very girlish for the moment and went shopping with mum and tried on like many many dresses.. haha. but sadly the one i like are too small and those i dun are too big. so came home with none... and disappointed my mum by rejecting those that she thought looked nice on me... =P
this week i did something that mustered so much courage... and i dun regret... and hopefully i will be happier and more confident in future... am trying really hard to not care about what other ppl think of me... i really really hope i will be happy next sem and not get depressed over little things once again.
i got pretty inspired by my attachment project to learn applied econometrics... just that it really is pretty difficult to learn it on my own. looked up spring schedule of classes for 04(by mistake actually) and realized that there was c142, which i would definitely sign up for if it were available next sem.. sadly no. so regretful that i dind't take econometrics earlier... realize that it really is an essential tool for doing research in econ... wonder also if i should go take h195a this year instead of next, and try to write two honors theses?? but might be too ambitious. hmmm dunno, still kinda confused. but somehow, i am beginning to understand how so many ppl can do research in econ....
oh and the amazing race is returning to channel 5 next week!! yay.

Pelagia's Lament

am a little crazy over Captain Corelli's Mandolin still.... haven't come across any author who can produce such a hilarious, witty yet at times really sad and touching stories for a while... Louis De Bernieres is my fav author for the month! haha not that i read novels... prob like once a year.
anyway, would like to share part of a beautiful yet heartbreaking passage i read today... when Pelagia's father got killed by an earthquake

...I (Pelagia) cradled his bloodied head in my hands and saw that his eyes were empty. His old eyes, looking not on me but on the hidden world beyond. And I thought then for the first time how small and frail he was, how beaten and betrayed, and I realised that without his soul he was so light and thin that even I could lift him. And I raised up his body and clasped his head in my breast, and a great cry came out that must have been mine, and I saw as clearly as one sees a mountain that he was the only man I've loved who loved me to the end, and never bruised my heart, and never for a single moment failed me.

but i guess one must read the book to really appreciate the passage... but nonetheless, this is my weak attempt to justify my liking for this book, in case some ppl are really bewildered why i keep ranting on and on about it... =P
on other hand, i felt rather neglected today that my 'mentor' is so busy and doen'st even have time to look through what i drafted and as the moment i am kinda stuck

today i actually felt a little productive at work. drew up some framework for my project, but really have no idea if it will work out. shall type it out nicely tomorrow and show it to my supervisor and see what she says. my email (only source of communication) was down today and so i was totally disconnected. hope the technicians will be kind enough to repair or fix whatever went wrong... else i can't even send emails to my colleagues.. =(
went to toa payoh ntuc after lunch and got myself some jap titbits! haha so as to prevent myself from marching over to HDB nexus to get m & ms... bought this star-shaped rice cracker snack.... so all these crackers are individually packaged, two crackers in one and the transparent packaging has like different faces and expressions printed on them so the star crackers inside get different expressions. really cute. then my colleague gave me some wasabe (how to spell?) peas/nuts and some other rice cracker... haha i have a corner for snacks now. and adjacent to my snacks is this tissue box cover in the form of some white dog character from sanrio... ppl who drop by must think i am still reminiscent of sec sch or something.
and i and still enjoying my captain corelli's mandolin. on page 350 something today. and on the mrt this morning i read the most touching and heartwrenching parts and tears really welled in my eyes. this will definitely come under my list of favorite books though i havn'et finished it... and i bought the vcd yest from HMV! sale so it was only $9.95... shall savour it during the weekend when i hav the time...

i was really really upset last night... but good thing had dear jacqui and jing to talk to so i am fine now =) terrible me always gets too emotional.
spent an unproductive day at office this morning... and it is really unhealthy that i sit at my desk all day long usually, 5 days a week... even unhealthier that when i feel myself falling asleep i look for my wallet and march to the HDB nexus to get snacks to munch on!! decided that M and Ms are efficient image-destroying, fat-generating snacks so switched to pocky... haha not that they are veyr healthy. shall quit this habit altogether...
been trying to look for a new laptop.. and i fell in love with the hp pavilion zt3000 series... nice silver with bluish tinge and very thin sleek design... just dunno if it is that reliable. toshiba is too ex and not very pretty. fujitsu is pretty but out of budget...everyone recommends IBM for performance but sadly they need a lot more work on their design. ok me getting carried away, not that i know how to design exteriors of laptops. maybe when i get a new laptop i can stop using my sis's laptop and connect to the internet using my own laptop and transfer all my pictures... i want to add a new tagboard on my blog... but tagboard page i used to frequent seems to have disappeared.. =( maybe some other time...

watched the first episode of the apprentice which is now showing in sg.... reminds me of the time when i was following the amazing race... though the tension is not as great i suppose...
work is fine i suppose, and pretty different from my life in the US! mainly because i am with a very different group of ppl... for the past two weeks i have been lunching with a bunch of fairly young officers, many of them newly wed (surprisingly) and the issues they talk about are of course very different from things i am used to in berkeley... u hear ppl talking about their husbands or wives... ppl talking about their kids...once one colleague gave a promotional treat in the meeting room and that was when i heard young mothers talking about their kids... one mother was especially horrified when her child came back one day and started imitating william hung and his famous she bangs performance, complete with actions....
have been attempting to read up on time series, since i am supposed to do some demand forecasting... but i am not veyr successful, having gone twice during work to the lil cafe connecting HDB hub to get M and Ms... which on both occasions i greedily devoured within like half an hour of purchase... hope i will be more productive the next few days..

haven't been blogging for some time, shall just drop a note for those ppl who still visit occasionally ;P
last week: developed my LA and europe pictures, watched harry potter with cat shu and toot toot, went to PDO yesterday and discovered to my horror (ok not really lah i suppose) that my primary sch fren is coming as an incoming freshman next year.... cannot believe why so qiao... tried to read my captain corelli's mandolin in the mornings whenever i secure a seat on the mrt train on the way to work, when i am not too sleepy from having not slept enough the previous night...surprisingly it is an entertaining and highly enjoyable read, though poignant at times cos it talks about war as well...
work is still pretty relaxing cos i haven't really been assigned what i am supposed to i guess, though i fear that once i am assigned my job i might not be able to deal with it properly... it's gonna be some econometrics model thing.. and considering how i hav only taken one econometrics class and dind't exactly do well for it... good luck to me
also somewhat upset the whole of last week as well, cos i was mo ming qi miaoly ignored by someone who refuses to tell me what on earth went wrong... and how am i supposed to apologize or correct whatever that's wrong when i dun even know what went wrong... =( i am not even given a chance... now i dun even know how serious whatever is wrong is and i can't do anything about it...

sweltering hot in singapore... and so sticky all the time!! haha ok complain complain... went shopping for working clothes today.. starting work tmr morning.. feel a little jittery but look forward to it in a way as well.
thought that i would hav the time and energy to sit down and slowly pick out snippets of my europe trip to write about.. but sadly i have been going out the past few days in a frantic attempt to find working attire...what else hav i been up to? nothing much i guess; tried to get a haircut just now but sadly when i reached the salon it was like closing in 5 min... watched some tv... quite irritatied with my internet at home, cos it's so erractic and keeps disconnecting itself.. so unlike my smooth connection back in berkeley.. miss it.. and i can't use my laptop... hav to go hunting for a new laptop some day too.... cos my old one is really going mad..
guess i had better sleep early.. hav to get up real early to ensure that i wun be late on my first day of work... plus sis complaining that i bugging the comp =P

am back in london, flying tmr morning, watching harry potter 3 later in 2 hours' time, waiting for cat and her bf to cook dinner for us... strangely idle and useless and kinda bored so decided to attempt to reflect on my 2 week europe trip... but am not sure where i should begin though. it has been very pleasurable definitely, being able to visit 4 countries in the short span of 2 weeks. i dun really think i can really decide which was my favorite place... i guess i cannot really compare because in diff places the culture was different, atmosphere was diff etc and they were all unique in their own way.
i guess travelling is also a way of self-discovery, it's about finding out how grouchy a person i can become when i am worn out from walking all day, about how complainy i become when i had to lug my 15 kg luggage up and down subway station steps and strange campsites =P about how i am actually so picky about showers having distributed water streams that dun wash my hair properly. it's also about having to compromise and not mind being dirty... haha when hostels have hot water that make ur skin red that make it impossible to shower or when there is just no time to shower... or when u take overnight sleeper trains to get from a city to another...
it would have been good and more educational also if i had the time to do more research on the places i actually visited. but it did help that all these places had shops equipped with tourist handbooks and maps from which we copied locations of tourist attractions onto our own pathetic free maps...
travelling in europe was also a small pain in that most of the food available was somewhat starchy and fattening...no yummy cheap chinese food. but italy was pretty pleasant as we managed to find relatively affordable chinese cuisine and signs to chinese restaurants never failed to light up our eyes and make our stomachs growl...

somehow after my LA and Europe trips, i became a lot more aware that i can be easily stressed and upset... contrary to many pple's expectations. =) but i guess that just makes me normal. i think it's just that i dun hav outbursts of anger... or i seldom get highly 'bu shuang' with ppl... but i think i can get moody too. esp when i am tired.. =P

oops ok hav to hav dinner now.. shall continue next time..

am back in london, flying tmr morning, watching harry potter 3 later in 2 hours' time, waiting for cat and her bf to cook dinner for us... strangely idle and useless and kinda bored so decided to attempt to reflect on my 2 week europe trip... but am not sure where i should begin though. it has been very pleasurable definitely, being able to visit 4 countries in the short span of 2 weeks. i dun really think i can really decide which was my favorite place... i guess i cannot really compare because in diff places the culture was different, atmosphere was diff etc and they were all unique in their own way.
i guess travelling is also a way of self-discovery, it's about finding out how grouchy a person i can become when i am worn out from walking all day, about how complainy i become when i had to lug my 15 kg luggage up and down subway station steps and strange campsites =P about how i am actually so picky about showers having distributed water streams that dun wash my hair properly. it's also about having to compromise and not mind being dirty... haha when hostels have hot water that make ur skin red that make it impossible to shower or when there is just no time to shower... or when u take overnight sleeper trains to get from a city to another...
it would have been good and more educational also if i had the time to do more research on the places i actually visited. but it did help that all these places had shops equipped with tourist handbooks and maps from which we copied locations of tourist attractions onto our own pathetic free maps...
travelling in europe was also a small pain in that most of the food available was somewhat starchy and fattening...no yummy cheap chinese food. but italy was pretty pleasant as we managed to find relatively affordable chinese cuisine and signs to chinese restaurants never failed to light up our eyes and make our stomachs growl...

somehow after my LA and Europe trips, i became a lot more aware that i can be easily stressed and upset... contrary to many pple's expectations. =) but i guess that just makes me normal. i think it's just that i dun hav outbursts of anger... or i seldom get highly 'bu shuang' with ppl... but i think i can get moody too. esp when i am tired.. =P

oops ok hav to hav dinner now.. shall continue next time..


oops think dinner will be

am at cambridge using ting's computer to do this!! =) past few days hav been really enjoyable meeting ppl in and around london... tmr shall mark the end of my europe trip and i will be flying back to SF and then SG on thursday for attachment... =(

am currently on a campsite on the outskirts of rome.... just had a freaking cold shower this morning cos although they claimed to hav hot showers there was no hot water... and it rained last night and i had water drip into the tent i was sleeping in... haha ok i sound really really pathetic. i guess its not that bad considering the price we are paying... went to the a few places in Rome yest... the colosseum is awesome! and there are fountains everywehre and majestic buildings sprinkled around the city... going to Vatican city later... =)

am at cat's place in london... london is quite pretty. taking eurostar to paris early tmr morning... but am so tired and worn out today... hope the rest of the trip will be good, and that i get enough sleep.... =)

back from LA trip and i think i got absolutely sick of driving! think we drove at least 700 miles in 4 days and it's seriously demoralizing to have people horn at you whenever u make lil mistakes when driving... or when u hesitate... no wonder ppl tell me it's really stressful driving in LA...
our trip was pretty cool though... i never really expected myself to be able to drive so much and get around without major glitches... though at times shu the navigator and I the driver felt like just moving to the backseats and just slack behind... but of course that was not possible..
it was cool that we actually got to meet ryan seacrest in person and we even took a picture with him! not that he is a big celebrity or anything, but it was still fun nonetheless...
getting lost and having to drive randomly around is NOT a fun thing...
now there's more 'in store' for me... the worry-warty me panicking for our europe trip cos NOTHING has been planned... and i really want to make this trip a good one... and am pretty excited now too actually... just a bit tired and spaced out... and my whole house is in a mess now.... my kitchen is veyr gross my own toilet is rather dirty... and new housemates just moved in... i htink i just bother myself with everything and make myself so stressed...
want to upload my LA pics but unfortunately card reader is not here... so i suppose can only do that when i get back to sg...

somehow i feel that i have learnt so much more about life in the past few days than i hav for the whole semester? i was just struck by how people are often not what they seem to be, that people hide things, that people are vulnerable and need frens... that people aren't perfect and it's the tolerance and forgiving that makes things work... that sometiems it might be a lot better to be open.... that you have to learn to accept urself for who you are, and not always yearn to be something u are not. and get upset over that....
and thanks to jeannice for highlighting the fact that people have differnt needs, and different friends fulfill different needs and thus every friend is nice in his/her own way...
somewhat strange that i am realizing all these in the middle of my finals, but it also made me realize that grades are but such a small part of your life...
but i just dun understand why it's so hard to let go of some things when they are obviously not doing me any good...

can't believe it's one week to the end of my finals... like exactly one week... and i hav so much so much to catch up on for econ 140!!
got joyce and jeannice from the airport yest... and the feeling was just great. being able to fetch ur frens from the airport, letting them hav glimpses into ur life... sharing you life here with them... the only sad thing is that this is all happening at the wrong time! if only i didn't hav finals.. i could bring them to many more places.... and i wouldn't get so stressed...
i really really look forward to my LA and Europe trips though. jsut that i am a little anxious since nothing is planned yet... =P esp for Europe...
i am also finally done with my R and C paper! felt that this was really soemthing i felt for, something i really worked hard for... i really really hope i can get an A for the class. Atonement is a great read... i myself am amazed by my paper topic... i never ever thought i would be able to write something like that on Atonement when i first picked up the book again for my eng class... =)
getting my Polisci take home final later on in class, more work on my hands!

yay! blogger website revamped and they added some nice new templates and the lazy me just clicked on one of them and 'revamped' my site too.... only sad thing is that the msg box disappeared and i will hav to get a subscription again... but like this template a lot.... but finals round the corner, so no time to do anything to it in the meantime. and i foresee it being like that for the next month at least... cos after finals will be crazy zipping off to LA and then Europe.... and then back to sg for attachment... but it would be cool if i do get the time to sit down and really personalize my blog one day.
jap finals tmr... still like only 1/3 done; jeannice and joyce coming tmr and i'm really excited.... the thought of fetching my frens from the airport...this is the first time i'm doing that! hope everything turns out fine. but am rather worried.... i dun think i will get a lot of studying done... but shall try my best ;P

i dun want to get bouts of depression but i still do. i try to not take things too personally but i dun really succeed...
i really need to be more disciplined and determined when doing things... really lack perseverance. =(
yest saw me trying to help my spring break group write out a page for our memory book.. i realize that it was actually pretty fun to write out captions for the pictures.... and all of a sudden i felt like i wanted to join some publication and like write articles... to give reviews on things etc... that woudl be quite cool. and can improve writing skills... jsut that i dun think i am good enough to critique anything though.... hmmm... if i can write really well one day it woudl be so cool....

hmmm my entry looks schizophrenic

baked egg tarts again finally today! =P but veyr bad, took up so much time... but i really coudnt write any more of my paper after working on it for like 3-4 hours straight...... well hope i can finish it tonight though. also was getting confused, dunno if i was being contradictory in my paper.... so... also realized that my major gpa was so so terrribly low!!! aargh. need some booster class... =(

it's so strange i have been going to jacqui's place practically everyday for the past 3 days..... and tues night saw a dodge stratus and a honda accord v6 coupe speeding down san pablo ave.... with an inexperienced female driver in each... i guess it wasn't a very safe thing to do.. haha but it was fun. for like 30 seconds...
i finally got down to clearing my kitchen yest afternoon.... and now its so much cleaner than before.... very proud of myself. just hope that it actually stays in this state for more than a week..... i duno. i think i am very inspired by the new house to do something to mine.... like i feel a little envious of the new house, but yet i think it is up to me to make my place a nicer one to live in..... shall plan to redecorate my room when i come back in summer =P
in the meantime, i feel so so doomed for econ 140!!! and finals are in around 2 weeks' time..... am looking forward to things after that, but in the meantime... hmm....

just came back from shiying jacqui sumei and evelyn's new place... it is so unbelievably cosy and 'house-like'.... and neat!! feel so inspired and envious.. =P no lah not envious but really like their place. makes me want to redo my whole room and whole house and do a major clean up. but there's no time for it now seriously.... so prob have to wait till august, when i come back from my attachment. i guess i can perhaps come back earlier to do something to my room. just that will 3 guys 'tolerate' my little girl fanatasies to decorate the house? the keyboard in their living room, plus the impressive resident pianist who effortlessly allows all of us to relive sun yanzi's songs... it just made the whole house really warm and comfy to be in....
it's so so so hot today..... i hope it doen'st carry on like that... i can't believe that it is actually 22C outside right now, at 11pm at night.... help...