just wrote a paper analysing this Chinese film in which fate seemed to be the ultimate determinant of one's lot... and argued for it so much that i suddenly am led to believe that it really is true. some things just aren't fated to be.... and no matter how well things are going, everything can just disappear overnight. well but of course we should prob attribute say a 5% chance to fate. but always bearing in mind the small possibility... and i guess it's also good to designate say 20-25% to variation of innate characteristics/abilities across individuals... then remaining 70% or so bear in mind we have the ability to change... if the former two percentages are too high it's probably rather tempting to grow lazy or gradually lose control of our lives/lose motivation...

actually feel quite lost and tired and am freaking out as propspectus deadline draws near. but will try hard not to give up... sigh it's not like i haven't been working on it; i think i have been counting too much on what resources other ppl can provide me with; or reading papers with studies too complex for me to undertake and really not spending a lot of time on thinking over what I can undertake nor spending enough time thus far to hunt for data available for that purpose. sigh. i really am not very good at this...

hmm on a lighter note, i finally have enough miles to redeem a flight to Europe! and encountered the most amusing Mileage Plus representative ever; esp when he ended the conversation with something like this "we're open 24 hours; we don't sleep you know, faster that way" or something in his thick Hong Kong accent (or something similar), i really felt like cracking up but had to suppress laughter cos it was obviously quite rude... and he really tried to be as helpful as possible.... i really have nothing against ppl with Hong Kong accents, nor do i want to intentionally ridicule ppl with HK accents, but cos usually these reps speak with either Indian or American accents it was just kinda funny cos i felt like i was talking to some elderly, fatherly Asian person... and at times he did seem to display such mannerisms too... like gently reminding me what i ought to do, what i ought not to do... and getting 'audibly' irritated that i didn't seem to understand certain letters he tried to pronounce when giving me the reservation code( i really tried... and was quite embarrassed too that i took a long time to get F for France.. i kept saying... S for Swank? till he was F for France, F for Friend! etc etc.... bleah)

ps: actually i'm to blame too lah. my brain prob wasn't working properly... who thinks of S for swank?!! =P

am confronted by numerous deadlines and readings this week and i'm not in good shape... it seems to always be the case that when i have the most work i am also not in the most studious of moods...
nor the most awake of persons ha. (if there's such a phrase) but despite being not very on task, i feel extremely human.

the little fella turns 4

it's a challenge to get kids to keep still and so i can never get a good picture of Kai... and so the usually handsome him turned a little double-chinned jumping up and down in this picture... anyway, i got him the Cal hoodie he's wearing! =P

i did a lot less work this weekend than what i had planned to thus far... but an evening out with good company and a night wasted online yesterday made me really happy... if only everyday were like that... sigh, i seriously have self-control problems.