i find it scary how everyone seems fine with one another on the surface but can be totally pissed with certain ppl deep down... the scary part is that you can't tell. it's scary how certain people can get so good at it... and i'm not good at telling... but it's also interesting how ppl u thought were best friends totally cannot stand each other... just listening to some ppl bitch about some ppl in the program just reminded me once again how fake we all can be...
today i felt an urge to volunteer in some village in rural China for a month or so, to understand how these ppl live... do com service and learn. but i wonder if the need-to-blog everyday, will-die-without-hot-shower-water me is up to it... i think sometimes i really need to remind myself how fortunate i actually am. i feel like I am always complaining about trivial things that bother me... tsk tsk.

i feel schizo again. suddenly feel very depressed and xian for no reason today. actually i suspect i know the reason but just feels eeky. i think when u are in ur little world with no one to compare to or no one to upset your 'equilibrium' you can get on forever feeling fine. and so in class today i felt really upset with nothing to contribute to the class discussion and the fact that the class only had like 12 ppl or so exacerbated it. and wrote a not so good paper for class today. and have another response paper due tmr morning. dunno what to write. feel like i can't write well enough. cannot analyse things properly. am getting paranoid that i have no topic for my research paper... thinking about old problems... imagining new probs...

i think i have gotten into a habit of blogging so frequently that it just feels weird if i dun pen down my thoughts when i have things i want to say. i wanted to wish everyone who frequents this blog a Happy Chinese New Year. and to a particulr individual who has been taunting me with insensitive questions of whether i was having steamboat for dinner, no i didn't have steamboat but had an enjoyable dinner... albeit at a totally non-Chinese restaurant... Cheesescake factory! haha. but it was one of the most pleasant dinners i have ever had since i came here, as well as one of the most 'international' ones, in that there was one Scottish girl, one German guy, two Americans, two HongKongers and one Singaporean girl...me! two Hong Kong girls staying across the hall just happened to ask if i wanted to have Chinese New Year dinner with them and their roommates and a few others and so i readily agreed, for i didn't really want to eat yucky food for new year's eve... and it turned out to be pretty fun and informative, for all these ppl were really nice and open.... quite unlike people in my own program, rather unfortunately, who aren't as friendly and are generally more cliquish. maybe for the first time in my life here, i truly felt how great it is to be able to meet ppl from everywhere when u study in the US.. doubt i would really get to know them that well and they would be leaving prob end March, but still glad to have hung out with them briefly for the evening... sadly at the expense of completing my mini paper due tmr. which i haven't done yet and ti's 118 am and i am veyr tired and i am going to sleep.... and i shall tou lan at work tmr to try to complete it.....

the weather has grown considerably warmer and so i walked to work today! and back too. and saved $2.70 on metro. takes about 25 min each way and allows me to exercise.. so why not? just that i think i will prob be too lazy on some days to walk home after a whole day of work. but i shall attempt to start a 'walking regime' if the weather permits. it's like the coldest berk weather now, but it feels warm... after freezing these past few weeks.. can save like $10 a week... $40 a month... $120 for the next 3 months! haha but knowing me i think i wun be so consistent...
am getting a sore throat cos have been stuffing myself with tortilla chips and have been attempting to finish my devil's food choc cake and hav been suffering from the twix syndrome. all of which culminated in a very bad throat. i will distance myself from these items hopefully in the next few days. record of the month: i only spent $3.50 for the whole of today, on lunch... =P

i started watching naruto.. downloaded like 5 episodes to entertain myself since on weekends i dun hav anywhere to go or anyone to really go out with. feel veyr happy to be re-associated with jap and glad that i still undrstand certain words but i have problem understanding without the eng subtitles though. sad. but will prob stop watching. takes ages to download one episode and i'm lazy. =P baked a cake for the first time this morning, but used a cake mix, so that's cheating... cos it's such convenient finger food, more than half the cake has disappeared.... went grocery shopping this morning and coincidentally bumped into a singaporean mum... i just heard someone saying a certain kind of asparagus is fresher in a Singaporean accent and upon slight probing found out that she was the mum of some guy studying in Georgetown. random. and made linguine with pasta sauce, button mushrooms, spinach and cherry tomatoes, after trying a similar dish in the Woodrow Wilson cafeteria. didn't turn out exactly the same, but somewhat like the original. i will be having that at least once again this week, since i couldn't hav cooked everything at one go. maybe that will be my sad new year's eve dinner on tues. =P

i had an oreo milkshake today! at Potbelly Sandwich Works, a reasonably-priced sandwich place near home. think it's the first time in a few weeks that i'm eating ice cream... a remarkable feat for me considering how i've always had ice cream in my fridge in Albany. but it's good. can save money and not get fat. unfortunately..... i bought a packet of Twix minis from Safeway cos it was on offer and i have eaten ten of them today...
haven't touched any work since Friday. have been eating tons of sandwiches over the past few days... wished i had D&A here. and an asian food fan, then can share and go to Penang. oh well. visited two more musuems today but they weren't as good. but was still amazed by the mineral collection at the natural history museum.... i can't help but marvel at the variety of minerals and the diff shapes, forms, colors..... and the beauty of it all is that it's natural beauty. my roommate and i are somewhat isolated from the rest of the ppl in the program... but we tried. just that the ppl dun really seem very receptive. oh well. at least i hav someone to do things with still... i just hope we wun get sick of each other from hanging out rather frequently =P