recently i've actually had a few ppl telling me that i seem happier and a teeny bit more self-confident... and i do think so myself too... it's not that suddenly good things have been happening to me; nor did i suddenly turn smart; pretty or whatever (ha, of course i wish i did, but these really aren't the most impt things in life) but i guess i've gradually changed my mindset... well. i guess there are always things that i wish would happen but never will, things i'm dissatisfied about; but ultimately there's nothing in my life that i should be seriously upset about... so why not just treasure everything i do have. not everyone gets to come to Berkeley for college... not everyone gets chance to make some really good friends in college... guess the list can just go on.
and i'm going to try harder... and hopefully write a good PEIS thesis this sem too... well, my only fellow classmate in H195 seminar has done most of his work and has even collected all his data... and i really do feel threatened cos everything for me is still pretty much up in the air, but instead of sitting at home and fretting at least i'm trying... i borrowed all these books and shall force myself to piece up something decent to talk about next class... and while my UCDC paper really wasn't fantastic, at least it made me read up more about my area of interest last sem..and it helps that i have a lot of time to myself this sem. i'm starting to feel like i can be alone for the most part, but perhaps not lonely. perhaps also good that i wun hav much free time to worry too much either =)

yay Berkeley's screening Born into Brothels at Wheeler next fri!

so i had my own taste of Ken Chay's lectures today.... he prob spent like half the time digressing from lecture stuff lah; but it was kinda interesting and amusing, from hearing him shoot down (not so subtly) an economist XXX (quote: winner of the John Bates Clark Medal, who recently published a BS bestseller) to presenting Gwyneth Paltrow's Sliding Doors plot as an example of a 'counterfactual'..... i guess i would have bits of trivia presented to me every tues and thurs from now on... =P
and i really enjoyed my History lecture today... i also don't understand why... the stuff is really interesting. i dun really understand why i can get excited over individuals trying to reform China in the early 1900s...factions within the imperial court... how Cixi usurped power... but i really did. it's just fascinating... i mean i prob wun remb this 10 yrs from now (or even 2? cos i'm so forgetful) but i just really enjoyed learning about them.. but 10 thick books in 15 weeks??
and so we were discussing famous Chinese sociologist Fei Xiaotong's text about xiang1 in Chinese class, as in like countryside... one of the characteristics being that ppl had tendency to settle down in little clusters and stayed in these communities (usually) throughout their lives... and as such there's this sense of familiarity and there's actually no need for the rule of law.. cos there's like this mutual trust among individuals.. whereas in the cities, ppl are usually strangers and we have to come up with all these rules/laws to ensure ppl keep their word etc.... and i was just thinking it's actually pretty true... (but i guess laws are also in place to make things more organized, more orderly....) then in the evening, i got a surprise cos something similar actually happened, though we're not exactly in any kind of rural area... picked up my long coats from laundry place on University and found that i had no cash to pay the auntie, and she actually let me take my coats home without paying... she was like... you can pay me when you drop by the next few days... i was just so touched... well, i've only been there once like last year, yet she trusted me so much... i'll be so totally guilt-stricken if this thing slips my mind and i forget to go pay her by this weekend...

today was a long hungry day... actually wanted to go from 930-630 with no break in between but i gave up and didn't sit in the 330-500 lecture. and was nodding off in my 5-630 lecture...(on 2nd day of class! typical me, some ppl would say...) but of course schedule's not confirmed yet. so no hungry tues and thurs yet =P
my most interesting classes were my two chapalang classes. i'm actually going to read stuff in Chinese for once! and will get to watch films and read authors like Lu Xun and Zhang Ai Ling... hope doing readings in Chinese wun take me ages. for History 116d i actually got a shock when i entered the room, cos i somehow thought my lecturer was supposed to be a guy, but was greeted instead by this taitai-looking middle-aged Chinese lady with a slight fobbish accent.. she was a lil long-winded initially, but eventually delivered a pretty decent first lecture. so hopes are still high =) only afraid that after 3 lectures in a row i might be a bit too braindead to absorb what she has to offer each time.

though it got a little draggy at times, i think Beautiful Life's one of the most romantic dramas of its kind. not many shows can actually make you feel like the couple's really in love. but then again i prob haven't watched enough dramas to make any sound conclusion... but i thought i could really feel the chemistry between Shuji and Kyoko... sad show, but really liked most of the characters in it.
then again, 'love' is so subjective. but no matter what kind of love, i believe it's something that comes really naturally/subconsciously... like caring about someone "involuntarily". not easily controllable. will miss. mmm..purely wanting someone to be happy? not intentionally seeking reciprocation. aiyah but of course, who doesn't like reciprocation. humans are feeling creatures after all... nmind... just rambling =P

To the lighthouse

it was such a beautiful day today... and it so happened that sumei and i decided to go check out the Marin Headlands near Sausalito this afternoon... i seriously LOVE the weather here. hmm anyway this lighthouse's at Point Bonita (haha name tickles me cos it brings back some silly but fond memories) the view wasn't GREAT, but nice nonetheless. and the drive up there was just so soothing, esp when it was still a little cloudy in the distance and i felt like i was driving into a sea of clouds! Feel like i want to check out a new place every weekend... what have i been doing the past 3 years??? either stoning in front of my computer or hanging out in libraries?? definitely aim to visit more places around the Bay area this year... and improve driving skills...=) Sch's starting in a day's time. am actually pretty excited about some of my classes. but feel like i'm morphing into such a chapalang major, cos i'm really looking forward to my Chinese 159 and History 116d classes! of course, look forward to taking Econ 181 too... =)

Point Bonita, Marin Headlands