decided since i'm gonna embark on paper-writing marathon from about now till 4pm tmr... what's 200 words or so about a random blog-worthy incident this morning? =P

today's the last day of class... was in 142 lect when a fair-skinned jap/korean-looking lady stepped in and started shooting Ken Chay lecturing, with her digicam... didn't even notice her till KC announced, "oh, that's my wife".... then for like 1 min or so after he seemed a little nervous and couldn't really continue lecturing (with her standing there silently taking his pics....) haha. thought quite sweet though like quite weird too... well she left after 3 min or so but it was funny witnessing KC's "weak moment" after getting so used to him being always all-confident.... he's one lecturer who doesn't even get the least bit uneasy when bad-mouthing some of the most accomplished individuals around (good-humoredly, of course)

i think it takes some skill to be a good GSI and my 142 GSI is pretty cool-- cos he really tries to be 'fair' to be everyone.. he ensures that everyone who turns up gets to ask his/her question and lets ppl take turns... and what made me pretty impressed was that he could read my cues.. like he could tell when i didn't seem to understand and then double-checked to make sure i did... =P (not just this time round; at previous office hours too...) oh well, unless whenever i am confused it's so obvious that he picks it up straight away? haha. alright, back to studying for midterm in evening.

it really struck me today, after listening to a presentation on online advertising in China (touted as the next big market blah blah) that the way a presenter chooses to present the material to his/her audience can really skew the "receiver's" consequent view of a particular issue.... ( i doubt she did it intentionally but it somehow turned out that way in my opinion) esp for an unsuspecting person, and esp if he/she happens to possess no prior knowledge of whatever he/she's are told... i'm not claiming i know a lot about China though, nor that i'm critical about everything i'm told (on the contrary, there are plenty of instances of my gullibility, i have to admit....) sigh i guess i can't blame ppl wanting to invest to target big cities... maybe i get a little worked up whenever ppl seem to neglect the fact that the urban population makes up less than half of China's population.... just reminded me of how one can be made so "powerless" by being unknowledgeable and uninformed...

the rest of the week will be very rough cos things erm arent going that well... shall try to ban myself from blogging too... hopefully =P

i got home this evening to find christmas lights hanging outside the house. heard the bells hanging on the other side of the door upon entering, and found an undecorated christmas tree and a crackling fire at the fireplace in the living room.... and a whole bunch of ppl having dinner. the house had such a cosy and festive atmosphere.... a refreshing change from the probably si3 qi4 chen2 chen2 house i would prob return to if i were living with fellow Berk students stressing out over finals.... yet i felt oddly 'alone'... i dunno. somehow the house being so cosy and decked up for Christmas suddenly exacerbated such a feeling... not that i was made unhappy or anything, just really aware of them being a family and me being just me...

and i will be terribly terribly busy next week, with 4 things due and a midterm in the last week of class... and extremely worried.

if heaven were a single most treasured memory you'll relive for eternity, what would you choose? just watched this japanese film, afterlife, and was very drawn by this really kinda bizarre but interesting idea (i chanced upon it at the East Asian library when doing research and couldn't resist borrowing it... =P)

but what if I want to choose a "memory" I don't even have?

Sebastiao Salgado's pictures

This picture above comes with the following caption: The children must be weighed and measured in order to adjust their rations. In a nutritional center, Gourma Rarhous, Mali, 1985.


i really cannot prioritize =P am reading about this Brazilian economist-turned-photographer for our Chinese class tmr and got sent his website by our prof... and i couldn't help blogging about it... He takes such hauntingly beautiful but depressing pictures. Check out his other pictures

sad to say, i think i've reached the point in the semester whereby interest in every subject is starting to wane and i just want to get over everything... am looking forward to my holiday... bout 17 more days... unfortunately there are so many things due from now till next Fri!! aargh and a 142 midterm next Wed! sigh i fear the worst for my GPA.

a series of unfortunate incidents

just when i got up early enough to drive down to Honda for an oil change, i see a sign "open tues-saturdays" upon pulling up at the service window... (when its normal service reception opens on Mondays too) Yesterday, when deciding to reread the history response paper i turned in on Monday night, i discovered to my HORROR that it was nowhere to be found and the file i saved it under turned out to be an incomplete (2 out of 4 pgs!) file... and that i actually sent my GSI that incomplete file... really dunno what happened cos i distinctly remembered saving the final copy... so had to rewrite bits of it to turn it in again and prob will suffer some penalty from turning it in late now. =( aargh. and my wisdom tooth also chose the best moment to start aching... and i might have to extract all 4 of them before finals, esp if the evil one tooth continues to give me trouble. why why why...
ok the first i only hav myself to blame; cos i checked the opening hours some time ago and didn't recall them taking Mondays off and so didn't bother double checking again before driving up. and it's not a big thing lah-- it isn't that far. second incident... i dunno why i was so careless... i REALLY did save it.. why screwed up on me i have no clue =( and i'm upset cos i really spent so time on it to make it good...hmm as for my tooth, perhaps all the crap and sweet stuff i ate over Thanksgiving weekend made it overworked so it's now complaining and punishing me... sigh whatever. i need those cute chocolate band aids they sell at Fisherman's wharf for life's "boo boos"....

hmmm. dun really know where to start but that Courtney's family was really kind and hospitable and despite being a first-time visitor, i really felt comfortable and at-home =) Disneyland was fun, shopping today was enjoyable (when is shopping ever a horrible let-down =P) but baffling as it might sound, my favorite day was the first day, spent at home most of the time, baking, having dinner and just chilling out... having a pseudo-family for a day... =P nevermind how many calories i put on these past 3 days.... i shall (hopefully) shed everything over the next 3 weeks or so stressing out. it was a minor tragedy though that the careless me brought the faulty converter for my camera battery charger and batt went flat on first day... so... anyhow, still hav a few pics to share!

our grand creation

front and back of our gingerbread house! the gingerbread house kit from target was initially for Courtney and I to 'play' with, but we ended up getting almost the whole family involved! it was extremely funny how when the Dad decided to make his small contribution, he unfortunately 'tore down' the whole house and got a mini scolding for it...everything was fine in the end though. it's supposed to contain a total of 53 servings of 120 calories each... but considering how we added all the additional m&ms, marshmallows and what not. i shall not even venture a guess =P anyway, it's not meant to be eaten...though i totally had the intention to do so before we started...
yes, it's me with a stroller again... but with a most unusual passenger-- it's a cat stroller! i''ve never seen any family that loves cats this much... out of the 4 cats in the house, 1 was extremely affectionate and friendly, 2 were moderately afraid and the white furry/fluffy one (and most comical-looking too, cos its face made him look as if he were perpetually in shock or something) was extremely wary of me... so ya, didn't get to hug him even though he looked the most cuddly.

hmm what else? guess shopping today (esp during the holiday seasons when there are so many nice things to buy) just made me realize that even though getting rich definitely isn't one of the big priorities in my life, money can make buy you so many lovely things and when i saw things i really liked, i did wish i were rich =P while not all expensive things are good/chio...(in fact, some can be extremely ugly) it also happens to be true that chio things are often expensive... but ya, i guess even if i did become really rich, i still cannot bear to be too extravagant...

today i baked..... a french apple tart, choc chip cookies and decorated a gingerbread house... had a rich but delicious dinner and strawberry jello cream cheese dessert.... AND... am gonna have a piece of tart and pumpkin pie and ice cream for dessert in a while.... how many calories!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

this shall be my first (but also last) truly American Thanksgiving here, cos i'm gonna head down to LA tmr morning to stay with my UCDC roommate (and her family... and her cats!) till Saturday =) and am going to go to Disneyland for the first time ever (so suaku right haha) and of course, will get to see Courtney again. kinda miss her actually, though i'm also reminded of the occasional 'harrassment' i received throughout the semester... =P sigh, it's actually a break i can ill afford, but perhaps really do deserve and really need. i shall toss away everything's that bothering me for 3 days... hopefully.

though i've tried quite hard this sem to not get upset too easily, i sometimes feel like my self-comforting mechanism gets overused... and breaks down from time to time. and sometimes at the most untimely moments, too. yet i prob only have myself to blame that i also wun want to cry on any available shoulder kind souls might be willing to offer...

"You visit illegal websites"

sitting in VLSB and just finished most of my history response paper. and just got this seemingly intimidating email with the above title. it's obviously some kinda virus email, but perhaps i'm exceptionally wacky after 2.5 hrs of writing or so and decided to look more closely at this virus email...
ok so the sender is "Department@fbi.gov" and so just these two bits of info made me 10% scared when i first got it. but as i thought a little more about it, it seems almost laughable that they think their recipients would fall for their ploy. Firstly, if i really committed some crime visiting "more than 30 illegal websites" why would FBI care about such petty crimes and why would i be so 'easily let off' by answering the questionnaire they attached with the email? Secondly, Department@fbi.gov actually makes little sense.... so vague, so many depts... highly unlikely that any or every dept's gonna give a damn (i dun usually use such phrases, but just for the sake of flow for this sentence =P) whether you surf illegal websites? What's interesting though is that they included a Washington DC address and phone number... i wonder how authentic that is. but aiyah what i mean to say is that if you invest so much energy creating some lethal virus, at least invest more time in making it sound authentic right? else waste so much energy and no one gets the virus cos it seems like a horrible joke....

alright i'm officially bo liao. i should take a break and go for lunch..... =P

i just spent most of the weekend trying to learn about 2 decades of Chinese history in order to piece together yet another history response paper... though eyes feel extremely strained, i feel extremely happy and def less ignorant about 2 of the most interesting decades in twentieth-century China... and if anything, it also made me realize the havoc bad government policies can wreak... though consequences were mostly unintended. and i dunno, i think i really have a 'soft spot' for good English... i also liked the book partially because the writer writes really well... =P hopefully one day i can unabashedly say that about myself...
i'm really spending a disproportionate amount of time on my history class... but i also feel like in history i learn a lot more on my own. these days lectures have somehwhat deteriorated into watching documentaries in class and everything i've learnt recently about the Mao era i picked up from the readings assigned... whereas for things like Econ, i really do learn most of the stuff in class; somehow i cannot imagine myself spending hours and hours reading up on free trade agreements etc haha. i dunno, for history i really process a lot of things on my own whereas for Econ it's more passive; i'm told a lot of things but haven't spent that much time thinking over deeper stuff on my own.... i'm such a bad Econ student =P

my previous post led me to think randomly about religion; it seems like ppl who are religious set the percentage for 'fate' (or in this case, their faith?) at a pretty high level? not to be offensive to anyone, but i just don't see how one can live thinking your whole live is planned out by some 'higher being'... well maybe i have some fundamental misconception about religions cos i don't really care much for it at this point and consequently never bothered to really delve into it; but you know, it really beats me how some ppl can be SO religious.... it becomes kinda freaky.

on the other hand, even though i believe that perhaps 5-10% of stuff you attribute to fate, isn't it so sad that you just can't change that 5-10% of the things you wish you could change and you're just powerless to influence... but i guess it's a really bad idea to get really sore and upset over that 5% of stuff though it's so tempting to. such is life. =( and then there are things lurking out there, out of that 5-10% that you don't know exist that will one day turn your life upside down... and cos we don't constantly think about that we think it doesn't exist.... alright, i'm getting carried away.

just wrote a paper analysing this Chinese film in which fate seemed to be the ultimate determinant of one's lot... and argued for it so much that i suddenly am led to believe that it really is true. some things just aren't fated to be.... and no matter how well things are going, everything can just disappear overnight. well but of course we should prob attribute say a 5% chance to fate. but always bearing in mind the small possibility... and i guess it's also good to designate say 20-25% to variation of innate characteristics/abilities across individuals... then remaining 70% or so bear in mind we have the ability to change... if the former two percentages are too high it's probably rather tempting to grow lazy or gradually lose control of our lives/lose motivation...

actually feel quite lost and tired and am freaking out as propspectus deadline draws near. but will try hard not to give up... sigh it's not like i haven't been working on it; i think i have been counting too much on what resources other ppl can provide me with; or reading papers with studies too complex for me to undertake and really not spending a lot of time on thinking over what I can undertake nor spending enough time thus far to hunt for data available for that purpose. sigh. i really am not very good at this...

hmm on a lighter note, i finally have enough miles to redeem a flight to Europe! and encountered the most amusing Mileage Plus representative ever; esp when he ended the conversation with something like this "we're open 24 hours; we don't sleep you know, faster that way" or something in his thick Hong Kong accent (or something similar), i really felt like cracking up but had to suppress laughter cos it was obviously quite rude... and he really tried to be as helpful as possible.... i really have nothing against ppl with Hong Kong accents, nor do i want to intentionally ridicule ppl with HK accents, but cos usually these reps speak with either Indian or American accents it was just kinda funny cos i felt like i was talking to some elderly, fatherly Asian person... and at times he did seem to display such mannerisms too... like gently reminding me what i ought to do, what i ought not to do... and getting 'audibly' irritated that i didn't seem to understand certain letters he tried to pronounce when giving me the reservation code( i really tried... and was quite embarrassed too that i took a long time to get F for France.. i kept saying... S for Swank? till he was F for France, F for Friend! etc etc.... bleah)

ps: actually i'm to blame too lah. my brain prob wasn't working properly... who thinks of S for swank?!! =P

am confronted by numerous deadlines and readings this week and i'm not in good shape... it seems to always be the case that when i have the most work i am also not in the most studious of moods...
nor the most awake of persons ha. (if there's such a phrase) but despite being not very on task, i feel extremely human.

the little fella turns 4

it's a challenge to get kids to keep still and so i can never get a good picture of Kai... and so the usually handsome him turned a little double-chinned jumping up and down in this picture... anyway, i got him the Cal hoodie he's wearing! =P

i did a lot less work this weekend than what i had planned to thus far... but an evening out with good company and a night wasted online yesterday made me really happy... if only everyday were like that... sigh, i seriously have self-control problems.

2nd babysitting experience today....

Shi Min: hey you want to go out for a stroll?
Kai: yeah.... i need exercise...... let's take the stroller!
Shi Min: (in questioning tone) the stroller..?! can't you walk?
Kai: nah.... (hmm whatever happened to acknowledgment that he should exercise...)
and so it ends up that the guy who wanted to 'exercise' sits comfortably in stroller i spent ages trying to open, while Shi Min wheels him around neighborhood for a while, at times giving in to his whims (eg. hey let's go fast down this ramp!) and naturally, ends up getting ALL the exercise... even though at times he tried to trick me into going to get candy (hey... why don't we go to the gas station?) certain things he says are just so cute it's just so funny =P

somehow, while watching pride and prejudice today, i also couldn't help noticing all the high-waist long dresses the girls were wearing, esp those Keira was wearing... they actually look kinda plain, but at times they really do look just so simple and elegant... then bunch up hair with tiny white pearls in head... aaah so sweet. hmm but of course you hav to hav the right figure, the right looks etc etc..... else might turn out looking er.. rather odd i guess. =P