooing sounds to attract its attention. =) it was pretty tame though.

new year resolutions? dun really have anything in mind since i dun usually keep to them... but i suppose i will resolve to be less pessimistic and hu si luan xiang less, constantly remind myself to treat every single person i meet with respect, restrain myself from snacking too much, treasure every moment with my loved ones and make the best of my stay at Washington D.C..... and i hope for the many less fortunate souls in this world that no more disasters will hit them and worsen their already dismal living conditions..

Did i suddenly turn birdwoman?  

hmmm i can't help but think about the breadtalk bun.... i dun think you can help much by buying that bread leh....maybe ppl are getting cheated by breadtalk... i think save your money and use it for organizations that really give all the money to the victims.. well, unless of course, you actually want to eat that bun, then i guess it's a different story...

hmmm actually i better go and check out the little sign on the breadpan again.. later i got everything wrong and get sued by some random breadtalk person who visits my blog.... sadly, it's dangerous to talk rubbish on one's blog these days....

the death toll for the earthquake cum tsunami disaster has exceeded 120000... i feel touched and heartened that ppl everywhere are doing their little bit to help. eg. breadtalk has this 9.0 bun or something (though badly named i feel) which costs $2.30 and for every 9.0 bun bought, 90 cents is donated to the red cross or something. though they are still making money out of it!!! at least they are helping i suppose. hmm.. actually i wonder though (if ppl are all so re1 xin1 to help) whether the additional revenue from that bun actually exceeds the donations they hav to make such that overall they make profits?!! ok i shall not be so cynical. anyway, bbc has this article on international aid efforts and lists a host of organizations that ppl can make donations to! so i shall do my small bit and perhaps ppl who frequent my blog (though not many i suppose) feeling generous can do their small bit! Click here! (the internet links are on the RHS)

shopaholic me bought two pairs of shoes yest... but they were really good deals. $50 Sing for a pair of Skechers... feel bad shopping wiht my parents actually cos they just keep asking me to buy things if i like... actually borrowed a microsoft frontpage guide from the lib yest! haha wonder if i will hav the time to read it actually. cos i really feel tempted to do something to my blog.

a little incident two days ago made me feel that i am still a little insensitive sometimes.. but yest i felt that perhaps i am getting a little more rational... and less likely to jump to conclusions. and i suppose i should stop wishing for things that wun ever happen.

the most unglam thing just happened to me this evening.... was at the raffles city restroom and after i flushed, (luckily) my nice nokia hp conveniently slipped out of the side pocket of my gap hobo bag and fell right into the toilet bowl....despite the instinctive (though disgusting) retrieval of the phone right after its undeserving fate and despite immediate efforts to dry to whole phone with toilet tissue, it eventually still died on me after initial deceiving signs of 'revival'..... oh well. clumsy me... kinda upset cos i really liked that phone and it was really user and sms-friendly.... and upon returning home and reporting the unfortunate accident, it gave my mum more reason to reproach me since on this very same morning she just reminded me how my cell phone can drop out of my side pocket if i left it unbuttoned.....
oh well. i shall comfort myself that i managed to find a slip case for my widescreen laptop at funan today... that i met up wtih two groups of ppl and spent an evening with really good company... and that i have a spare phone to doodle around with and thus am not totally uncontactable... sigh. but upset with myself and feel sorry for my poor phone... =P

the unfortunate natural disaster that killed thousands of people in Asia on Sunday reminded me how vulnerable we are to 'random' acts of nature... a commentator on the straits times remarked that for a few moments, everyone, regardless of race, class and wealth, was equally vulnerable.. from rich tourists busking in the sun to the poor living in coastal villages of India and Sri Lanka...and that it was heartening that aid relief too came from many diff places around the world... i personally also felt the need to treasure every moment we have with our loved ones.. cos who can ever predict what can happen the next moment...

my mum has morphed into this chinese painting cum calligraphy expert and i just felt very happy for her that she can spend her free time doing all the drawing she wants.... and made me wonder, when i retire and grow old one day what would i do.... what if i am this old spinster with no kids, what do i devote my energy to...

exercised for the first time in dunno how long this morning! partly because i had slight jet lag and got up at like 530am and was doodling around house with no agenda... but feels good to exercise! i need to get rid of those layers of fats that have been building up around my waist and other spots during finals period. though i have been only back for a day, i can't help but feel really aware of people around me. somehow i am starting to see ppl in a different light. i can't really define what kinda change i am feeling.... but i just got the sense, from like a day out (yest and this morning) that there are actually many poor ppl around.... ok maybe not poor, but like lower middle class maybe? maybe i have been around HDB estates and hawker centers where the less well-to-do folks live.... i dunno why i suddenly feel so conscious of the different classes of people in society... in a way i feel bad that there seems to be a sizeable proportion of the population who aren't exactly very well off.... and will be likely to remain like this over generations... but i guess what matters is that these families are happy? sometimes i guess it's' not very good to know of greener pastures elsewhere cos then when we are down we feel extremely abject and shi bai... sigh dunno. i'm talking rubbish.

while jogging with my dad i was painfully alerted to teh fact that my parents are really ageing ... my dad complained of a constant ache in his shoulder and he seemed thinner than last time... if i had stayed in the US going about my own affairs i wouldn't be really aware of all these things about my family.... i'm glad i came home in a way. i guess if i had just stayed there i would just be so bogged down by my OWN affairs and my own problems and get so self-centred or worried about other trivial things constantly on my mind and not even think about my family that much... and am glad to receive smses from familiar faces like shu, jing, joyce, jeannice and ting!

despite having been home for less than 12 hours, i have already bought 3 pieces of clothing haha. what a shopaholic i am.... but well the sale is really good! g2000 has like 30% off blouses and skirts and 50% off blazers...mango was having a sale too. sigh. foresee myself spending quite a lot of money over the next week or so... the LA flight was really long! 18 continuous hours on a plane really isn't that fun. even though the seats were fairly comfy...

i am obsessed with zhi shao hai you ni by sandy lam recently. looped it on my laptop for like the whole morning and afternoon. hee. now i'm the only one left in my house but soon i'll be gone too. was clearing up stuff and re-read things i did in the past, random journal entries i penned down.... i feel like so many things have changed; that i have experienced so much in the past 2 years. i've def changed, for better or for worse i am not sure but i tend to believe it's for the former...
and am pretty excited about my internship next sem! got sent a booklet on the Woodrow Wilson Center and it had a short write-up of the scholar i would be assisting. she seems really cool and i really hope i can get to something useful and substantial.... flying home tmr afternoon! =)

enjoyed my first day of bumming around. after fetching jacqui to the airport i went to fourth street to 'gai gai'... then went to north face outlet to look see... then went to sch for a while to get my new SEVIS...then came home and FINALLY did some cleaning up of my room and toilet and sorting of old notes. still lots undone, but at least i did something... =) feel so totally 'at peace' with nothing to do just sitting at my table haha. =P

finals are over! but sadly i feel like i don't really know what i should do all of a sudden. feel very lost. hmmm withdrawal symptoms from having studied too much? not that i studied that much also. i guess i just look forward to going home, meeting my family and frens again, eating cheap good food. shopping. jianfei-ing. though i doubt that will happen considering how much i am going to be eating. =P

am getting a little tired of studying even though there is still a lot to do... sigh. wonder if stress has caused me to embark on a shopping spree online. from knitting kits to books.... i think i have been spending too much money online... it's too easy to buy on impulse... just a few clicks and u can buy a whole lot of stuff...
also confronted with a mess in my room but no motivation to clean up. after finals i suppose. and suddenly i was struck by how much stuff i have accumulated over the past year and now i think i REALLY have to start thinking properly about how to pack them into boxes. and i dun look forward as much to my LA-SING flight anymore... cos it's supposedly 18 long continuous hours on a plane. i hate long flights....

taking an 'afternoon' nap in the evening has proved to be a good strategy against falling asleep when trying to do work at home, which is what (unfortunately) happens to me all the time. for once, i feel really happy and at peace doing work on my bed, with my hp laptop balanced at 45 degrees on one lap, with sunyanzi playing on my windows media player and poli sci reader article turned to an article on East Asia precariously lodged on a pillow on my other lap. haha hard to imagine the acrobatic act i am doing on my bed ya? hee a 5 min break from summarizing my article.... =) oh yes, forgot to add with two devoured packets of on-offer chex (with the yucky pretzels left intact) and a half-finished box of chex cereal beside my bed.... haha. images of disorder during finals period.....

am one final away from the end of it all and slightly more than a week away from home!
i had better not be lazy and work hard for my last final... cos many undone readings waiting for me to analyse them. i just hope i do ok for my IAS and dun fail my astro... think i wasn't sure for half the questions on my Astro final... quite ashamed of myself =P tmr will be the start of a continuous 'streaming' of people home... starting from my housemate. evelyn was the anomaly who flew home on TUESDAY... but nmind i shall patiently wait for my turn next friday cos even after finals i doubt i will be bored... hav to start thinking how to stuff all my barang barang into boxes for storage or into my luggage back to sg this time round...

hmm was just randomly surfing and saw this interesting article on lap pillows
and in turns out that they have a female counterpart for this...created even before this... boyfriend pillows for single Jap women.... and i thought the comment one lady made in the article was funny... and so another advantage of this pillow is that ""It keeps holding me all the way through. I think this is great because this does not betray me."

hmm... shall be completing my last 'leg' of review session for today in about 15 min. last review session of the day!! 7-9pm! hav been 'reviewing' almost continuously since 1230 pm....
cannot believe my 'bouts' of forgetfulness yest and today. left my file at northside foodcourt yest evening and panicked cos all my precious notes were inside and without it i might as well skip my finals.... then today, i was victim of my forgetfulness once again.... and i really pissed myself off... haha. was trying to buy a sandwich at intermezzo cafe (south side) only to realize that i didn't hav my wallet with me.... so had to walk ALL THE WAY back to my car on north side to get my wallet and walk all the way back to buy the sandwich which had been prepared for me already.... so even though i originally had like 15-20 min before my first review, all was spent walking up and down slopes. oh well.... i guess I need the exercise huh. can foresee long hours of sitting at the table for the rest of the week....

felt somewhat inspired by my astro 10 prof when he sincerely urged us to find a job that we truly enjoy in future... and somehow i could sense that he loved every bit of the lectures he gives... from the donut demonstrations....to his display of his collection of astro 10 t shirts every lecture... to playing songs with lyrics involving astronomy.... to showing us his bungee jumping experience at victoria falls.... no wonder he gets voted one of the most popular profs everytime... cos even though i dun go for every lecture, when i do go, i really do enjoy his lectures, (when i am not asleep) complete with not-so-subtle remarks about stanford and bush... i do aspire to have a job that i really love and enjoy one day.... though i still dun have the faintest idea what that would be. one of the most impt? lessons that i have learnt, be it in or out of class, is that things change... all the time... so whatever i think now.... i really wonder it will be at all relevant to what will happen...

sigh. moffitt lib is scary. everyone's so motivated to study.. while i always sit there trying to read but distracted by frivolous things on my mind. this seems to happen every finals period...

feel totally crushed after my jap final.... =(
feel ultra sleepy and i just want to go home and sleep but i hav astro hw due later in the day.... maybe i'll drop it though i'm not supposed to... why am i so bad at coping with whatever i hav to cope with....
it's finals week starting next week... and am going home in exactly two weeks' time... but somehow i still don't hav the motivation to study... and there's like so many other things to worry about

reactions to my peach tarts have been somewhat mixed, ranging from peaches are somewhat gross to crust is not very cooked to peach tarts are very nice.... haha hmm. so i conclude that they are average-tasting. but sample size not large enough. biased.. haha. if i have time tmr perhaps i can make more for my potluck at my prof's place again. but seeing how i have IAS hw, jap finals and tonnes of articles all due on thursday... hmm.. maybe not.

visited the SF fed reserve bank yesterday morning... and it was pretty cool! not only because we got to sit in the board room where board members meet, we also got to meet the president Janet Yellen who was surprisingly small-built and nice.... also got to tour the vaults where each container contained from between 4.6 million US dollars to 460 million dollars... and got cute souvenirs of shredded greenbacks from our 'tourguide'. had macdonalds in SF with sumei and shiying... hmm dunno. it was just a morning of getting away from all the work ahead of me. escapism....

my peach tarts! 

aargh. cannot believe my calmail timed out twice while i was typing my ad for my room and as a result i typed my ad thrice!! i tried copying before i pressed 'send' but then stupid me forgot to paste before copying the SMSA email address... aargh. so.
hmm spent the whole morning doing misc stuff such as laundry, making peach tarts from leftover crust dough and cleaning my toilet and room... had better start on all the work i have soon...

am faking my astro labs in dwinelle comp labs using google image search now... i hope i dun get jie1 chuan1ed... for some odd reason my finger joints hurt... perhaps its been so cold recently that i got rheumatism....
attempts to write a slightly more analytical piece on anti-americanism for my journalism class yesterday made me realize something more applicable to life in general... whenever someone doen'st like us, we tend to just shun them or reciprocate the hostility... do we actually bother to find out why... i guess sometimes the reasons behind one's actions are as impt as the action itself yet most of the time we dun bother to dig deep enough... cos discovering these reasons my mean discovering new things about ourselves, or our faults, or misconceptions that people have of us that we could not have corrected without knowledge of them.... well i guess cos it isn't exactly pleasant to have someone dislike you in the first place and we hesitate in uncovering appalling facts (maybe?) about ourselves..?

why must ppl tell me explicitly even if i am fat??!!
hmm had an interesting ex in class yesterday; was told to draw the world map and all of us were complaining how distorted our maps looked... but it was interesting to see what everyone else drew... and our instructor highlighted the fact that the north is over-represented.... and that the equator isn't in the middle for most maps.. it's usually like 1/3 from the bottom of the page...
i realize that i am quite dead with tons and tons of readings for poli sci... but i really dun feel like reading. sleepy and lazy. astro labs due tmr; was supposed to stay in scsh to go for star parties.. but ended up coming home. dun think i did well for my jap presentation today... orals next week... many things due...

us! 

Road trip highlights

shall take a couple of minutes to do this...

1) Shopping!
think every single one of us spent no less than $100 each at the premium outlets and i splurged on two CK shirts that were the most expensive shirts i have bought in my whole life... not that they were THAT expensive; guess for rich ppl what is US$40 for a shirt, but i felt very xin tong and guilty spending so much on plain shirts... maybe overwhelmed by the shopping 'spirit' and momentarily super brand-conscious? and so the one who said he would go back to the motel to sleep or something while we were shopping also ended up with many purchases... tsk tsk.

2) Buffets
I dun think I have ever spent as much money on food within 3 days as I have when in Las Vegas, but no grudges cos I really did enjoy every single buffet I had in Vegas... i shall always remember the irresistably yummy smoked Salmon and prawns we had at Paris and the sumptuous spread of Jap food and cute desserts at Todai...

3) Jacqui the Wasabe Queen!
haha god knows what sparked off the wasabe eating competition... every one of us swallowed at least a small ball of wasabe just for the kick of it at the end of our lunch buffet at Todai, with Jacqui 'winning' the race by swallowing this big dollop of wasabe in the end all at one go... straight-faced and with no signs of choking..unlike some really amusing "candidates" with contorted facial expressions... hee

4)My biggest folly
was to point to this somewhat scandalously clad woman on a poster when asked to choose between two shows after winning this mini free spin at Tropicana... well.. i really didn't think it was going to be a strip show but of course no one spared me for that so throughout my trip I was harrassed by my companions pointing out strip show posters to me... glad i am back..

5) Our near 14-hour car ride home
I am sure everyone was glad to be home after a gruelling and tiring 14-hr ride in our SUV... due to jams on freeways we took a detour and ended up almost 5 hours behind schedule... but it could have been worse...kudos to our brilliang drivers and navigators... esp evelyn and ziyang who took the bulk of yesterday's long long ride home... =)

so even though i ended up home at 1130pm with lotsa work unfinished, big big hole in my pocket and perhaps hundreds of calories more from all the rich food I took in, I really enjoyed the trip... what can be better than hanging out with good company on a holiday...=)

the Bellagio fountain...=) 

just a quick entry from las vegas! am at coffee bean with my road trip mates 'koping' wireless from coffeebean... and unfortunately it closes in about 15 min time so we hav to vacate.... spent a lot of money today at outlets earlier... aargh.super broke. yest night was really nice but expensive as expected. had sumptuous buffet at Paris, then strolled across to the Bellagio to watch the musical fountain. which was just amazing and beautiful. I was really awed by the first performance and it's amazing how when skilfully choreographed water and lights can be so pretty. =)

it's thanksgiving weekend this week and with the holiday atmosphere everywehre even though i hav work i dun even feel like working. extremely bad. i was really upset today when i got back my late hw for IAS today, cos it's the best hw score i ever got... just that it had to have 1/3 of my marks docked off and end up being my worst homework.... aargh.
i received the kenneth cole coat i wanted to buy some time back from my dear friends from Kearney... sigh. very happy and thankful and touched... sigh. next time when i want to buy something i better keep it a secret...
and finished baking cookies, helped make brownies and blondies for our road trip tmr!! yay... setting off for las vegas! haha and watched bridget jones diary 1 for the nth time just now....

Kaleidoscope of cute babies

was just surfing randomly on the net and visited one of the sites i used to frequent for my journalism class .... and i came across a collection of pictures of babies on the China Daily Website... 12 pictures of babies in all kinds of funny situations... i certainly wun want to be the baby precariously lodged in a plastic bag.... nor the one being fed by a milk bottle dangled on a set-up of hanger-like thingies... "poor" babies.
aargh i am getting a sore throat... i dun want to be sick before nor during my las vegas trip.. =(

i wondered how long it would take me to walk home. and so i found out yesterday.... hmmm in about an hour. not that bad lah, at least i know that if i have absolutely no way of going home i can still walk! met up with some UCDC participants yeterday and they seemed alright but then talk of clubs to chill out at or girls swooning over the OC just left me with nothing much to contribute.... hmm oh well. i was kinda discouraged, but then again i have to bear in mind i dun even know them yet why keep worrying that i wun fit in.... i believe there will be one or two nice souls i can click with... i hope? am getting fat!!!! appealing for "waistline-decreasing measures"!! anyone?

tag-board is still down for some odd reason. how unfortunate.
i get to fly home for free!!! only paying taxes cos i redeemed my mileage plus miles for a SIA round trip ticket... and am excited that i will get to take the LA-SIN direct flight on the way home! but enuff said, i think i've been telling ppl about my 'windfall' today that i am on the verge of going overboard. so...
had my UCDC orientation today and went into a room in dwinelle with video-conferencing. rather cool i must say, to actually get to see students in Washington D.C. this sem... the group of 25 seems like a really diverse group... but I am somewhat apprehensive as I seem to be the only Asian girl there... I hope I will cope and manage the non-academic aspects of interning and studying at D.C. next sem and though I am rather tempted to worry about not fitting in, I do recognize that it is somewhat uncalled for.... worrying even before I interact with my peers on this program. terribly unhealthy, dear shi min.. I shall wait till the 'social gathering' tomorrow before making any judgments...
just watched Bridget Jones The Edge of Reason and though the proper English accent and hilarious and stupid things that Bridget did make it a really light-hearted funny movie I somehow still prefer the first one... =)

what am i doing up at 3am in the morning??! i guess cos i fell asleep while reading my articles just now and as such failed to summarize them then and now i've just finished my job and somehow am too awake to go back to sleep...am somewhat upset with tag-board for failing the whole day and making me suffer from burning curiosity as to whether those =) or ^^s or (*,*)s have xian4 shen1ed.... am also extremely amused that my little email to tell my friends about firefox sparked off a whole lot of replies from ppl in singapore, east coast of US, china and UK.... totally unexpected but then it made me very happy to hear from ppl i haven't heard from in a quite a while. =)

my 'latest craze' is firefox 1.0, available for download at www.mozilla.org
was initially unconvinced when my fren tried to tell me how IE sux.... cos i am so used to using IE i have never imagined switching to some other browser... but this is really cool. esp the tabbed browsing and multiple homepage features... among many others! =) plus it has themes u can download, extensions that u can add to make ur browser really personalized!!!
haha ok. shall stop advertising for them... hmm since when did shimin turn into a software geek?? =)

today i was toying with the idea of flying home after all.... it might be ok for me to go home, even though just for say about 2 weeks.... but tickets are SO expensive now... did a search for redeemable tics on United... and i only hav around 78000 miles to redeem... enough for a saver award home (60000) but not enough for a standard award home (100000)... aargh. irritating. only found standard awards that were available. if only i can find a saver award i can fly home for free.....then going back for 2 weeks wun be that not worth it... but perhaps i should wait till my UCDC orientation on wed to decide if this is feasible..
so many things to do before tmr, and this week!!!! aargh. too busy to be depressed. =)

sigh. have been resisting blogging about unhappy things but i shall make an exception today... dunno what happened to me today i suddenly just feel very down. bad mood. no mood to do anything. abandoned my astro hw after looking at the questions... and found out today too that i was supposed to come up with questions for poli sci section by today but kinda forgot about it and now desperately trying to read article but nothing seems to be going in. =(
and feel like i suddenly dun belong anywhere...am not capable of doing anything... dun excel in classes... bad driver... not very good company...eating lotsa junk food instead of dinner... flood of silly thoughts.

and so my grand plans to study after lunch went down the drain... ended up baking with jacqui and after that spent whole night watching bridget jones's diary on tv...it was fun though... i havne't baked for so long. and the cookies were rather yummy and i couldn't resist eating them one after another. i think i gained at least 500 calories eating all that junk...and couldn't resist walking away from the tv to do my polisci readings...
but rewatching bridget jone's diary was fun... there were still many bits which made me laugh.. bits which made me feel a bit 'aww...' like for a few seconds i wonder what it would be like if i knew someone like mr darcy... so straight-faced and seemingly nonchalant but actually loves bridget so much..., "just the way she is"... =P

thought i would hav nothing to blog about today but apparently my life is quite 'happening' haha. well.... i overslept today!! and sadly missed my IAS lecture AND the deadline to turn in the homework i stayed up all night to complete... i am so pissed with myself. i actually woke up at 820 am, but went back to sleep then when i woke up again to my horror it was 1106am.... now i get 2 out of 20 points docked off my hw and i will do badly cos dun even know if the answers are all correct. =( oh well but i mean it's my own doing... it also suddenly struck me while walking to my poli sci lecture this morning how i complained about this to no less than 3 ppl within 1.5 hrs of my waking up.... and i would hav complained to everyone who visits my blog and reads this entry!! why do ppl feel the need to complain? not that it helps undo whatever has been done...

there was this part in alfie that i liked.. when jude law describes how during his high sch days he was on a sch trip and he saw the statue of Aphrodite and he just stood in awe of it.. at how perfect and beautiful she was... but then somehow when he got closer he saw the cracks, the flaking off, the imperfections..... can't remb exactly what he said, but something along these lines.... how true it is, that sometimes when we get closer to ppl we dunno very well but think veyr highly of initially, we discover their flaws, their weaknesses... their imperfections. but i guess we can interpret this in another sense, sometimes we think ppl aren't very nice... yet when u get close to them u discover little things that make you really love them for who they are isn't it. who in the world is perfect? =)

managed to do some admin stuff this morning; figured out which organizations i wanted to apply to and sent out my first one to CARE international.... ok at least i did something... =) thought i would write more cover letters though but apparently i overestimated myself so ended up writing two only... nmind will continue next week.
then finally cooked after a long hiatus... but nothing complicated. fried ikan bilis and peanuts! tasted not bad i thought... made two batches.. one with chilli one without and i think i ate too much of the chilli ones and i am getting a sore throat now... but my peanuts could hav been crunchier and anchovies still crispier though. oh well. first try lah. =)
i am beginning to shift from feeling irritated at receiving so many non-profit org letters and freebies such as cards to feeling pity for the wasted efforts of these organizations... i will not be surprised if many individuals, upon receiving such things just dump them without even opening them.... such a waste of resources. perhaps instead of mailing things to ppl, they should divert their resources to more active fund-raising.... such that ppl will actually be pressured to donate.... i'm not saying that it's better to pressure ppl to donate, but i mean i think it might be more effective in raising funds?...

aargh. just woke up around an hour ago with messy hair cos i unintendedly fell asleep at 10 something last night... ok i intended to take a one hour nap but obviously i overestimated my abilities to wake up to do all the work i had to do.... =( so in the next hour i hav to try to fake my astro lab due today, try to study for jap listening quiz before goign to sch to practise jap oral skit with my partner... with messy hair.. eeks. well ok actually my hair is messy more than 50% of the time.. but still! my hairdryer short-circuits everytime i use it (past few days) leading to blackouts in my room and xiaotian's room and in turn leading us to troop down to ziyang's room where the main panel thing is to reset the switch... which of course led me to much paiseh-ness whenever this happened and as result i cannot blow my hair and i have messy hair from now on... or least till i get a new hairdryer... =(
realized to my horror yesterday when trying to search for internships that some deadlines have passed!! aargh. this weekend will see me frantically trying to search for new oganizations, churning out cover letters yet without a very focused idea of my thesis topic.... am actually quite tired.... cos next few weeks will just be work and more work to do... i want a week where i can slack and relax but that is scarcely possible. plus, it is shocking how there are only about 6 weeks left of this whole semester..... =(

and so bush won. no one is happy... wonder what my instructor will say later. went to his house last night supposedly to blog about elections but everything was still unclear so ended up just sitting here watching CNN... his house is really big and cool and just filled with artistic objects, tapestries, books etc which show how travelled he is... how cultured he is... and the overall decor was just lovely.... wonder if all the houses along solano look like that inside. made me wonder if one day i will have the chance to own a house like that... and grow to be as cultured and worldly like that... in the presence of two other grad journalism students yesterday i just felt really really ignorant and bad... =( yet i dun really know what to do with myself. i sometimes really admire ppl who aren't so directionless... who always know what they want and work hard towards their goals... i think i'm forever searching for things i like... sometimes aimlessly... and i think what if i go dc and screw things up... or what if i dun enjoy myself there and yearn for ppl to fall back on... sometimes i think i am strong but actually i'm very weak... schizo me.

a sadistic name for a dish

ppl who adore jap food would probably know that oyako don is the chicken and egg donburi thing.... but does anyone know what 'oyako' actually means? i didn't, but was enlightened during jap class today.... while reading one of the tb conversations. and so 'oya' means parent and 'ko' means child... and put them together u get ur oyako don.... well. interesting idea, but not exactly very appropriate for a dish...???

just found out that i got into my washington dc program. somehow i was totally zoned out when reading the email... like somehow it didn't occur to me at that instant that i should be happy.... i wonder why. but i guess i really should be elated cos it really is a good piece of news... i can really forsee myself learning a lot if the prog turns out to be as good as i anticipated it to be... but here comes all the logistics issues and the tedious search for an internship.... i guess it's a little too early to miss ppl? =P

it all started with a couch.
when the couch was home, i suddenly got inspired and started pasting pictures on the living room wall... and then everyone got inspired and thus we decided to go to ikea and dada! our living room was transformed within one afternoon. hee really like my lil candle set-up. and btw the yellow flowers i plucked from the bush across the street. *guilty look* i am pleasantly surprised how it is possible to create a homely home with 3 guy housemates... er... perhaps our nice living room will last for one day only... but nonetheless feel lucky and am glad that something good turned out of an initially doubtful housing situation... =)

four candles... one for each of us 

finally... a house picture!  

the toilet of shame campaign (perhaps someone can enlighten me)

as expected i was falling asleep in all my classes today, having slept only a miserable one hour yesterday night in an attempt to finish my midterm paper. though it's done.. think it relaly could have been better but i was just gave up in the end haha... finished it like 15 min before i left for sch this morning.... i hate how i hav to go home and study hard for jap quiz today! aargh. i really really yearn for the weekend.
am highly amused by what my professor just told my poli sci class about singapore. in an attempt to give us an idea of what the authoritarian govt under LKY was like, she came up with this bizarre example of LKY being disturbed by ppl not using toilets properly and sticking chewiing gum everywhere and started this 'toilet of shame' campaign or something, installing surveillance cameras in toilets and offenders get whisked off to prison.... i was just like huh?? hmmm maybe i am just too ignorant, but i really dun recall anything like that so i was just bewildered... she probably exaggerated... even though she claims she has been to Singapore, she just made more generalizations like it's the cleanest place in the world...that it's an offence to chew chewing gum.... hmmm wonder why foreigners get such warped ideas of singapore... even today. or maybe they just like to perpetuate these stereotypes..

realized that many things are easier said than done.

realized also that ur actions dun only impact yourself, but others as well.... such as when my forgetfulness and busy studying for midterm led guy to call me 4 times, leaving me voice messages urging me to call him back to give him my policy number cos he lost it.... momentarily i felt so wicked; how could i induce such pain in someone totally innocent, victim of my carelessness... i suppose he thought i would shirk responsibility. i am glad for myself that as i grew up my sense of 'morality' grew stronger. remember immoral moments as a kid when i helped my fren buy this scented eraser from the school bookstore, lying that it was $1 instead of 50 cents cos i wanted to get one for myself too.... haha. but there was retributive justice cos i remember wondering where the eraser i got using ill-gotten gains disappeared to despite having put it safely into my pocket.... and once i lied to my mum that there was some big bully in sch who extorts money from me as an excuse to not go to sch and got my mum rather worried... i am glad though that those were harmless lies....

what am i doing! blogging in the middle of writing my midterm paper.. distracted girl...

it is immensely rewarding sometimes to get to understand one side of your friend that you never really got to...to understand that everyone has weak moments and that u aren't the only one in the world mulling over what seems terribly unfortunate and distressing. am glad that i had two nights of interesting conversation with people i never really thought would open up to me. midterms suddenly seemed extremely trivial in comparison... (ok wait till i get a bad grade and start complaining haha) it is sometimes good to discard pre-conceptions of people and just be open and listen to what they have to say. lesson learnt this week? some things may be really painful right now but they might be better for you in the long run...