my skin test bump seems to be growing bigger by the day. and it's achy... i'm going to die of TB...
anyway i am so confused i dunno what it means. back in p6, i would have jumped with joy cos means dun hav to take BCG... but i didn't anyways. just that bump seems even bigger now.. wonder why. am i carrier? or i have such high level of resistance? i dun really care haha. just glad that i still convinced nurse at Tang Center to declare me TB negative and so i'm medically cleared to volunteer... hehe.
i'm somewhat inspired by all the films i've been watching recently... it would be REALLY cool if one day i can make my own documentaries/ films and bring to the world issues that ought to be brought to their attention. or travel around the world taking snapshots of diff cultures/ diff aspects of ppl's lives i come across... do some form of photojournalism.... ya rite. if only... sigh i have so many "if onlies"....

Google is becoming somewhat omnipresent... so now not only is there Google Maps, Gmail, Google News and GoogleTalk, there's also Google Scholar, which has definitely made scholarly articles a lot more accessible for the general public! we can even browse content pages/ intros/chapters of more 'academic' books online... i wonder what's next?
and for ppl who wouldn't mind some free but decent entertainment on a Thursday evening, the Insitute of East Asian studies is gonna screen Zhang Yimou's Raise the Red Lantern at Wheeler at 7 pm tmr... =)

you know, sometimes actually i do feel a bit lonely. like though u have homework to do, readings to catch up on, but you just don't feel like doing them and even if you try to do them, you can't really concentrate. i wonder why this is the case. quite a few ppl have told me they feel the same way too and we wondered if it gets aggravated as we grow older...hmm better be cautious. correlation's not equal to causation! ha. hmm but i mean i'm not upset or anything... it's a self-imposed choice in a way....like i can go for random parties if i really wanted to rid myself of the occasional boredom, but it just seems really pointless. to be with people for the sake of having people around you... at the end of the day, do you feel less lonely? i don't think so.... i was just in Chinese class today and some classmates were like bitching about the readings among themselves in front of the prof (they were soft, but i'm sure they still could be heard!) if i really wanted someone to talk to i could jolly well have joined in, but i just thought it was rude to talk "behind someone's back"... esp right in front of the person some more! or compromising your own principles just to fit in... i feel like i've grown a lot more discerning or better at guessing ppl's characters... i also feel less pressured to speak up, cos i feel like i'm better at deciding whether ppl are saying smart or stupid things and not like a lot of ppl say a lot of smart things anyway... but of course i'm not going to say something for the sake of saying something lah. just when i feel like i have something useful to contribute...
i also feel that the stage of your life you do things really affect your experiences and things u take away from doing whatever.... cos in History class, prof was just talking about Ba Jin's novel- Jia1... which i read in sec sch... i was now learning its contents under a very different context and i totally felt like i wasted all my time reading the book when i was in sec sch... i totally treated it as a normal novel and prob didn't appreciate any of the important themes and issues raised in the book...
hmmm sorry for such a long-winded entry. blogging really does make a difference for me, esp when i have so many thoughts i want to vocalize but dunno who to tell... =P there's perhaps no better audience than friends who frequent this blog and derive some form of utility (i hope!) from sharing my thoughts? =)

coincidentally, the two films i watched in the past 3 days revolve around the theme of educating prostitutes' kids... Born into brothels was about how an American photographer tried very hard to help some students in her photography class (kids of women who worked in Calcutta's red light district) get a decent education... and The Goddess or Shen2nu3 (a1934 silent movie starring Chinese actress Ruan Ling-yu) was about how this prostitute tried very hard to give her only child a decent education, only to be mocked by peers prejudiced against her (and in turn her son too) due to her lowly and supposedly degenerate occupation... it just makes me sad.. how sometimes to a very large extent our subsequent paths in life are dictated by our family backgrounds... the types of families we were born into... while there are definitely cases of ppl who manage to succeed etc; how many unheard, unseen individuals are there, who work hard all their lives but still don't manage to overcome the 'natural' disadvantages they started with?

One fine day






i love the sky. and whose bei4 ying3s do we have here?







this is actually a failed picture. tried to take macro then not clear cos wind was blowing rather strongly... and gives absolutely no info on anything! ha. but i still kinda like it.
and so today instead of being sociable at Berkeley Marina i 'ran away' and attempted to experiment more with my new digicam... er unfortunately most of them turned out looking too random. =P