a dream

had a really strange but somewhat symbolic dream which left me wondering all morning what action i should take.... dreamt that I was just walking across this bridge at night and there was like dim yellow light shining on me... was alone on this bridge and was then walking down the long flight of steps... feeling somewhat precarious as i sometiems do (though it seems strange to many i guess)... then i came to the end of the flight of steps and there suddenly was a window... and to get to my destination (or wherever i was going) I had to step out of the window to walk down another flight of steps... now this flight of steps was like just by the sea, adjacent to some big mass of water and it was like windy and the water was rough and choppy and i had to walk down the steps... and there was no railing or anything.... and i was feeling really scared and hesitant.... sadly while i was deciding whether to take the risk and end up dead or something i was woken up by my faithful cell phone alarm... and as such i was teetering at that moment, wondering how i should go about doing that but never made any decision..... oh well... really food for thought?? much as i would like to find out what would have happened to me, I think now i can never ever find out.... and perhaps it's just to alert me that there might be something in my life that I ahve been thinking about, or tried to decide upon but havne't done so?? perhaps my dream has drawn on my deepest fears while i have been unaware of my inner emotions all this while.... haha ok or maybe it was just a random dream... i mean though ppl and self-help books always talk about the power of dreams etc etc i guess we also have to take it with a pinch of salt?? haha but i dunno why but i just feel that my 'inner self' is trying to tell me something... i need a consultant...
this dream also inspired me to draw something.... and come up with a whole new art piece about my emotions and stuff.... feel really excited.. but i think i would never get down to doign it though.. cos if i really want to do it it woudl take a lot of time and researching for pictures, to do a really good job. and i guess ever sicne my O level art piece i never ever embarked on any such projects anymore... guess not whole-heartedly either.... quite sad. maybe one day... =) i think i am still sporadically bothered by my "inadequateness" in my studies... getting depressed over being 'xun se'... that i never really really like thought about spending say one whole school week not doing work and doing something i really like.

would like to get such interesting dreams more often though. =P it's been long since i rememebered a dream so vividly....

was pleasantly surprised when i reached home and found 2 letters on my table... one was from ting! and the other one was from unicef... nice to read a chinese letter written by the chinese expert ting... =) and the unicef one was particularly pleasant as well because they sent me really nice labels with my name and add on it.... well they asked for donations (in return for printing labels for me i guess) but i willingly donated because I have always wanted to donate to UNICEF anyway.... well maybe it's not really right, for these charitable organizations to pressure people into making donations using such tactics, but think they are working for a good cause... and children should be entitled to happy childhoods and not hav to worry about survival and lack of health care, malnutrition etc... think childhood is sometimes the happiest times of our lives, precisely because we do not know that much yet and dun worry and live in a world of innocence..... today was also a somewhat nice day because other unexpected things happened too...... had a nice little conversation with shiying, as well as toot toot.....and shing left me a msg asking me to fly my tiramisu back to sg..... haha and crys left me a random msg telling me sars is back in sg.... such things certainly do not happen to me everyday. suddenly all the ppl i know decided to 'call on me' simultaneously... yup. so i really treasure my precious interactions with people today!! =) albeit ending up (again) not doing much work despite having lotsa time to do work..... always happens when i have my laptop on in front of me...

got an email from cat today! it was kinda nice.... considering that I haven't really kept in touch with her for so long... actually i think i have neglected some of my 'old frens', yet not that i constantly make any effort to know new ppl too... oops. cat's life seems really interesting.... that xing fu girl holidaying and slacking in berlin, while here I am in berkeley loaded with lotsa work once again =P ok not that I have been doign a lot of work for the past two weeks, but i know that work will pile up really quickly before I know it... so... well guess i shall be optimistic and believe that work can stimulate my brain and prevent deterioration of writing skills... hmm. ok nmind quite random. nothing interesting happening in my life and i didnt get the tang centre volunteer thing but i finally got into my econ 182 class and now i officially have 20 units... dunno if i should drop cos econ 182 isn't exactly the most interesting class, plus it is at an unearthly hour and has the second last exam group.... nmind shall hang in there for the time being.....