i think i still can't really get over the fact that work often entails doing things that you don't exactly enjoy doing... i'm told that that's quite common, and that i ought take them as challenges... but also fear the arrival of the day i stop feeling this kinda unpleasantness and resistance... i've also been fretting over this small policy paper i'm supposed to draft... cos policies are a lot more complicated and messy than what i expected; and also find it hard to convince myself to argue for a certain stand when i have yet to witness how the policies translate/ have translated at the ground level... AND... when discussing certain ideas with nice colleagues, realized that it's so easy to propose this and that... and yet i wouldn't even be able to imagine the indirect inconveniences caused at the operational level.... i really have a long way to go! nonetheless discovered amidst my anxiety that my 'buddy' at work's actually a very very sweet person... and am really thankful to have her as my 'mentor' :)

I sense that i appear to be rather 'mysterious' to some ppl... because oftentimes i look like i'm pensive, then in the end i don't even utter a word. then usually ppl get a lil bit concerned and will instead ask.... so are you ok? and usually ppl would in turn be at a loss as to what to say to me... and some ppl are seemingly baffled. i wonder if my boss is one of them... cos i'm not chatty like some colleagues and so during chance meetings after lunch on way back to office etc sometimes work is still discussed for lack of better conversation topics. hmm in fact, work issues almost always manage to find their way into lunch conversation generally... but guess that's not very unusual at all

i was the sorry victim of my dept d and d's activities last night. there were many saboed victims, but thought mine was especially traumatic. and rather inappropriate for a dept annual dinner... SO... towards the end of the dinner, when i was about to leave, i was called on stage as a substitute for my colleague (who left shortly beforehand) for some 'beauty pageant' whereby contestants were supposed to replicate on stage somewhat suggestive moves initiated by the emcee... and the female 'contestants' had to end off with "Am I hot?"... so poor me was standing on stage, almost wanting to puke/faint watching the emcee demonstrating all this... and the worse thing was... every contestant's lil performance was captured on video.... of course i couldn't bear to do most of the things we were told to, but had to entertain a little just to be sporting... but thought it was a most inconsiderate item for a d and d dinner... if it's prom night or something i can stomach it, but d and d??? unless i'm just being particularly sore having been victimized... i think if anyone who knows me well were present, he/she would have totally cracked up. and of course, sympathized loads with my plight.