self reflection
i was told some time last week that i always seem to be in my own world.. so self-absorbed into it that i sometimes dun really realize that i'm not exactly really connecting with other ppl. hmm it's actually true to an extent. last sem, one visitor to our house actually named me 'cavewoman' cos i would talk to them but then after a short while feel the need to go back to my own room and just be alone.... i wonder why i'm like that. not that i'm excessively upset with myself or anything and it's true huh. i dun actively realize it. i prob talk so much more to myself than to other ppl, considering how i have been diligently blogging this past few months...actually i cannot really imagine myself saying all that i say on my blog to other ppl... maybe i feel that ppl aren't really that interested in what i have to say and i would rather be passive. when things are there for ppl to read, they can choose whether they want to know more about my life? but then again it's like expecting ppl to take the initiative to know you.. aiyah. dunno lah.
and i've also been thinking about my parents.. how every holiday i would think where should i travel to? what should i do to occupy my summer. the last thing on my mind these days would be to go home, cos like i think i would be confronted with boredom... and i never really think of it as going back to spend time with my family.. with my parents. i never really thought about how much they would like to have me back... not like we would really do anything, but my presence would just probably be enough. and i think i alwyas think, i only have 4 years abroad.. i should take the chance to travel and see as much as i want.. i can alwyas spend time with my parents after i graduate... cos i would be 'stuck' in sg... but then does it really justify me being less concerned about spending time with them during winter/summer holidays? would i do that to my friends? would i say... oh.. i know i will be able to see you in 2 years' time, so there's no point in us hanging out together now... perhaps i should treat everyone more equally.. should i just focus on the present and not the future that much? like appreciate whomever i have right now and give everyone the attention they deserve as my friend/family/ wherever they are, regardless of what's going to happen in future? i think that should be my philosophy in life from now on.... sounds too ambitious and too 'orderly' an attitude towards something so amorphous like human relationships huh.