i wonder why is it that as i grow older i seem to develop a more serious inferiority complex. i told my mum that i put on so much weight that she wouldn't be able to recognize me when i go back in about a month's time and that she would comment that i bian chou le... haha. but she was like pang better than tai shou... oh well. then i told her i did badly for all my midterms and she was like aiyah dun fail then can already lah why be so harsh on yourself and make urself constantly stressed and unhappy? i wonder if this is really the way to go. sinking into mediocrity yet not be too overly affected by it. perhaps there are some other qualities that i possess that ppl dun.... so maybe i should learn to love myself more and not think so many negative thoughts. haha. at least some ppl appreciate my walnut prawns and beef ball noodles. oh well but what is cooking as compared to other things?
i also realized that i have been away from home for so so long... i was just commenting how i would finally see my mum again after one whole year. it doen'st really seem that long actually. i can't believe that i have been living on my own for one whole year.... really look forward to meeting up with ppl at home... crys jeannice joyce huining cat shing shu huijun ting etc etc..... i feel like i haven't talked to all these ppl for so so long. having said that i suddenly feel so overwhelmed i feel like crying. it's strange. i dun think when i finally see them i will hav lotsa lotsa stuff to say, (BEING ME) but somehow i just want to see them. i feel that i havn'et exactly been talking to ppl for so so long. i'm always like doing things on my own... and i am so AS. yet great inertia to 'boot' myself out of it.

almost won $50 today... but in the end i didn't. and the 'closeness' i came to winning it makes me sadder now that i didn't witn it.... than if i hadnt' come so close to winning it. haha. this was from a psych expt for my econ 119 class... termed a 'beauty contest'...i hav no idea why though. each of us are supposed to write down a no. and the person with the no. closest to 2/3 of the mean of the class would then win $5 or $50 (did this twice; first time for $5 and second time for $50) haha i was pretty lucky and the number that i guessed (part luck part attempted deduction at what class would put down) came closest to the answer... but so did 2 other ppl and when we tossed coins to decide on the winner i 'lost'..... guess i'm just not lucky enough.
yay... my PEIS paper is no longer due on thursday... but on monday instead.. cos everyone complained they had too many midterms and thus had no time for the paper and our prof was finally swayed and extended the deadline till monday. which is bad in a way actually cos then i will procrastinate and complete it during the weekend instead. but glad that i dun need to burn midnight oil today, cos my paper is far from complete. =)
i realized that i am very very ignorant though i try to read up... read economist etc... my brain doesn't seem to absorb and retain whatever information i have come across. as such i have a somewhat limited 'store' of knowledge... about everything in general. i somehow tend to remb things very vaguely and not specifically..... and also realized that its much easier to remb things if u conciously pay attention and tell urself to remb them. as compared to if u just come across them but dun think much about them....

it's freezing these days!! think average temp everyday is below 10C... an awful contrast to the nice comfy 20s just about a week ago... now i hav to wear at least 2 layers everyday when i go to sch.... and it's a chore to bathe..haha cos i'ts so cold. and we hesitate to switch on the heater.... cos our electricity bills will definitely shoot up.... but i turned it on the other day once though... and it was so nice and warm =P
2 more days before my PEIS paper is due and i hav only about 6 pages of stuff... and am really worried that my content is not good.. and that my structure isn't sound... and my speed is really pathetic... i feel terrible complaining all hte time... but i just somehow get very pissed with myself all the time. =( hope the weather doesn't deteriorate... also been sleeping very little yet i dun feel veyr accomplished. my econ 182 results are out but i dunno how i did.. i really really fear i did badly. i dunno why but somehow everything seems to be goign wrong for me thsi semester... help.