so i've kinda been conditioned to daily after-meal bloatedness and weird grumbling noises and i can't even bear to think about what's going on inside. just hope everything will be ok again soon. and was also thinking that i now perhaps have an inkling of what many hunger-stricken African kids are going through... only perhaps ten times worse. my mild bloating and other unpleasant symptoms have already caused me a lot of discomfort; i can now totally imagine how awful it must be to have stomach viruses in your tummy all the time. it's not like i haven't seen pics of starving kids with distended abdomens before... it's just that i NEVER really wondered how that might feel like... now that i can imagine the pain they must be going through.. it's really quite upsetting. but then, what's the use of me feeling sorry for them, like it would lift their suffering... ONLY if i can do something about it one day, will such feelings of sympathy be of some use right. =(

apple sauce tastes pretty bad (well at least the one i got does; not sure if they all taste the same but don't care to venture) why do ppl even eat it! esp babies/toddlers/kids at CHAI/my little housemate...well actually i can kinda understand lah. i mean it's pretty nutritious and easy to swallow and digest i guess. i feel sorry for them. esp for babies, who can't even protest. i shall just revert back to eating normal stuff cos i'm really not that ill. =P

i can't get back to sleep with funny noises in my stomach and so i decided to look up the EVIL stomach virus disease... also termed Gastroenteritis, apparently. and very unfortunately i am now almost 90% sure i contracted this... and i feel like it's worsening instead of subsiding.. and it also sucks that no medicine helps.... 2 more random facts after my surfing on the internet-- apparently it is one of the most common acute illnesses in the US and it can last from a couple of days to say around 10 DAYS!....!!! i will die of dehydration and starvation by then.... ok just exaggerating. i think my case isn't that bad since i haven't been vomiting. but feel weak and may skip some classes later, though will try hard not to. and i will be thriving on things like bananas and apple sauce perhaps for next couple of days.... *casts myself a pitiful look* =P

after consulting the 'advice nurse' at the Tang Center i figured that i prob didn't get detergent poisoning but instead fell victim to some evil stomach bug. (ha, to think that i totally underestimated my body's ability to expel toxic compounds!) and apparently there has been a few going around and since it's contagious i prob caught it from someone... sigh. how unfortunate. and so i am expected to feel horrible for a few more days and no medicine can cure my discomfort since it's (according to her) some kinda virus attack. oh well. i mean i can function properly, just perhaps at 75% of original energy level. and meals are merely to prevent myself from getting gastric pains and i barely enjoy whatever i eat. it must really suck to have anorexia...

i'm quite positive i poisoned myself else why would i be suddenly feeling nauseous these 2 days for no reason... aargh. now i feel like throwing up at the sight of my chips... felt better after sleeping a whole lot yest night, but then it's coming back to haunt me again. it had better go away soon else it would spoil my entire week. VERY thankful that problem set deadline has been extended to next tuesday... hmm so anyway i think i poisoned myself cos i think i might have accidentally ingested some detergent yesterday. was washing my waterbottle with detergent.. then was in rush to catch the bus so i suspect i didn't get all the bubbles out. then in sch i discovered this layer of bubbles floating on top and realized that i actually drank a mouthful earlier before going out of the house (of course, without realizing that it was contaminated...) so now i'm wondering if body is reacting to the tiny amt of detergent in stomach?? but can't really tell what happened either.. maybe i was too stressed over midterm? maybe got heat stroke. aargh. nmind, at least it spoils my appetite and i can jian fei in the meantime ha.

when we fall

am reminded that we really can't tell when each of us will meet with unexpected problems/ frustrating incidents/weak moments... and also struck by how independent and strong each of us has to (or has to learn to) be, with no families close by to fall back on whenever things crop up. and it's gratifying to feel like i can be a 'shoulder' for someone to lean on, to be a tiny source of comfort to a friend... definitely no substitute for a family member or a close loved one... but don't think that matters...

nice ppl.

i suddenly really miss my mum after discovering this little thing she did for me which was so sweet. so i have this top with a hole in it... and though i've always meant to sew it up i never really got down to doing it... then yest when i pulled out the top to wear it (and to reaffirm that hole hadn't maliciously expanded) i couldn't find it... and came to the realization that my mum must have mended it when i brought that top home over summer... just felt like giving her a big hug at that point... am also very thankful to someone who has been a really great host, to the extent that i had to (at times) fight over sleeping on the floor... =P