while making my way to the bathroom this morning i was greeted by the aroma of fried bacon and my earlybird 'housemates' who were having a wholesome Sat breakfast... i wonder when i last had a properly prepared breakfast... despite not being able to have bacon (good lah, else make me fat too) i was offered some leftover coffee... which was a mini blessing given the horribly cold weather these few days. and while sorting out her books, my landlord dug out an old copy of Machiavelli's 'The Prince' and lent it to me.. cos i casually mentioned some days before that i was reading that for my class... small little gesture, but so awfully nice. i did feel a little =( that i seem to have fallen out of the little fellow's favor... guess cos the novelty of having someone new in the house is gone! but good lah, since i have so much work piling up anyways.. took a long time putting up some photoframes last night.. dug out the cute Monet magnets i got from the National Art Gallery in DC. keep getting distracted from work by frivolous little things i want to do to my surroundings.. have to do some serious research for my first art project and rack my brains over my tough PEIS prob set this weekend. =(

i am suddenly confronted by deadlines every single day... am suddenly so tired that i wished i had a day off! fortunately classes are still worth looking forward to. i think my PEIS instructor is pretty cool, cos not everyone can make Machiavelli or Hobbes actually interesting to study... and he tries to analyze how these thinkers think, to show us how we should think and analyze... then today i somehow had slight disrespect for my art instructor.... cos i think it's the most zuobo job around! (maybe just for today) cos she just left us to our own projects half the time while walking around talking to us about our ideas... haha i guess i'm so used to GSIs teaching some really hard-core material that merely giving 'creative' suggestions suddenly seem odd to me....haha and i'm biased now cos she wanted me to redraw this whole thing i did in class (an assignment due tmr) and i have absolutely no time and i'm debating what i should do.... sigh. foresee a night of more readings, finishing up assignment and thinking up art proposal due tmr as well...

day one of summer sch was really long but despite a seemingly ultra-busy and intensive 6 weeks ahead of me, i feel pretty upbeat. my PEIS instructor is this puny boyish-looking Indian guy who seems really passionate about what he's going to teach and seems bent on convincing us that this will be one of the best though toughest classes we will take at Berkeley. i'm a little doubtful, but am pretty inspired to work hard for it. Art 8 didn't disappoint me either... it really seems intensive.. 3 major art projects in a short span of 6 weeks and 4-hour classes 4 days in a row every week... but 2 hours just flew past this afternoon without me feeling any drag or boredom... so... hopefully it will be fun =) it seems pretty promising and definitely refreshing... i'm pretty excited. =)

while uploading my commencement pics i somehow stumbled upon the numerous pics i took over the past 3 years... pictures that have gradually accumulated but have always been overlooked whenever new ones are uploaded. somehow today i paused and looked through quite a few of them again and i was really struck how different we all looked 3 years ago... how happy, enthusiastic and innocent we all seemed to be... amused by how in the first few months i took so many pics with the most random ppl around.. though i know that some things never did really change, a lot of things DID change and i can truly say that i think i've grown up quite a bit... attitudes towards certain things have definitely changed... feel a bit old and jaded now that i'm going to be a senior at Berkeley... even though i don't think i've accomplished much in the past 3 years, it really feels like i've been through so much (but of course i didn't...) Witnessing zai fellow singaporeans getting dept citations, ppl going on to grad sch etc... i cannot but feel how some of us have really come so far...

my dear girl friends at Berkeley 

i'm happy, yet really upset at the same time. some things will never ever be the same again and i don't think i want to accept that. and when everyone's moving on, i choose to cling on. i know it's stupid cos it only makes me sad. i think my carebear really suits me. the sit quietly at one corner and cry by myself type.

no more encounters with kid for now... and actually i perhaps interact with him like for a few min everyday... but then why does it seem that when i blog about it it seems like i'm always playing with him or something...
horrible horrible rainy weather today. and all my efforts to scrub my car clean have utterly gone to waste =( it had better turn sunny tmr else commencement would be horrible too... with the mass arrival of parents today, you also hear about last min bathtub-scrubbing tales, the-night-before apt cleaning... same morning kitchen-mopping, fighting over vacuum cleaners... haha if parents were here all the time our rooms/apts must be spanking clean all the time... well but petty complaints about their kids aside, i guess it wasn't difficult to tell how proud of their kids they all seemed to be.

day 2 in Josephine St and as of now i seriously love this place... my little friend, Kai, is really endearing... not that he is a very guai1 kid or what.. very inquisitive, bit noisy just like many little brats... but unassuming and lovable... cooked instant noodles for dinner today and Kai was having pizza with his dad.. then he saw my noodles and was like.. i want to try your soup... and very bu ke qi-ly said that he wanted the carrots in the soup.. and when feeding him one i just could not help but wonder what the rest of my stay would be like... i think i love this kid already... then chatted a little with Peder (his dad) and found out a bit more about the couple.. that they met each other in the UN, travelled all over... they've actually been to East Timor on a UN mission... sigh. so cool and lang man... haha. i'm really impressed how they can pursue their own ideals and yet settle down with their own (seemingly very happy and fulfilling) family life.

and so from today onwards i'm a Josephine Street resident... =) move-in was pretty smooth... set up my bed and totally fell in love with my room! i realized how pampered i had been... how i miss big comfy beds.... i'm so glad this room came with a double bed... am thinking if i should get a nice new ikea table and make my room really homely... cos there's already a long no frills table in the room and me being very vain would like a nicer table... but oh well, might not be feasible... what if they end my lease... i really do look forward to my stay here... it's a nice neighborhood and my cute 4-yr-old friend made me a lego plane this afternoon... after peeking in and proclaiming my room "a mess!" i really hope i made the right decision... rent's a bit ex... but it might be well worth it. =)

i finally looked up the title of the nice song that keeps playing on the radio.... =P and of course 'googled' for it on Real Rhapsody...

Collide by Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

I'm open, you're closed
Where I'll follow you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
Somehow find you and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find you and I collide

the baking buddies have returned with a whole new gingerbread collection today! i actually really enjoyed bumming at home with jacqui today (though i must have been a really bad influence causing her to not do anything constructive) it was somewhat fun.. her eating all her flatbread and me munching on my blue corn tortilla chips for lunch... deciding to bake gingerbreadmen for ppl and muscular men for sumei... being so lazy and walking to Safeway in our PJs...
also had an interesting glimpse into the work life of a Google employee this evening... thanks to someone who didn't want to pay for gas alone... haha but seriously they had such high quality free food! no wonder some ppl are willing to drive all the way down... =P

of gingerbreadmen, ghosties, cats and out-of-shape AIM guys... 

and so i signed my lease today... actually i have no idea why... the closet is kinda small, i dun get my own bathroom (which is what i've always wanted..) and once again will end up in a room with 3 doors and just one corner to put my stuff...but i somehow feel like i'll like staying there... =)
strangely i didn't feel especially sad nor reminiscent at seniors' dinner yesterday evening... it was cool remembering the crazy things we all did together as freshies and it was def fun getting to know a whole bunch of people but honestly speaking it's too impersonal a setting. call me callous but ultimately, it's perhaps really just a few people who are really important to me, who really matter... i'll probably be curious about everyone else but not care enough to constantly keep in touch. and for those who really mean a lot, i can only hope very hard that at this point in time next year, and for many years to come, i'll still occupy some lil spot in their hearts and continue to share both the excitement and heartaches in their lives...

some of us girls at seniors' dinner... 

and so i cooked a proper meal yesterday evening for the first time since I came back, and it really did feel like a family, sitting down with Jacqui and Evelyn to enjoy the same dishes, with rice bowls and all... =P Josephine Street lady replied and decided to offer me the room!! now that i think about it, it's actually really a bit EX just for a room.. and the 4-yr-old boy may be noisy... but it's a really nice neighborhood to stay in... and somehow i just have this gut feeling that i should try living with an American household just to see... after all it's a month-to-month lease and if i really don't like it.. i can always move out.. just that it will be slightly troublesome.. but i think... if i don't try this i'll be left wondering all the time what it would have been like... and so ya.. i'm going to take up the offer, well knowing that i shall be fully responsible for whatever befalls me... haha. after all it's going to be summer sch so even if it proves disruptive it wouldn't be too detrimental.. sigh... i feel like sometimes i'm just veyr stubborn... i'm so picky and it's quite diff for me to really like something yet once i like something, i can really like it and then grow irrational....
Brad Delong is going to teach PEIS h195a this coming fall! emailed him to ask if i could expand on my UCDC paper and he thinks it's fine and so i have something constructive to think about in the meantime...
my dad spent at least 15 min trying to persuade me to sell my bike... and though i really don't see why it shoudl be THAT dangerous to bike around.. i guess i'll give in... not that i bike around that much anyway... hmm and i have nothing cept maybe jeans or my black dress to wear this evening for senior's dinner... everything else is prob in garage and i'm too lazy to plough through my crap.. maybe i'll go shopping at Emeryville later... =P

house hunting
in the past 3 days i've looked at 7 places, mostly studios and two rooms in proper houses... from studios tucked away up in the hills to cute rooms with loft spaces in existing households... somehow i think the more i look at studios the more i think that i shoudn't live alone... cos 1) I prob won't have many friends over since i don't have many to begin with and i can totally foresee myself all cooped up in my own studio stuck online all the time or something... and yet i think i don't want to be all cosy and live with people I am very close to. i am not sure why too... I felt really tempted to take up the cute $600 room with the loft space I saw yesterday but driving up and down the hills really isn't that appealing i guess. plus mum is ok, but not very comfortable with the random 40 yr old guy housemate. today someone whom i emailed perhaps two weeks ago emailed me back and asked if i would like to see their room... and now i think I am going to take up their room... in a house with this couple and their cute 4-yr-old son (i'm not taking it up just cos the kid is cute, nor cos the room is super nice or anything) but i dunno... i feel like they will be a good influence for me, and I feel like it might be a good 'cultural experience', living with an American family... it's a nice neighborhood, room is decent and though the rent is a little ex and it's not that close to school, there's something that draws me to that place... and the move-in day is flexible and just right... now i shall await her reply and i guess i'll know in a day if my housing search will thus end... =)

today was a good day. perhaps it's just the simple catching up with a few old friends and finding that they are still the same, finding out about what had gone on in their lives while i was away... and discovering that they had fun, they got what they wanted... somehow nothing beats just knowing that they are fine. and seeing how some people are really enjoying what they are doing, i cannot help but feel overjoyed for them. and then looking at myself and the odds and ends in my life, i really feel kinda lost, displaced, but it's not time for self-depracating thoughts... somehow i also became acutely aware that i really don't have many friends, but then i guess i'm not that kinda person and so it's silly to make comparisons like that... i dunno. i'm so touched by the good things happening to my dear friends that i feel like crying. silly shimin. it's a pity this non password-protected blog is now too easily accessible to random ppl for excessively private thoughts. and so they can only well up inside me.

roommate was really sweet and made me a goodbye cake and breakfast...
and so i have transplanted myself across the continent and i'm once again back in Berkeley... it actually feels a little strange cos i've never been away from Berkeley for nearly one sem, or return near the end of the sem, when my dear friends are all stressing about their work/ really busy... but i'm glad that the sense of familiarity is still there... nothing seems to have changed. people might be preoccupied with new things in their lives i might not be the most acquainted with, but i guess the nature of these friendships are essentially 'intact' and i'm really glad for that. and i guess i became more aware even within a single day that perhaps i havent really changed... felt really bummy today, but from tmr onwards i shall be good, finish up my poli sci paper by friday, seriously look for housing and occupy myself with all the things i've wanted to do, that i can do on my own...and do some self-reflection and decide what i want my senior year to be like.

I am such a fool...[yest i was pissed with myself and wrote 'retard' without thinking about how derogatory and offensive it can be to some ppl... i dunno why the word came to mind either but rereading this entry, i deeply regret using the term and it's so awful and mean now that i think about it... =( ] first i brought too much stuff here. second i couldn't resist myself and had to buy stuff here. and i have so many papers i printed out for my research paper that i cannot bear to throw away and will prob end up shipping back to Berkeley. haven't found a box for shipping, super shuttle is coming super early at 530am on Wed morning, haven't written my thank you cards nor touched my final memo for my Poli sci class due on Wed... there's the farewell dinner tmr evening... couple of things i want to buy to bring back but prob will end up with no time nor space...and i'm so terrible to my really enthu roommate who wants to do a million things before i leave tmr...who woke up specially this morning to make me a sumptuous breakfast... sigh shall go sleep and try to finish the million things i have to do tmr...

For once we have a special guest blogger on my blog.... enjoy =P

Greetings from Washington, DC from ShiMinTan's flatmate, Courtney!

After much pestering, Shi Min has relented, and now almost seems
pleased to offer me a bit of space on her blog. And just to allay any
suspicions, Shi Min has assured me she will not go all Singaporean on
me and censor what I write! (j/k, of course!)

Shi Min and I have lived in close proximity, scratch that, the same
bedroom for quite some time now—just 11 days shy of four months. And
during our lengthy cohabitation, I have born witness to quite a few
quirks in her personality… First off, the girl emits sounds—a cross
between a "hmmmm" and a "mmmph" whenever she's perturbed, perplexed,
what have you…and she's not cognizant of it! Also, she's quite concerned
with aesthetics, so much so in fact, that new fonts and powerpoint
templates tickle her! Ah, my goodness, and her love affair with
tortilla chips… Shi Min's quirks are indeed endearing..

Although I know I have given Shi Min a lot of grief and I have been,
at times, "troublesome" (poking her toes, tidying her side, gawking at
her food), I hope she, scratch that, you, Shi Min, know it was all
done in good fun. You've been a great sport…dealing with my repeated
attempts to indoctrinate you with the best of American expressions
(ehem, ehem), my desire to talk at length after the lights are out and
we've already said "wan an," and my need to test the limits of your
kindness (think back to the commitments you've made (jk), my funeral,
pushing me in a wheel chair, being a godmother to my adopted Chinese
daughter….

Now with the semester coming to a close, I'd like to put to use some
of the phrases you've taught me---

Woe ai knee, Emu….Knee ai woe ma?

And in closing, I would like to let you know that I think you have a
really good heart, and you need not worry, I will store it safely in
my back pack…. <3

Oh, and just one last thing, I like big butts…. =)