you know, sometimes actually i do feel a bit lonely. like though u have homework to do, readings to catch up on, but you just don't feel like doing them and even if you try to do them, you can't really concentrate. i wonder why this is the case. quite a few ppl have told me they feel the same way too and we wondered if it gets aggravated as we grow older...hmm better be cautious. correlation's not equal to causation! ha. hmm but i mean i'm not upset or anything... it's a self-imposed choice in a way....like i can go for random parties if i really wanted to rid myself of the occasional boredom, but it just seems really pointless. to be with people for the sake of having people around you... at the end of the day, do you feel less lonely? i don't think so.... i was just in Chinese class today and some classmates were like bitching about the readings among themselves in front of the prof (they were soft, but i'm sure they still could be heard!) if i really wanted someone to talk to i could jolly well have joined in, but i just thought it was rude to talk "behind someone's back"... esp right in front of the person some more! or compromising your own principles just to fit in... i feel like i've grown a lot more discerning or better at guessing ppl's characters... i also feel less pressured to speak up, cos i feel like i'm better at deciding whether ppl are saying smart or stupid things and not like a lot of ppl say a lot of smart things anyway... but of course i'm not going to say something for the sake of saying something lah. just when i feel like i have something useful to contribute...
i also feel that the stage of your life you do things really affect your experiences and things u take away from doing whatever.... cos in History class, prof was just talking about Ba Jin's novel- Jia1... which i read in sec sch... i was now learning its contents under a very different context and i totally felt like i wasted all my time reading the book when i was in sec sch... i totally treated it as a normal novel and prob didn't appreciate any of the important themes and issues raised in the book...
hmmm sorry for such a long-winded entry. blogging really does make a difference for me, esp when i have so many thoughts i want to vocalize but dunno who to tell... =P there's perhaps no better audience than friends who frequent this blog and derive some form of utility (i hope!) from sharing my thoughts? =)